ZombiePie (Level 15)

I guess I'm back?
followed by
| |

Author's Note: The author of this blog does not condone the abuse or use of automotives while under the influence. All alcohol should be drunk in moderation unless you want your liver to hate you. Secondly you may read this and notice I attempt to inject genuine criticism and film theory into this blog. Disregard this as the rantings and ravings of a drunken madman. This blog is meant to be a form form of entertainment. There are spelling errors...many spelling errors as well as grammar mistakes and entire sentences may be unreadable. For this I am truly sorry, but that is my only regret.

Sacred Seven may just be the most stunningly mediocre show I have ever seen my entire life. I don’t know why I did this or why I watched this show. Technically I have already seen this show and thought then it was incredibly mediocre. I guess my theory is that drunkenness can make a mediocre show even better. Lets go and see if this scientific postulate proves to be valid! Also if you were wondering what I got drunk on it was Beck’s this time. I actually quite enjoy Beck’s and find it to be a quality product.

This Was a Poorly Conceived Social Experiment on My Part

No Fuckface It's Batman!
No Fuckface It's Batman!

Well this show didn’t hesitate to get into some action. I got the Exxon Valdez on fire and a giant clay golem fucking shit up. Yeah why don’t we chalk this series up on the “Cold Intro” board. So Medusa has red eyes and this grey hair guy who has yet to be properly introduced is being Captain Obvious. So Captain Obvious gets poision by purple drank. Hey kid you neeed a purging stone to get rid of that and it costs 4,000 simileaons! Yeah life’s a bitch get use to it. Also an exploding boat causes the power to go out…that makes sense because boats are tied to the central power source of a city (not really). So you go outside to check out what that exploding sound is near where you’re living and suddenly you become the protaganist of a mecha show. Again life’s a bitch aint it? I mean I wish that all of the cra accidents I have seen were half as interesting as that. My life would be ten times more interesting if when watching a taxi cab run into a limo resulted in me gaining undescrubale power. Fuck...think of the bitches you would get if that was like real life.

This Intro Makes My Head Hurt

OH FUCK! FUCK! FUCKERS! FUCKINTON! The colors, the montage editing, the rapidity of the camera movements! This is not good for a drunken brain. Also can I talk about the coloring? Well I will anyways. It looks like a piñata took a fucking diahrea dump on the animation cells. Wait a minute…did one of you put LSD in my beer? I'll find whoever did this to me and replace your baby asprin with heart medication!

Also I hate intros that feature characters that feature characters that don’t actually get introduced until five episodes in. It deprives you of any surprise when a new character is introduced. It’s also lazy. I mean you know when reality television shows that eliminate contestants and the intro still has people that have already been eliminated? It’s confusing and lazy.

Cold Intros are Abused in Anime

It's Called an Erection. Just Jump into a Cold Show and You Will Be Fine!
It's Called an Erection. Just Jump into a Cold Show and You Will Be Fine!

Alrighty, I want to talk about cold intros in anime. They really are misused. I want to make a comparison to the movie Michael Clayton. Is it fair to compare Scared Seven to Michael Clayton? NOPE! But I’m still going to do it and my reasoning is show an example of a really good Cold Intro and why this anime is not an example of this and is in fact entirely a cold intro.. Parts of my reasoning hear is that Michael Clayton has what I would call one of the greatest cold intros in cinematic history. The viewer is thrown into the drama without really understanding what is going on. Then a cataclyism happens during what appears to be lull. Then the movie resets at an earlier point of the story to build up how the story got to that point. This is how these types of intros should be done. The problem about just moving forward is that it often leads to heavy exposition at the very start. Meaning a character has to talk for long lengths of time depriving the movie or television show of any actual scenes of action or drama. It bogs the story down and all but guarantees that the first episode is slow and uniteresting because SOMEONE is force to spell things out for the audience. The general mentality is just to tough it out and that the first few episodes are always the slowest and least interesting. In fact this sentiment is extremely prevelant in the anime enthusiast crowd. All I have to say to that is YOU FUCKING FOOLS YOU DESERVE BETTER THEN THAT! Live action television entertainment has already figure great ways of dealing with exposition in a ways that’s doesn’t bore you to tears for the futs episode. Fucking look at the first four oe fivew episodeas of Lost. If It’s just not compelling content you should nt have to put up with it.and right now ima tune out during these parts…especially so when I have been drinking the alcoholic beverages.

Captain Generic is Generic

Did I say that the protaganist is one of the most generic ass protagonists I have seen. Now I know what you are going to say. “But ZombiePie down the road he becomes more interesting!” This correct because I have already seen this shit but normally some sort of arch should be introduce right from the getgo so is that I don’t find the protagonist boring and actually start to wish for his death to make thinsg interesting. Also his lack of nose is freaking me the fuck out. Also everyone is a geologist. Because all the cool kids collect rocks. Yeah…geologists and archeologists are the coolists mothefuckers on the block. Just like Jenny no wait I mean Carmen Sandiego!

This Show is Blunt

And I Wish I was the Queen of England! But That Aint Gonna Happen!
And I Wish I was the Queen of England! But That Aint Gonna Happen!

This bitch really just went up to Captain Noboy and ask him for special powers…oh wait this show needed a fish out of water segment so is that the loli would have to explain what the fuck is going on for like five or ten minutes. AGAIN this is not how a show should introduce itself. This is FUCKING BORING!Ten Seconds Latter….

Okay I was wrong. Something mariginally exciting is happening. Also Battle Maids and the protanist is Harry Potter meets the Hulk. This looks like it could be cool

Five Seconds Latter....

NOTHING! FUCKING NOTHING HAPPENED! They teased what could have been a potentially awesome action scene where the protagonist learns about the pure destruction he can create if he misues his powers and the loli and the butler just decided to leave and Devil harry Potter just let them! And what happened to the battle maids? Do they have some sort of transport to get them to the home base? Where did they go? WHY AM I ASKING QUESTIONS THAT HAVE NO PERTINACE TO THE MAIN STORY!


Thank God for a Un-Explained Villain

Quick drunken question. The Medusa Head is turning people into statues and sometimes when they impact the ground they shatter. If you somehow gt returned into human form would you be turned into human form as parts? If you super glued a former human statute would it still come back to life in parts? Man Fuck Blackwater! They sjould have been getting all up in this voodoo magic bullshit in the first place.

The End of the Beginning

Also go call in having the protagonist drive a moped. It’s not like I didn’t already think he was super lame already. Also some much needed…WAIT A MINUTE! Did they just have a stone statue have a sweat drop?


Oh Hey Everyone Look It's MacGuffin for the Aborted Indiana Jones 5 Script!
Oh Hey Everyone Look It's MacGuffin for the Aborted Indiana Jones 5 Script!

Whatever, all this talk of eating and getting eating is making me hungry. Anways you want plot summary? Shit happens and the protagonist becomes a superhero but he needs trainging or something to control his powers. Now there's this circle jerk feeling of comradeship and working to deal with out angst. Eevn druk I find this show to be incredibly boring.

Mandatory Network

Submissions can take several hours to be approved.

Save ChangesCancel