Anime Vice News

Don't Marry Your Hug Pillows! It's Dangerous!

A public service announcement from the Anime Vice staff.

  So, a man in Korea has reportedly married his Fate Testarossa dakimakura.

Looks, guys, this is important and I have to address it: it is troublesome and outright dangerous to marry your hug pillows. I know you love them dearly, and that they're cute, sweet, and never say no, but I really want you to think carefully before you propose. Consider:

 They're cute...
 They're cute...
1. Your dakimakura will not help out around the house. All cooking, cleaning, earning of money, paying of bills, care for the children (the cute little couch pillows) will fall to you. Your dakimakura will spend most of the time in bed, unless you drag it out to play. You will also have to bathe her-- this may not be a downside to some of you, who will enjoy it, but it may be a hassle to others.

2. Dakimakura will never voice any unhappiness. You could be doing something that makes your hug pillow miserable but it will NEVER tell you so. Do you really want a relationship based on one member's unwillingness to disagree with you? Counseling will also never help. You'll do all the talking.

3. You cannot protect yourself from the greed of a dakimakura waifu. By this I mean, your hug pillow can't sign a prenuptial agreement. It has no hands.

 ...But they're hard to talk to.
 ...But they're hard to talk to.
  4. A dakimakura has no sex drive. It will never say no, but it will never be the aggressor and approach you for a little some'n some'n. As such you may find your sex life eventually loses its spark and possibly even fades out.

5. You cannot divorce a dakimakura easily. Similar to the above, your hug pillow can't sign divorce papers, which means you'd have to go through the much longer and more painful process of a contested divorce, in court.

I hope this appropriately cautions you from making an honest pillow out of your dakimakura. I applaud your devotion, but you need to do what's right...foryou.    
metalsnakezeroon March 6, 2010 at 7:57 a.m.
Seriously, that dude has problems.
JackSukeruon March 6, 2010 at 8:45 a.m.
not deserve proper sentence comment dumb dude
JohnnySakeon March 6, 2010 at 9:24 a.m.
When it's a fictional character, it's a pretty easy decision, (you don't marry fictional characters). But what if it was a dakimakura of you, Gia? Then I really wouldn't know what to do.  ;-)
Black_Roseon March 6, 2010 at 10:03 a.m.
Worst sex ever
FoxxFireArt moderator on March 6, 2010 at 10:06 a.m.
I don't know. They names of some pillows are misleading. There is a type of pillow called a "husband pillow". Why not a "wife pillow" lol
 
One thing I never understood about these pillows. Is the image printed on the actually pillow, or are they slip covers you can take on and off.
wwfunderakeron March 6, 2010 at 10:08 a.m.
Sex with a pillow.lol
Oishi_47on March 6, 2010 at 10:08 a.m.
How would the pillow sign the marriage papers? How does that even work over there? Also, with the exception of #2, wouldn't that be exactly like having a bad wife? I imagine that , again with the exception of #2 and the "hands" thing, that is a similar situation to a number of people's marriages to real people. Maybe a lot of people would find this to be an improvement, if comedians and sitcoms are to be believed.
giaon March 6, 2010 at 10:59 a.m.
@oishi_47: First person to get a video of himself fighting with a silent dakimakura on that new "The Marriage Ref" show gets 5,000 points on the site from me. 
 
Seriously.
Renkon March 6, 2010 at 11:44 a.m.
@FoxxFireArt said:
"One thing I never understood about these pillows. Is the image printed on the actually pillow, or are they slip covers you can take on and off. "
I think there are both kinds. 
 
i like my body pillow, but  i have never seen the draw of printing a half naked girl on it. Though, even creepier is printing them on your sheets and everything else...
Wraithon March 6, 2010 at 11:45 a.m.
I say this is a desperate cry for attention from than man, but I'm starting to wonder two things:
 Is the pillow the adult version of Fate or the loli version of Fate?
Isn't Fate a lesbian?
HeeroYuyon March 6, 2010 at 1:24 p.m.
*ponders for a few moments*
 
...... wha?
reinon March 6, 2010 at 1:56 p.m.
@Wraith: i don't believe fate is a lesbian, But it's been a while since i saw that series.
BobCaton March 6, 2010 at 4:09 p.m.
epic fail :)
metalsnakezeroon March 6, 2010 at 4:15 p.m.
@rein:  It just hinted at that she is with Nanoha, which I fully support.
sora_thekey moderator on March 6, 2010 at 5:31 p.m.

Wait is that guy for real?
reinon March 6, 2010 at 5:57 p.m.
This is disgusting. Now marrying Your Throw rug? Totally acceptable.
kakarot77on March 6, 2010 at 10 p.m.

If the pillow wants a divorce, does that mean she will get half his action figures?
FoxxFireArt moderator on March 7, 2010 at 1:25 a.m.
@oishi_47 said:
" How would the pillow sign the marriage papers? How does that even work over there? Also, with the exception of #2, wouldn't that be exactly like having a bad wife? I imagine that , again with the exception of #2 and the "hands" thing, that is a similar situation to a number of people's marriages to real people. Maybe a lot of people would find this to be an improvement, if comedians and sitcoms are to be believed. "
Technically, if they live together for so long. Legally it's considered common law marriage.

@Wraith said:
" Isn't Fate a lesbian? "
Maybe now he is her "beard".
lanaswifton March 7, 2010 at 7:58 a.m.

@FoxxFireArt:
I'm not sure South Korea has common law marriage-- only 11 states in the US do (plus D.C.). Japan has it though.

Rokujoon March 7, 2010 at 4:33 p.m.
I don't think it will last. As soon as he spots another on eBay, he won't think twice about having an affair.

Dig Deeper into Dakimakura

Dakimakura is a portmanteau of "dakishime" (hugging) and "makura" (pillow). They are body pillows featuring (mainly) female anime characters and are meant to snuggle with.

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