Paulrus (Level 7)

Saw the new MLP; wasn't that great. I can relate with Maud Pie though.
followed by
8
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What kind of anime nerd would I be if I didn't, at one point in  my life, fantasize a relationship with an anime beauty? Probably one who would have gotten laid back in high school: but knowing my area, my dick would've got some disease and fallen off like in some Eli Roth film. But anyways I took this quiz, right? It asked if I wanted to get lucky with an anime chick. My response, like Ron White once said, was "I sure do".  
 
So I take the quiz. Hair color? Black. Kind of woman? Um... smart? Breast size? ....yeah, sure large; what's the point of lying. Those, by my memory, were the only questions with answers that were not ripped from a fucking eroge game. First of all, i'm a totally socially inept pussy and i'm being asked if I want to whip my dick out and fuck a girl I don't even know ("Hey wait, if this guy seriously being serious about a relationship with a cartoon character? What a dork.") and what would happen if some guy came over  and started to act like a tool.... without giving me the reasonable "tell him to fuck off or i'll call the cops" response. (I ended up choosing "let my date beat him up and me up" response, leaving me to feel like i'm in some badly-written harem story) Also, I didn't watch Sailor Moon: thought it was for girls. So nyeeeeeh.
 
So, based on the bullshit questions, who am I most likely to go on a date with?
 


 
 
Why, Adiane of course! Wait, who the fuck is that? Oh she's a person who might kill me? That's fucking nice. And i'm a hairline away from being compatible with everyone's favorite age-ambiguous otaku? What kind of bullshit is this, I thought. Who were my other choices? A monster, a robot assassin, a sub-driver (who appears to be the most normal so far), a porn addict, a giant, and a military officer.  
 
So, hating my results, I go back into the quiz and try again: for the sake of good comedy.
 
Jupiter, video games, medium, breast, what the fuck do animals have to do with this, the least cheesy pick up line because i'm lame, these answers are bullshit, black, why are suggesting that i'm dating an underaged girl, and crazy.
 
What's my result, matchmaker?
 
   
 
Okay, so i'm a pedophile then. But then I look at the wiki. She's a hardcore otaku who likes to play her dad's H-Games? Um, okay. Guess that's pretty cool. What's her age now? Unknown? What, is she part of sting operation? Is she immortal, just to further complicate things? Why is my secondary option Osaka? What the fuck is "LARP"? Should I really be taking this seriously?
 
Nope. But I am anyway. That's just how I roll, and probably why I haven't gotten laid.
 
Fuck it. One more time. This time i'm going to be a dork. I'm gonna be the unlikable prick you see in hentai who always gets the girl because his horniness is so volititile that it would manifest with tentacles on his back The Darkness-style and rape her with a disposable cell phone. Yeah! That's the sexually frustrated otaku i'm supposed to be! 
 
Sailor Moon! Porn theater! (Like in "Taxi Driver") Hagrid-Size! Loli! Sloth! (Again, how is this relevant?) Whip it out! Fap! Purple! On the table! And to top it all off, FUCKING HOLY!
 
ALL RIGHT. GIGGITY GIGGITY GO. WHO AM I GONNA FUCK? WHO AM I GONNA DUMP ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WITH A DOLLAR AND HER PICTURE ON THE INTERNET? COME ON! LET'S DO THIS!
 


....huh. Okay, mostly unrelated to my choices. Um.... sure, I guess I can work with this. Your place or mine?
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Just joined Anime Vice. I've walked past this place before, and it feels like another world. Not the good kind. I don't think I can identify with any of these fuckers: i'm just here to comment and make the occasional article edit.
 
I came here through GiantBomb, which I have a larger footprint on. Video games is my major, and anime is my minor. That means i'm nerd. 
 
I'm jumping into a world full of weeaboos who appear to have eaten enough bullshit to think that Naruto is good, lolicon is worth defending, that image on the shotacon article isn't the least bit disturbing , and that Japan is the greatest fucking country on Earth. But I catch myself, maybe a little too late. That can just be stereotype:  I understand that for every 99.9%, there is a 0.01%. Meaning I could probably find someone like me here:  someone with one foot in anime appreciation and the other in common sense.
 
I want to start reviewing anime: but with a goal, and kind of a hobby. I want to review for the common man. If anime is truely becoming a worldwide phenomenon, then we're gonna need some guidence: preferably by someone who doesn't spend his life watching Magic Girl Tit Mech Extra: Bubblegum and feels that every anime out there is great. But i'm gonna need some help. Gonna need some understanding on what makes these blokes tick. I'm now going to say "blokes" tick despite not as all English as I am redneck. Blokes.
 
I wonder if anyone would even read this blog post. I wonder how many of this bamboo-weilding maniacs I have already offended.
 
If that's the case: Hi, my name is Paulrus. I like anime. "Like" being the key word. Tell me i'm wrong. 
 
I'm gonna guess about 8.
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