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Top 3 Wimpiest Guys in Anime

You survived the manliest men in anime - - but are you ready for the wusses!?

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Whats good, Vice-corps! A few weeks ago, we counted down the TOP 5 MANLIEST men in anime. It was rough 'n rugged, celebrating the very finest in thick brows, indomitable spirit and hot manly tears. Well, this week, we’re exploring the inverse of those titans - - the yin to their yang, the shadow to their light, etc. == TEASER ==

NUMBER THREE = = Keiichi Morisato (OH MY GODDESS!)

Cool pink phone, dude.
Cool pink phone, dude.

This lonely little turd can’t find anyone who can stand to be around him for more than a few minutes, so he has to make a deal with a goddess that forces her to stay with him forever. That’s one magical step away from keeping her tied up in his basement. This is a truly desperate and pathetic man.

When he bumbles his way into calling a Goddess helpline (by accident), he is afforded a once-in-a-life time chance to have a single wish granted by a generous Goddess named Belldandy. Of course, this little weasel immediately ropes this poor woman (?) into an eternity of companionship and quiet servitude. She's forced to abandon her job as a free and powerful force of nature to pursue a boring and uneventful life with some lonely sack who can’t think of anything but his own problems. Ho-hum.

Apparently, a peck on the cheek is Keiichi's worst nightmare come true.
Apparently, a peck on the cheek is Keiichi's worst nightmare come true.

Despite Belldandy’s contractual obligation to like Keiichi (creepy), he remains an awkward, nervous little weenie around her and all other women (in traditional harem show fashion) forever. I get that talking to girls is tough - - especially for a career pushover like Keiichi - - but my sympathy can only be stretched so far.

NUMBER TWO = = Edward Elric (FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST)

Great, here come the waterworks...
Great, here come the waterworks...

I get that this little guy has been through a lot (mostly his fault), but what a whiny sad-sack! It’s a bummer that your mom’s dead and your brother is trapped in a bucket or whatever - - but get over yourself! Everyone’s got it tough and absolutely no one wants to hear you cry about how short you are.

After all the lost limbs and family members, Edward is still focused on his physical stature. I can’t think of a more obvious or frustrating Napoleon complex in all of anime. Edward is a generally prideful and self-absorbed little princess, but his absolutely outrageous insecurity about his size truly takes the cake. Someone needs to buy this guy some Johnson and Johnson’s because I’m tired of all this baby’s tears.

You promised me, Johnson! You promised me!
You promised me, Johnson! You promised me!

Also, after 63 smooch free episodes, Edward marries his childhood friend (practically his sister). In other words, this guy had one girlfriend ever and it’s the one that lives closest to his house. Way to go with the laziest choice, bud.

NUMBER ONE = = Shinji Ikari (NEON GENESIS EVANGELION)

Big surprise.
Big surprise.

Ugh. This was inevitable. Shinji defined a new era of reluctant anti-heroes (for better or worse). Shinji, I understand that your dad is a huge prick (possibly the biggest in human history), but MAN THE HELL UP. The world is literally ending and you’re too busy crying into your pillow and staring at the ceiling to do anything about it.

Giant robots with mouths and muscular systems are freaky enough without the added mommy issues that come packaged with the Eva units, but when everything you’ve ever known and loved (or tolerated) is counting on you to climb inside and flip out on some angel/monsters then it might be time put aside the teenage angst for a few minutes and start tearing AT fields.

When this little runt finally does take up the controls, he’s really only doing it to impress his dirtbag father or more specifically because he was told to. This is a boy who played the cello since he was 5 because no one told him to stop. Shinji isn’t just a scaredy-wuss, he’s aimless and desperately needy, as well.

OH GOD i think my walkman is out of batteries!!!
OH GOD i think my walkman is out of batteries!!!

Anti-heroes tend to be more interesting, more human and relatable than a flawless paragon of human excellence. Shinji takes this to some as yet unexplored next level of anti-everything, however. His is a reluctance so profound as to stupefy.

"High school is hard, so I guess I'll let the world end."

This guy has the perfect combination of frustrating character traits, unfortunate anxieties, and selfish fears to propel him to the number one spot on our list. The good news is that maybe Commander Ikari will finally notice him now!

Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo

Today’s anime is rife with wusses, so I’m sure I’ve managed to overlook at least one of your favorite/most hated chumps. Go ahead, let me know which DRAGONBALL character is the weakest (I know that’s all you guys care about) in the comments section below.

Alex Eckman-Lawn is an illustrator and comic artists from Philadelphia. Check out his site - -alexeckmanlawn.com - - rumble with his Tumblr - -dudenukem.tumblr.com - - and hit up his Twitter: @alexeckmanlawn

sickVisionz moderator on April 1, 2013 at 6:09 a.m.

I like how key characteristics of being a wuss seem to be saving the world multiple times by regularly putting your life on the line to protect your friends and everyone on the planet, often for no praise, fame, or recognition. The world could use more wusses.

SamJazon April 1, 2013 at 6:24 a.m.

Dude. Edward Elric, manly as crap for a fourteen year old kid. Let's see how many other teenage double amputees go around punching the crap out of forces of nature. Still, your opinion is valid.

Kinda surprised Kamina wasn't on the list. *Dodges rocks*. Seriously, everything Kamina ever did was because he was scared he couldn't measure up to a fourteen-year old kid. He said so himself.

Then we come to Light Yagami, but more importantly...

Nah, no other wimps are jumping to mind.

FoxxFireArt moderator on April 1, 2013 at 6:35 a.m.
Dude, even as a child, Ed had lost a leg yet still performed alchemy to save his brother. Losing his arm in the process. Let's not forget the surgery he had for the automail.

I Shinning has his issues, but remember that you feel all the pain when in the Eva. That's a lot to ask of a kid, but he keeps getting back in.
Kuro_Sanon April 1, 2013 at 8:11 a.m.

A really interesting study of Shinji can be read on a fanfic (a genre of literature I mostly dismiss) name Shinji and 40k, an alternate reality were Shinji finds in the attic of his grandfather a Warhammer 40 k Space Marine book and set, changing his outlook in life

Turambaron April 1, 2013 at 8:50 a.m.

We hate it when protagonists are alpha males, and we hate it when they are realistic representations of their actual age and maturity. Really a lose lose situation.

Marshal Victory is online on April 1, 2013 at 9:14 a.m.

@FoxxFireArt: Toataly agree. Edward Elric does not deserve to be on this list .

Actualy you could have gone into most harem anime an came out with a better list.Hell even Fumiaki Uchida from Occult Academy the present one not the heroic ones that died. An yet even then when hes backed into a corner he comes out swinging.

@Kuro_San: Ehh they squrt some tears in Warhammer 40k least the old stuff.When the Tyrinds are attacking sorta thing.Probly bio wepon of some sort im sure.But by the definitions aplied for whipmy here why in Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade the main male lead would be whimpy to at the end.

SuperTienchaon April 1, 2013 at 9:22 a.m.

lol I knew what number 1 was going to be before clicking on this.

Dream moderator on April 1, 2013 at 10:16 a.m.

Number one doesn't surprise me, but number two does and I'm rather disappointed with the choice considering Edward is actually a decent character who grew through his hell as best he could considering the circumstances (compared to a certain Eva pilot). What do you expect Ed to do realistically, be some exaggerated personification of manhood like Gurren Lagann's Kamina?

You want a better entry for number two...

This sad sack of crap would be more worthy.
This sad sack of crap would be more worthy.
jj_jacksonon April 1, 2013 at 10:32 a.m.

Dude your taking hell for number 2 lol and i gotta keep the ball rolling too. I disagree whole heartidly with Ed being a wuss. He does everything for his little brother and protects people when it counts. hes had a hard life geez you telling me if your dad split and your mom died you wouldnt find yourself crying at times? when your friends die because of things you did?? like hues?? your being alittle too rough on ol edward.

its nice that you'd take ed over all these canidates. usop,krillin,hanataro(bleach),young simon(at least the first half of gurren lagann),roc(1st half black lagoon)

jj_jacksonon April 1, 2013 at 10:37 a.m.

@Dream: and that statement about kamina (puts finger over mouth) shhhhhhhhh thats blasphemy

sickVisionz moderator on April 1, 2013 at 11:27 a.m.

@Dream: Makoto is about as opposite of a wuss as Edward Elric is. The wussiest thing he does is not break up with a girl he doesn't like to avoid conflict and not dealing with a potential pregnancy all that well, but he's a 9th grader. 14-year olds aren't exactly known for being bastions of maturity in relationships.

Anyways, he makes up for that by the sheer number of chicks he beds. He's pulling girls like he's the captain of the football team purely off of verbal pimp game. I think he lands a 4-way at one point, which is insanity.

AURON570on April 1, 2013 at 11:52 a.m.

I think this just shows how narrow minded you are. For example, I love how somehow only having a single girlfriend is a bad thing. Implying that manly men should have several girlfriends throughout one's life.

Kino88 is online on April 1, 2013 at 1:17 p.m.

Hey! where is Renton? he can out cry Shinji any day of the week,

and unlike Shinji he has far less reason to be such a whiny Bitch,

waaa!!! waaa!!! waaa!!! I'm stuck on an air ship with a bunch of (slightly moody) new age surfer dudes, woe is me....

Destinyheroknighton April 1, 2013 at 1:35 p.m.

@sickVisionz:

Anyways, he makes up for that by the sheer number of chicks he beds. He's pulling girls like he's the captain of the football team purely off of verbal pimp game. I think he lands a 4-way at one point, which is insanity.

I disagree, he only make up for by dying (I don't like those try of characters and real life ones either) If he was real, I would beat him half to death

Anyway, Edward shouldn't be on here. That like putting Domon Kasshu on here for crying about his dead mother, his frozen father and his brother who stab his family in the back (but I will respect your opinion)

I don't like Shinji, but I can see were he is coming from

ComicMan24on April 1, 2013 at 2:08 p.m.

That number one... couldn't agree more with you. I so wanted to punch him while I was watching Evangelion. But I agree with everyone else here for number two. Ed shouldn't be in that list.

Uncanny_Doomon April 1, 2013 at 3:15 p.m.
Didn't think Ed should have been here, but I saw Shinji at #1 from a mile away.
NickyCharismaon April 1, 2013 at 4:27 p.m.
... (in a whispering tone) Guuuuyss... I think this is an April Fool's Day Joke...
AlexEL staff on April 1, 2013 at 7:56 p.m.

@NickyCharisma: god bless you, guy.

patanuon April 2, 2013 at 3 p.m.

What day was it yesterday?

Kino88 is online on April 2, 2013 at 7:20 p.m.

ah crap!!! you got me!!!

so embarrassing.......

I should have known there was something fishy about Edward being on there,

but hey, it just go'es to show never insult a man's love for angst ridden 90's anime characters, it could get ugly....

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