Don't Marry Your Hug Pillows! It's Dangerous!

  So, a man in Korea has reportedly married his Fate Testarossa dakimakura.

Looks, guys, this is important and I have to address it: it is troublesome and outright dangerous to marry your hug pillows. I know you love them dearly, and that they're cute, sweet, and never say no, but I really want you to think carefully before you propose. Consider:

1. Your dakimakura will not help out around the house. All cooking, cleaning, earning of money, paying of bills, care for the children (the cute little couch pillows) will fall to you. Your dakimakura will spend most of the time in bed, unless you drag it out to play. You will also have to bathe her-- this may not be a downside to some of you, who will enjoy it, but it may be a hassle to others.

2. Dakimakura will never voice any unhappiness. You could be doing something that makes your hug pillow miserable but it will NEVER tell you so. Do you really want a relationship based on one member's unwillingness to disagree with you? Counseling will also never help. You'll do all the talking.

3. You cannot protect yourself from the greed of a dakimakura waifu. By this I mean, your hug pillow can't sign a prenuptial agreement. It has no hands.

  4. A dakimakura has no sex drive. It will never say no, but it will never be the aggressor and approach you for a little some'n some'n. As such you may find your sex life eventually loses its spark and possibly even fades out.

5. You cannot divorce a dakimakura easily. Similar to the above, your hug pillow can't sign divorce papers, which means you'd have to go through the much longer and more painful process of a contested divorce, in court.

I hope this appropriately cautions you from making an honest pillow out of your dakimakura. I applaud your devotion, but you need to do what's right...foryou.