Anime Vice News

Five Anime 4Kids Should Destr-- Err, Dub

This could be fun.

So, word on the streets is that 4Kids, better known as "those people who turned One Piece's cigarettes into lollipops," among other things, is getting back into the anime licensing game, having failed utterly to develop their own game-and-cartoon property (called "Chaotic"). 

It reminded me of this great video someone put together that answered the burning question: what if 4Kids had licensed Higurashi no Naku Koro ni?
  
  

So, I came up with this list of other shows 4Kids could dub, in an amusingly horrible fashion of course.

5) Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei - This show is already licensed, but I'd love to see the 4Kids execs figure out how to crop out the constant references to suicide even in just the first episode. Maybe Itoshiki-sensei would have a remarkable love for really big pearl necklaces to cover up his noose, for example. They would also restructure the series so that Kafka would be the main character, and her insane optimism would no longer be ironic or amusing.
 
 
4) Sora no Otoshimono - Those aren't REALLY flying panties, they're paper airplanes! Oh...wait...
    


3) Kuroshitsuji - Any reference to Sebastian being an actual demon will be excised in favor of him being a "doyen" (it means "expert"), and the episodes will be cut to focus primarily on the wacky hijinks of the three idiot servants and whatever other secondary characters pop up. Ciel's wacky right eye and eyepatch are explained by a tragic, but curable!, disease.
 Meet your new main characters!
 Meet your new main characters!


2) Soul Eater - The "Shinigami" school becomes a Nerf battle school, so instead of transforming into a scythe, Soul Eater-- whose name will be "Peter," but he's so cool that everyone calls him "Soul Peter" --transforms into a Nerf scythe. Heehee. Nerf. The Thompson twins would transform into marshmallow guns, and Tsubaki is totally nerf nunchuks.
 Yeah, kinda like that.
 Yeah, kinda like that.
 
1) Durarara!! - I just imagine them 'shopping some kind of head onto Celty, for fear that the show would be "too violent" for the kiddies. And in the scene in the first episode where Celty beats a few guys into the ground with her motorcycle that's actually a horse? Think: My Little Pony.      
 The New Celty
 The New Celty

 
 
Okay, kids, share: what shows do you think it'd be funny for 4Kids to license...and which ones are you hoping to god they don't? (I sort of fear for my Shugo Chara!...)
metalsnakezeroon March 19, 2010 at 1:38 p.m.
I do not want any show to be license by 4Kids and they better not get Shugo Chara! (It will not be COOL AND SPICY!).
Wasenon March 19, 2010 at 1:40 p.m.
Thankfully it's already been licensed and dubbed, but Narutaru (Shadow Star for the other folk).  It'd turn into a Pokemon clone where instead of children turning Lord of the Flies and being violently killed by anatomy parts with teeth it'd be explained that they've taken their dragon to Nurse Joy even though they're never seen again.  The military involvement would become similar to Team Rocket's relentless pursuit to steal all the kids' Pikachu's so they could win the next tournament against the U.S.
DocHauson March 19, 2010 at 2:04 p.m.
  Armed Librarians: No one dies and turns into a book, there just happen to be a lot of magical stone tablets lying around...kind of like Moses' leftovers. In fact, no one dies period. Instead, they just get really tired and all get on a bus to a puppy farm upstate.
   
Bakemonogatari: All references to Japanese wordplay replaced with English words you need to study for your SATs, young man! Also, all scenes with any mention of Kanbaru will be deleted, because homosexuality is wrong!
 
Burst Angel: All guns will be replaced with showerheads and walkie-talkies, and all blood replaced with minty ice-cream.
 
Strike Witches: Entire episodes replaced with 20-minute clips of Flyboys.
 
Black Lagoon: The all-American crew of the Black Lagoon is on a mission to find sick robots and cure them with their "medicine cannons" of varying sizes! Featuring the hilarious Hansel and Gretel duo who only want to play with the heroes and not those mean parents who keep them locked in their jelly-filled room! Fun for the whole family!
 
Sorry about the sarcasm overload, I was inspired.
FoxxFireArt moderator on March 19, 2010 at 2:57 p.m.
Not to mention the 4Kids the "ones who hates breasts". In One Piece they removed all breasts lines.
 
Oh, Gia. Don't forget that in the 4Kids version of Soul Eater. Blair the Cat. STAYS A CAT.

Maria+Holic: A story about chaste young girls going to an all girls' school and there are NO BOYS ANYWHERE. Oddly enough, Kanako, renamed Katty, still gets nose bleeds but the effect is replaced with rainbows or flowers, and it's not due to her thinking 'naughty' thoughts. She has leukemia. 

 
I still say what VIZ is doing to Detective Conan is the equivalent of 4Kids. They renamed the two villains that appear in the very first Volume from their code names of Gin and Vodka to Melkior and Kaspar (I looked it up and it appears that these are suppose to be two of the three wise men from the Bible). In the manga the whole theme of the Black Organization is suppose to be their code names are all liquors. In that one move they destroyed the theme of the villains created by the author.
How is it people can read about graphic murder but not the name of liquors?
 
@DocHaus:
Love your Black Lagoon and Strike Witches comparison.
Kuma_From_Argentinaon March 19, 2010 at 3:07 p.m.
Berserk by 4Kids  
The blood is blue and it's water, 'couse every body is a Mizuton Bunshin and the Eclipse ends like this 
  
JackSukeruon March 19, 2010 at 3:17 p.m.
@Wasen: Funny story, a few years ago I watched the first episode of Narutaru, but thought it was kind of boring so never saw any more of it. 
 
Only much later did I find out that it "changed direction" after that. 
 
Edit:Also, how about Pokemon, renamed Pocket Animals. 

The young boy Ash travels the world with his Pocket Animals (Pokemals for short) friends that join him directly after meeting him, likely because he is such a swell guy. Throughout his journey he meets other people who also have Pokemals friends and sometimes they talk dramatically at one another while lines fly across the screen. You also sometimes get to follow a hardworking group of friends calling themselves Team Responsible. Team Responsible work different kinds of businesses for charity and often dress up in funny clothes to entertain Ash and his friends.
crusader8463on March 19, 2010 at 3:59 p.m.
I was gonna write something witty and humors here, but I'm just too depressed to write anything right now. I'm afraid you folks will just have to find some way to go on without me.
sora_thekey moderator on March 19, 2010 at 4 p.m.

Ethan's face on that picture is a total win.... 
Actually to be honest I never thought this was a problem. One Piece, sure it was made into a total wreck but because of that younger kids can watch that... 
Easy solution... just don't watch it! 
 
I do have a question though, if 4Kids makes the licensing does that make it the official release? I mean there must be dub where lollipops aren't the replacement for cigarattes.... right?
JJOR64on March 19, 2010 at 4:20 p.m.
Love the Higurashi video.  God, what show they will pick up, I wont be watching it.
giaon March 19, 2010 at 4:50 p.m.
@sora_thekey: For One Piece, FUNimation eventually took over the license, and all uncut One Piece DVDs come from them; 4Kids never released uncut episodes, although they also cancelled One Piece pretty early on "for financial reasons" (i.e. no one was buying it because they were marketing it at the wrong group). 
 
But generally speaking, whoever does all the work gets to release the DVDs however they see fit, albeit with oversight from the Japanese owners (who, you have to remember, have the goal of selling as many copies as possible, more often than the goal of maintaining the artistic vision). With Yu-Gi-Oh!, 4Kids worked with FUNimation to release unedited DVDs, and they also put the subtitled episodes up on YouTube (though the subs still used the dub names), so in their defense, they HAVE shown that they want to at least cater to that group enough to try and limit the "need" for piracy.
FoxxFireArt moderator on March 19, 2010 at 5:04 p.m.
@sora_thekey:
A lot of people are still under the mistaken impression that just because something is in comic or cartoon form that kids 'should' be able to watch it. The same argument is always made about  M rated video games.
 

@gia

said:

" @sora_thekey: For One Piece, FUNimation eventually took over the license, and all uncut One Piece DVDs come from them; 4Kids never released uncut episodes, although they also cancelled One Piece pretty early on "for financial reasons" (i.e. no one was buying it because they were marketing it at the wrong group).  But generally speaking, whoever does all the work gets to release the DVDs however they see fit, albeit with oversight from the Japanese owners (who, you have to remember, have the goal of selling as many copies as possible, more often than the goal of maintaining the artistic vision). With Yu-Gi-Oh!, 4Kids worked with FUNimation to release unedited DVDs, and they also put the subtitled episodes up on YouTube (though the subs still used the dub names), so in their defense, they HAVE shown that they want to at least cater to that group enough to try and limit the "need" for piracy. "

Which is exactly the reason why I still have respect for FUNimation. Though they may make alterations to series. They seemed determined to always try and offer an authentic product to the audience so people have options. That's a highly respectable business practice that should be emulated.
 
If it wasn't for those unspecified "financial reasons" 4Kids could still be butchering One Piece to this day. Just because they had some kind of consent. It didn't make it right or worth supporting.
You can't throw out a crappy and poorly made product and just expect people to buy it, because it's 'officially' licensed. Not when fansubs would make a better and more accurate product.
 
Now that FUNimation is doing a far better job on the series. That's worthy of support over any fan sub.
AJVon March 19, 2010 at 8:04 p.m.
I'd have to agree about Shugo Chara.  I would hope that 4Kids wouldn't overboard with the censorship it like the did with One Piece. 
 
As for what I'd think would be funny, I'd say:
  Ikki Tousen 
I'd love for them try  to tackle that series. :P
 
Rosario + Vampire
 I can only imagine what they'd do to this series.
 
There's more I could say but I think I'll leave it for another time.
 For now...
sora_thekey moderator on March 19, 2010 at 11:31 p.m.
@FoxxFireArt said:
" @sora_thekey:
A lot of people are still under the mistaken impression that just because something is in comic or cartoon form that kids 'should' be able to watch it. The same argument is always made about  M rated video games.
 

@gia

said:

" @sora_thekey: For One Piece, FUNimation eventually took over the license, and all uncut One Piece DVDs come from them; 4Kids never released uncut episodes, although they also cancelled One Piece pretty early on "for financial reasons" (i.e. no one was buying it because they were marketing it at the wrong group).  But generally speaking, whoever does all the work gets to release the DVDs however they see fit, albeit with oversight from the Japanese owners (who, you have to remember, have the goal of selling as many copies as possible, more often than the goal of maintaining the artistic vision). With Yu-Gi-Oh!, 4Kids worked with FUNimation to release unedited DVDs, and they also put the subtitled episodes up on YouTube (though the subs still used the dub names), so in their defense, they HAVE shown that they want to at least cater to that group enough to try and limit the "need" for piracy. "

Which is exactly the reason why I still have respect for FUNimation. Though they may make alterations to series. They seemed determined to always try and offer an authentic product to the audience so people have options. That's a highly respectable business practice that should be emulated.
 
If it wasn't for those unspecified "financial reasons" 4Kids could still be butchering One Piece to this day. Just because they had some kind of consent. It didn't make it right or worth supporting.
You can't throw out a crappy and poorly made product and just expect people to buy it, because it's 'officially' licensed. Not when fansubs would make a better and more accurate product.
 
Now that FUNimation is doing a far better job on the series. That's worthy of support over any fan sub. "
So their downfall was not releasing an uncut version of One Piece, 
but i guess they learned their lesson with Yu Gi Oh! 
 
Interesting!
Netstrykeon March 20, 2010 at 12:05 a.m.
Can we just bar 4Shame from licensing ANY anime?
FoxxFireArt moderator on March 20, 2010 at 1:04 a.m.
@sora_thekey: 
Well, I suggest that their folly was altering the series in the first place in a vain attempt to broaden the viewer base. The only thing they succeeded in was shrinking it. I also blame that for the original poor sales of the manga. For years they were pretty much only releasing a single volume sometimes four months apart at a time. I believe that the uninitiated either thought that the manga was just like altered 4Kids anime and some fans thought the manga had been altered like that as well.
It only seemed to be after FUNimation picked up the anime did VIZ start putting it into higher production.
 
In their prideful attempt to broaden an audience. They just turned off fans who would be their strongest supporters. That was the gamble they took, and they deserved to lose. Sell to your base, and then branch out.
 
@Netstryke said:
" 4Shame "
That's a good one. Bravo.
hitsusatsu11on March 20, 2010 at 10:34 a.m.
4kids should dub everything and jason griffith should play all the roles. 
giaon March 20, 2010 at 11:51 a.m.
@AJV: Better yet, that they pick something that's fairly family-friendly to begin with-- One Piece really isn't a *little* kid show.   
sora_thekey moderator on March 20, 2010 at 3:52 p.m.
@FoxxFireArt said:
" @sora_thekey: It only seemed to be after FUNimation picked up the anime did VIZ start putting it into higher production."
Speaking of FUNimation, is there a reason I can't acces their site? 
For some reason when I enter I get this page... 
 
 
 

Then when I try the consumer site link, I get transfered to the same page...
ethan staff on March 20, 2010 at 9:36 p.m.
That last one looks awesome!
FoxxFireArt moderator on March 20, 2010 at 9:49 p.m.
@sora_thekey: 
I don't know. The site is working for me. I just got done watching the latest One Piece out of Japan Ep. 443 and Ep. 109(One of my favorites).
 
@ethan:
I had no idea you had such pert breasts. You must be the envy of the office.

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An American film and television production company. Their most notable voice actor is Jason Anthony Griffith also known as J.Griff and Adam Caroleson. The CEO is Alfred R. Kahn.

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