TORIKO - - Drunk Anime Review

Topic started by samweller999 on April 17, 2013. Last post by kennysomewhere 1 year, 2 months ago.
Post by samweller999 (69 posts) See mini bio Level 9
Staff

CAUTION: In D.A.R. Sam Weller enjoys a few brews and reviews the latest DVD releases. He is over 21, will NOT be behind the wheel of a car, and encourages everyone to do the same no matter the circumstance. Enjoy your anime responsibly!

PREVIOUS LOST WEEKENDS: ONE PIECE SEASON 4

So Tom came by my Anime Vice cubicles today - - while I was slamming my second airplane bottle of Mr. Jack Daniels, mind you - - and before I could leave for my three day lost weekend, he slapped this on TORIKO SEASON 3 the table.

"You've killed me, Tom! You killed me!" I cried out, and just like that, he was gone in a honey flash.

You know how fast the "Omelet Islands" would smell? Soaking there in the sea water? ONE HOUR.
You know how fast the "Omelet Islands" would smell? Soaking there in the sea water? ONE HOUR.

I've soberly dissected this show before. But since I seem to be a glutton for punishment and 2 for 1's at Baja Cantina, I thought, "Surely this show got better, right?"

No, Sam. This shonen anime showcase about muscle dudes searching for rare monsters and food ingredients continues to plod along a shliiip-shod path of trope destruction.

If you came here to see me riiiiip apart a horrible show, then you came to the right place (if there's ever a right place to hear about garbage). But I DO promise before you go you'll hear me say at least TWO NICE THINGS about Toriko. Cover your mouth and keep it in, cause here we go. (Ha! A ryhme!)

THE DRINK

We're not in summer yet, but this refreshing drink features blueberry moonshine (or vodka) that has all the complex flavors and tones that Toriko completely lacks. More importantly, being 'shine, it was guaranteed to get me numb.

The Blueberry Basilito

  • In a rocks glass or mason jar, muddle 4 basil leaves, 2 teaspoons sugar, and sparkling water
  • Add 1 1/2 ounces of blueberries and CRUSH to your heart's content
  • Finish with ice, 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice, and blueberry moonshine (or vodka)

Credit goes to Rurally Screwed on this one. Thanks! *urrp*

THE GOOD

You know what... let's finish with the good. No one wants a bitter taste in their mouth.

THE BAD

In this EXCITING edition of TORIKO, Toriko learns how to KICK! YEEEEAAH! *fart*
In this EXCITING edition of TORIKO, Toriko learns how to KICK! YEEEEAAH! *fart*

A direct quote from my show notes...

F****** sucks man, when the big moment in your story is Toriko learns how to KICK.... f*** man! This show f****** SUCKS!

The big McGuffin in this arc is the Century Soup that lies in the center of a frozen wasteland called ICE HELL (figure that one out) and Toriko and friends risk life and limb in order to get it. Essentially, every major fighter nearly DIES (key word is "nearly," much to my chagrin) and then, when the last drop of the soup is consumed and disappears FOREVER, Toriko LAUGHS it off. 'Cause consequences for things that happen are stupid. Or something.

Komatsu and Toriko better be revealed to be living in a domestic partnership eventually or I will call this show out for being a pants-on-fire massive liar. That's neither not here nor not there, got it? *belch*

What bugs me the most is how unearned everything feels in the show. It's light and fluff, and not in a good way like moon pies... F*** Yeah MOON PIES!

*Ahem* The jokes are not jokes, they are forced puns. "WHAT THE FUDGE?!" "CHEESE AND CRACKERS, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE!" Do you like joke books written by librarians from the 1940's? Then you're going to LOVE TORIKO!!!

Wait, a creepy, memorable monster-character?! BETTER GET RID OF HIM.
Wait, a creepy, memorable monster-character?! BETTER GET RID OF HIM.

I could go on about this show being unnecessarily-ily long and boring, and rant about shonen blah, blah, blah. But I'll keep it short and not-so-sweet by saying I could watch over half of each episode on fast forward and not miss a damn word of important dialogue.

When the show finally gets cool is when the giant monsters show up. It happened in the first set with the massive elephant thing and, in this edition, it's literally a giant tapeworm-elephant-spider-lobster fighting a multi-headed four-legged medusa head with regenerating limbs.

So, o'course, we see them fight for 2 MINUTES before they're dispatched by an evil garcon wielding razor plates. WOW, THIS SHOW SUCKS.

THE BLERGH

Just in case you forgot this is a "characters punch other characters" show.
Just in case you forgot this is a "characters punch other characters" show.

Yet another deep, insightful quote from my show notes:

I got two episodes in before I felt blasted... once they introduced Tommyrod the insect guy, my brain almost passed out from the stupidity. It’s like I kept traveling down an anime family tree where shows kept having sex with each other until finally this is the blue-blooded offspring of their horrible inter-unions

These characters are UGLY. I mean, not just physically, I mean design. Awful, bad, terrible design.

In one frame I literally - - literally! - - saw four out of the five characters had facial scars. This show loves it some FACIAL SCARS, brother. Can't make your character look memorable? Throw some scratches on his face!

Komatsu takes worthless, whining, pointless, mewling, false, audience insulting, weak-ass, cringeworthy, Sancho-Panza-wouldn't-even-follow-you, bull-shitery to a new level.

I couldn't care less about your dream to be a great chef because you do nothing to inspire my sympathy or suspend my attention. All you do is cry and hug Toriko when you're scared.

THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT HAPPENS! THE TINY MAN CHILD MAN JUST CRIES AND HUGS THE STRONG MAN-STRONG! SUPER FREUDIAN!!!

LET'S TRY "THE GOOD" AGAIN

Easily the BEST SCENE IN ANYTHING EVER. And it's all too brief...
Easily the BEST SCENE IN ANYTHING EVER. And it's all too brief...

After you watch this show, every other show will seem KILLER by comparison.

Funi's dub crew goes above and beyond to sell me on this tripe. They all seem to realize what they're selling, and know that this show will only work if cut into an extended hour and a half AMV that includes all their awful one-liners. Bravo, and I thank you for it.

Teppei is awesome. I need like a MILLION cosplays of this guy. Or maybe I'll do it. Except then someone will think I'm a fan of TORIKO...

*URRP* I think I'm done.

THE HANGOVER

Guys, don't buy this show. It's no knock on the dubbing team, the distributors, or anything else. But with your time - - your f***ing precious time - - you can be doing SO MANY MORE THINGS than watching Torkio. I mean, TORIKO.

It's a show with good intentions, bad execution, and a fatal misunderstanding about what makes it interesting. It's also, rote, boorish at times, and insults you as a person.

AND DON'T TELL ME IT'S A COMEDY SHOW BECAUSE IF IT WAS IT WOULD HAVE SOME TYPE OF IRONY! Ugh, just get me out of here.

But what's a mean night of drinking if you can't have something awful and sweet?

Also, If you know the food pun the below picture is doing, say it in the comments below and I'll PM you my full show notes:

Sam Weller is a writer and actor who's scribed for shows like FIRST EDITION, GEEK THERAPY, and most recently BATGIRL: SPOILED. He also really likes anime. To know what is going to happen next, follow@cravesam

Post by Marshal Victory (1,827 posts) See mini bio Level 13

Turtle soup or as we would say it here....turtal soup? Ehh i dont drink.. actualy best i stay from people when they drink to but this show has never apealed to me ever.

Post by kennysomewhere (10 posts) See mini bio Level 7

a tartle or turtle tart is what im going with

Post by Donwun (112 posts) See mini bio Level 12

I appreciate a brutally honest review of a show and commend ya for taking the time out to write up on it esp if it was a chore to geth through

I've always avoided this show because it pretty much looked / sounded like everything you have described here

At some point i will still give it a go.....i have to really....just so i can justify my own critisims when the time comes but yeah these drunken write ups are cool and amusing to me. It actually makes sense to get a bit lean and then tackle a longer running series, i may actually follow your lead when i give Gintama a try.....don't worry Sam im over age :oP

Good Stuff

Post by zaldar (1,221 posts) See mini bio Level 15

@kennysomewhere said:

a tartle or turtle tart is what im going with

this is what I thought to but that doesn't make much sense really...is there such a thing..TO THE GOOGLES!

Evidently there is....that's rather funny...not really..

http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/turtle-tart/4958057d-afc1-47ba-be3a-252566163f33

Post by YotaruVegeta (524 posts) See mini bio Level 12

I don't like drunk Uncle Sam. He's scary and mean!

Post by samweller999 (69 posts) See mini bio Level 9
Staff

@kennysomewhere: winner winner chicken dinner:)

Post by samweller999 (69 posts) See mini bio Level 9
Staff

@YotaruVegeta: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME!?!?! ;)

Post by YotaruVegeta (524 posts) See mini bio Level 12

@samweller999:

Nooo!

Post by kennysomewhere (10 posts) See mini bio Level 7

@samweller999 said:

@kennysomewhere: winner winner chicken dinner:)

I assume that was also used as a pun at some point in toriko

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