DocHaus (Level 18)

It's no use, I'll have to use...THAT!
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Well, the winter season has been full of disappointments and downright creepy fucking shows. True, there were a couple of good surprises and a couple of okay shows, but Sturgeon's Law has held solid between NisioisiN's Meta Masturbation Show and the (SPACE) Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

There's been about as much action in that awful cover of a children's song as there was in any four episodes of that latter show. Anyways...this season looks a little better. Sure, you've got your usual crop of shows that appeal to the creepers, the shows that are based off toys, and a couple based off of some new zombie fetish going around, but there are others that actually sound kinda interesting. Nonetheless, I will be doing a very brief list of the anime coming up this season.

As always, keep in mind that 1) these previews are pretty subjective and may contain unserious language (as if the lead didn't tip you off already) and 2) premiere dates are subject to change depending on whims of animation studios and Japanese broadcasters. I will try to edit in new dates and pics when I can to make this more readable.

They called me a fat pig in school, so I shall become Pigman on the internet! That'll show em!
They called me a fat pig in school, so I shall become Pigman on the internet! That'll show em!

(4/06) Accel World

Sunrise adapts a light novel series into an anime. Something about a fat boy who retreats into a futuristic cyberspace world to avoid dealing with bullies and the pretty school idol who enables him in order to win some sort of Bullet Time power called "Brain Burst." I don't know how it will go but I am railing against this solely because it encourages kids to escape into the internet instead of dealing with their problems the old-fashioned way: punching the bully and then telling a teacher.

(4/29) AKB0048

Very loosely based on the real-life idol collective of the same name...in a world where idols and Jpop music is outlawed, one team of magical girl idols with hoverboards bands together to save a railway town through the power of song. You think I'm joking? Watch the trailer!

(4/04) One Stormy Night: Secret Friendship (Arashi no Yoru ni: Himitsu no Tomodachi)

Kids novel series about a lamb and a wolf becoming friends while their parents constantly chastise their "lifestyle choices." Mostly a kids show. CG produced by a Singaporean studio.

(4/07) Bakutech! Bakugan

Something about toys and kids who yell at them and each other. I cannot be arsed to come up with an original joke about this one.

(4/08) Cardfight!! Vanguard: Asia Circuit

Kids with cards who yell at each other and the cards and ah fuck nobody cares.

(4/12) Eureka Seven: Astral Ocean (Eureka Seven Ao)

Bones brings us a sequel to the original Eureka Seven, set in the future with a few descendants of the original crew (I think) as they fight for something. Hoping for the best but also preparing for disappointment and retcons (see: Fam The Silver Wing).

(4/07) Fate/Zero S2

The spirits of ancient heroes and their magician masters fight each other to acquire the Holy Grail, second part of the prequel to Fate/Stay Night. I really need to watch this, but the few times I tried there were mostly talking heads and random shots of scenery. Also if you haven't seen/played/read F/SN before it is recommended you do that first because otherwise Fate/Zero will spoil everything for you.

(4/09) Haiyore! Nyaruko-san

A moe version of Cthulhu but this time they've put more into the budget so it will be slightly better than the crappy 3-minute flash animation you can see on Crunchyroll now. Oh Japan what the fuck are you doing with Cthulhu mythos? Stop, for the love of Nyarlathotep, just stop.

(4/23) Hyouka

High school literature club investigating a decades-old mystery. Animated by KyoAni (Nichijou, Lucky Star among others) and written by Shoji Gato (the guy behind Full Metal Panic). I'm just going to make up a plot here: the girl is a blackmailing prostitute, the tall guy is a murderer, and the straight-A student is a cross-dresser. The mystery that they are trying to solve together is only a distraction so they don't have to admit their dark secrets to one another.

(4/03) Kickoff to the Galaxy!! (Ginga e Kickoff!!)

Shounen sports anime, based off a light novel. A high school soccer club member whose team is dying due to lack of members gets inspired by a great female soccer player to rebuild the team. Directed by Konosuke Uda (One Piece anime). Stay tuned for the plot twist where they have to go into space to beat an alien high school soccer team and the MVP gets to marry the alien school idol.

(4/02) Kimi to Boku S2 (You and Me season 2)

Essentially a gender-flipped K-ON! with schoolboys doing things. Sorry, but Daily Lives of Highschool Boys beat you at this game. Go home.

SPOILER: That is not a girl.
SPOILER: That is not a girl.

(4/04) Is This a Zombie? Of The Dead (Kore wa Zombie desu ka? Of the Dead)

S2 of that better-than-expected-but-not-by-much show based off a light novel about a zombie boy who is also a magical girl due to a power-transfer accident. Also a large-breasted vampire ninja and a powerful necromancer who rarely speaks. No word on if the fanservice will appear in every episode like last time.

(4/07) Kuroko's Basketball (Kuroko no Basuke)

Production I.G. produces a basketball anime about a great basketball player who helps take a team of ragtag underdogs to the top. At least it'll be well-animated.

I think I made the right choice to look for this instead of "femdom doujinshi" on GIS.
I think I made the right choice to look for this instead of "femdom doujinshi" on GIS.

(4/10) Jormungand

Adaptation of a manga where a young arms-dealing woman recruits an ex child-soldier who hates weapons to be her bodyguard, possibly "for the lulz." Despite that description, I am legitimately expecting this to be good after reading a few volumes of the manga. Considering Rei Hiroe is spending his time drawing femdom doujinshi instead of continuing Black Lagoon, you BL fans out there might want to consider this story as a good alternative.

(4/04) Lupin III: A Woman Named Fujiko Mine (Lupin III ~Mine Fujiko to Iu Onna~)

We've seen a lot of false starts and some less-than-stellar specials (including one disappointing crossover movie with a famous boy detective) but apparently this is going to be an actual, honest-to-Dog 13-episode series. Famous descendant of French thief Arsene Lupin goes around the world stealing things with his gunslinging partner Jigen and samurai dude Goemon while staying one step ahead of the relentless-yet-bumbling INTERPOL agent, Inspector Zenigata. Judging by the name it's going to focus on the past of Lupin's love/hate interest Fujiko Mine. The director is Sayo Yamamoto, who hasn't done much outside of Michiko to Hatchin. Expect a jazzy musical score in the background. More importantly, it gives me an excuse to post this video.

(4/04) Medaka Box

Another NisioisiN classic, but animated by Gainax, and it will likely focus on the first arc of the manga that no one really liked. I just hope they bring in Kumagawa in this season or else I will probably skip the show. Seriously, Kumagawa is the only reason I still read this manga from time to time.

(4/07) Mysterious Girlfriend X (Nazo no Kanojo X)

Something about a boy who tastes an alien girl classmate's saliva and gets addicted to her bodily fluids and she has a giant pair of scissors but doesn't cut her hair. I hear the manga is popular, but it sounds creepy so fuck it let's move on.

(3/16) Ozma (Ozuma)

It&squot;s not about the "Lost Princess of Oz" but this is the first "Ozma" image I found.
It's not about the "Lost Princess of Oz" but this is the first "Ozma" image I found.

Anime miniseries, adaptation of Leiji Matsumoto's (Galaxy Express 999, among others) unpublished series he drafted the script for in the 1980s. Set in the far future, radiation from the sun has destroyed the environment of the Earth and reduced human birthrates. The government controls society through an army of cloned soldiers called "Ideal Children" and a trader named Sam Coin fights them after saving a girl. Old-school animation with a sort of Dune-meets-Last Exile plot. Bet you 10-to-1 the bad guy is Sam's brother.

(4/05) Summer Colored Miracle (Natsuiro Kiseki)

Directed by Seiji Mizushima (of FMA and Gundam 00 fame). There are four idols going to middle school based on real life pop group Sphere. That's all I have heard besides the cast, so I am going to make up a plot: One of the girls accidentally murdered their father, and through the power of song the group must send his soul to Heaven before one of the girls gets locked into a shotgun marriage to the Student Council President and the rest of them are haunted by his spirit forever. The ghost dad's spirit, not the President's. The Student Council President, not President Obama...let's just move on.

What is with those eyebrows? ($5 to read the original joke I had for this character).
What is with those eyebrows? ($5 to read the original joke I had for this character).

(4/03) Rock Lee's Springtime of Youth

An anime adaptation of the made-for-younger-kids Naruto side manga starring Rock Lee. It’s being directed by one of the Naruto movie directors (Masahiko Murata). More of a humorous, non-canon slant on the story. Naruto fans will like it I guess.

(4/08) Phi Brain: Kami no Puzzle S2

The sequel to the previous Phi Brain series from Fall. The hero and his female companion continue fighting the evil NYT Crossword and his villanous robotic henchman S.U.D.O.K.U. as they try to solve the ultimate puzzle: WHO IS HIS REAL FATHER?

(4/01) Saint Seiya Omega

A sequel to the previous Saint Seiya series. For those who don't know what that means:dudes wearing magical cloth yell out attacks and punch evil Greek gods (or avatars thereof I dunno) in the face with their magic fists. Animation director is Yoshihiko Umakoshi (Casshern Sins) so it will look cool but I stopped caring about Saint Seiya awhile ago.

Sankarea

Something about a boy who really, really likes zombie girls a bit too much. To the point where he raised one from the corpse of his girlfriend. I haven't read the manga but I'm told it's more comedic than that sounds.

(4/01) Shiba Inuko-san

4-koma manga adapted into anime. It’s a middle school student who acts like a normal person but looks like a dog. Hilarity ensues.

Like this, but with a dog instead of a chicken. I hope.

(4/05) Polar Bear Café (Shirokuma Café)

A low-key comedy about a polar bear (Takahiro Sakurai, Suzaku from Code Geass) that runs a cafe with three regulars: a panda (Jun Fukuyama, Lelouch from Code Geass), a koala, and a penguin. Don't know what to expect from this one, but it sounds amusing so I guess I can watch a few eps.

(4/05) Sengoku Collection

Sengoku-era generals are reimagined as young anime girls, who aim to conquer Japan by collecting cards or something. Oda Nobunaga is the large-breasted lady again. I could swear I've seen this show before starring a pachinko machine and the world's worst blackjack dealer.

(4/07) Pretty Rhythm: Dear My Future

A second season of that other anime with the Jpop idols. Now they’re apparently facing off against a group of antagonist Korean idols. Maybe the girls will kiss each other in the spirit of harmony, though it's more likely there will be some racist jabs against Koreans.

(4/08) Saki: Achiga-hen episode of side-A

Sequel to the previous Saki anime, girls playing mahjong but a different cast and setting this time. No idea if there will be more jokes about girls who love tacos, so I will post this picture in preparation:

(4/12) The Hill of Apollo: Kids on the Slope (Sakamichi no Apollon)

Spring noitaminA block series #1. Adapted from a josei manga set in Japan in the year 1966, it follows an anti-social transfer student who discovers jazz and blues and, through his school's jazz club, true friendship. It's being produced Studio Madhouse and directed by Shinchiro Watanabe, a guy who directed such little known titles as COWBOY BEBOP AND SAMURAI CHAMPLOO with music by Yoko Kanno who worked on lesser-known titles like COWBOY BEBOP, GitS:SAC and DARKER THAN BLACK. WATCH THIS SHOW YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT.

*ahem* sorry, I guess I was a little too super-liminal there.

(4/08) Dusk Maiden of Amnesia (Tasogare Otome x Amnesia)

The story of a ghost girl and the guy that found her in high school and they try to solve her murder along with other supernatural mysteries. Based off a manga. Kind of interesting, but don't know if I'll have time for it.

(4/12) tsuritama

Lonely boy on an island makes friends with an alien who came to Earth for the fishing. Sci-fi. Fishing. Also there's a kid with a turban who is Indian because he has a turban and engages in some kind of man-duck love? Directed by Kenji Nakamura who previously directed shows like [C] and Trapeze, so there will probably be high levels of mind-fuckery.

(4/01) Uchuu Kyodai ("Space Bros")

Anime adaptation of the award winning manga about of two brothers pursuing their dreams of becoming astronauts, one who spent his whole life training and another who got fired from his job and decided to switch careers to his dream job on a whim. Also there's a pug dog in a space suit. I've heard good things about this one, haven't seen the manga yet though.

If this is not the OP then they are missing a golden opportunity.

(4/07) Upotte!

You know what Strike Witches did to WWII-era fighter jets, or Akikan! did to aluminum soda cans? Well, Upotte! is doing that to guns. There are girls who personify guns like the FNC or the M16, and they carry their own models as they train themselves to be good guns, while holding copies of themselves, somehow. There's also a human teacher guy and I don't know how he can afford to be around a tsundere gun-girl that can literally kill him in her "tsun-tsun" state.

(4/02) Zetman

Think Kikaider/Guyver vs Batman/Ironman, or so I've heard. The manga-ka did the character designs for Tiger & Bunny so I'm guessing this is going to be an east v. west superhero idea battle? I really need to read the source material.

Now updated with images and various links. Tell me how right I am or if I missed anything in the comments.

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