How to Get Otaku Laid

Japan is working overtime to make otaku better, stronger, faster.

By gia manry | April 20, 2009

I'm not sure if either of these is actually secretly related to any government programs to improve the image of the nerdy, antisocial, pathetically-unlikely-to-ever-have-sex otaku-- but I'd like to believe that it's true, because it sounds funnier.

So! The first thing many otaku need to do in order to involves their personal appearance. And what better way to do that than by getting some exercise? And no, I'm not talking about any Wii Fit stuff that my mom likes-- I'm talking something designed specifically for anime nerds. A Japanese anime company has created a completely new kind of OVA: an anime exercise video, featuring an extremely buxom 16-year-old girl leading a series of exercises...often in her underwear. Well...I guess if they even get five minutes into the video before getting “distracted” that's still better than nothing. Right?

But once your otaku has lost weight and/or buffed up as necessary, how on earth are they actually supposed to MEET someone? anime!anime! has the answer here: a company called CST Entertainment is launching a new website calle OtakuMa (where” Ma” is short for “match”). Technically the service is for otaku who want to make friends, not find dates, but hey, we've all got to start somewhere.

Now, let's not mock our Japanese brethren too much: anime is a much more social fandom in the west, where we have anime convention speed-dating (not to mention sites like AfterCon.com and OtakuBooty.com aimed at putting together anime geeks in real life).

What do you think? Would you watch exercise porn? Join an otaku-oriented social networking service? Why or why not, and what makes or breaks the deal?

13 Comments

MoonStormon April 20, 2009 at 9:01 p.m.

I really can't take this seriously. How is this suppose to 'make' an otaku work out. If you asked me most otaku are not going to work out just because there is an anime telling them too. The CHOICE to change must become before the stimulus. But if you make the choice to change some of your habits and you want to add a short anime themed work out. Then this will work for you.

DocHauson April 20, 2009 at 9:13 p.m.

Why do I get the feeling that...

Y'know what? It's too easy to take the cheap shot. I'm sorry, there's just too many jokes to make about this news item, less than half of them are self-depricating and another 25% involve something kids shouldn't know about until they're older. Anyone else on the Vice Squad feel like taking the shot? Anyone?

darkcyderon April 20, 2009 at 9:45 p.m.

Nah man, it would only lower my intelligence to make fun of this.

RedRoseson April 20, 2009 at 9:47 p.m.

@DocHaus: Anyone who knows the cheap shots are already giggling in their heads. I know I am. I can come up with at least five things off the top of my head right now but it's definitely not appropriate.

I pretty much agree with MoonStorm's post. People will not exercise unless they have a goal in mind (like I exercise because I'm trying to be fit for my Yoko cosplay). Am I intriguied about this porn exercising video? Yes, I won't lie it sounds hilarious. But as for those social, "not" dating sites, ehh... I'm not really interested in those. If I wanna meet up other anime geeks together, I'll join a club.

TimSheehyon April 20, 2009 at 10:35 p.m.

I for one already watch some excercise porn, it's called FitTV. I recommend Shimmy and Namaste Yoga.

giaon April 20, 2009 at 10:39 p.m.

Tim: but this is otaku we're talking about. The mindset is 2D > 3D, remember? <3

Lunarmothon April 20, 2009 at 11:27 p.m.

Mmmm.... Can't say much about this. I feel that if just one more thing that just going to blow by. I'm just glad, like Gia said 'anime is a much more social fandom in the west'. It works for me for meeting people.

Agent_Loston April 21, 2009 at 5:37 a.m.

It more of a statement that anything else, how some people get into anime to escape the grim reality around them. I'm not going to make any joke, that just wrong.

Nerxon April 21, 2009 at 5:46 a.m.

Not bad, might give it a try as soon as i watch the actual video

ComradeCrashon April 21, 2009 at 10:08 a.m.

:P Funny! That exercise program would make it hard to do push ups after a while... As for the meeting other otakus would be cool. I myself must act like a normal person to interact with other normal people who don't like anime.

Zeouterlimitson April 22, 2009 at 2:43 a.m.

Yeah...
to be brutally honest I don't see myself exercising to that 'properly'. It's a bit too blatantly sexual, I'm pretty sure I'd just end up ... you know.

:-/

AhmedSulaymanon March 30, 2010 at 7:58 a.m.

i like that

John_Martoneon March 30, 2010 at 3:47 p.m.

Hmm... exercise porn? I dunno, I feel like you're doing it wrong if sexual conduct isn't exercise.

Pokemon Black and White Looks Delicious in Motion First video of a Pokemon battle in Black and White.
Comment & Win: One Piece Vol. 52, 53 Time for a giveaway folks! Now, act civil, we don't want anyone to get hurt in the mad rush to win.
Beginner's Guide to FLCL Gainax's madcap, surrealist anime, broken down for new viewers.
Ballz Deep Steve gets intimately close to Dragon Ball Z, for science!
Top 3 Awful Anime Dubs Grit your teeth and get your ear plugs ready cause this week we're taking on the three most amazingly bad dubs of all time!

FUSHIGI YUGI - - My First Anime Experience Our resident anime novice reminisces on her middle-school love affair with the epic fantasy romance.
TOP 5 Greatest Anime Detectives Get out your thinkin' caps, 'cause this week we're counting down the five best detectives in all of anime!
ATTACK ON TITAN #2 - - Watch & Learn There you are, TITAN! I like you more from this angle.
MAGI #18 - - Watch & Learn Sinbad knows how to get it done. Oh yes, he does.
GARGANTIA #3 - - Watch & Learn Whoa... these guys have watched a LOT of mecha.
ARATA THE LEGEND -- A Great New Anime Show? A smart and engaging new show. Each episode offers another glimpse into the Hayagami mythology, peeling away pieces of the mystery at a satisfying pace.
AV MOD MATERIAL: NARUTO Ch. 630 Review Even the Fourth Hokage can't save us now from this insanity.
An Underrated Anime Director? - - THE VICE PIT JIN-ROH, GHOST IN THE SHELL, PATLABOR, and URUSEI YATSURA?! Sam and Tom delve into the mind of the man responsible for some legendary anime.

TOP 5 Greatest Anime Detectives Get out your thinkin' caps, 'cause this week we're counting down the five best detectives in all of anime!
AV MOD MATERIAL: Ash Ketchum - - Character Spotlight He's been doing the same thing, over and over again, for over a decade. And he seems to constantly be re-learning lessons. But Ash deserves still deserves your respect!
MAGI #18 - - Watch & Learn Sinbad knows how to get it done. Oh yes, he does.
ATTACK ON TITAN #3 - - Watch & Learn Giants are nothing compared to a crotch-cranking harness.
ATTACK ON TITAN #2 - - Watch & Learn There you are, TITAN! I like you more from this angle.
AV MOD MATERIAL: NARUTO Ch. 630 Review Even the Fourth Hokage can't save us now from this insanity.
FUSHIGI YUGI - - My First Anime Experience Our resident anime novice reminisces on her middle-school love affair with the epic fantasy romance.
GARGANTIA #3 - - Watch & Learn Whoa... these guys have watched a LOT of mecha.

Anime Vice News

How to Get Otaku Laid

Japan is working overtime to make otaku better, stronger, faster.

Dig Deeper into Otaku

ARATA THE LEGEND -- A Great New Anime?

ARATA THE LEGEND -- A Great New Anime?

An Underrated Anime Director?

An Underrated Anime Director?

TOP 5 GREATEST ANIME DETECTIVES

TOP 5 GREATEST ANIME DETECTIVES

FUSHIGI YUGI - - My First Anime Experience

FUSHIGI YUGI - - My First Anime Experience

Anime Vice News

How to Get Otaku Laid

Japan is working overtime to make otaku better, stronger, faster.

Dig Deeper into Otaku

Before THX: The Cinema Shaking Technology of Sensurround

What To Watch for Wednesday, May 22nd