|This is why people think we're freaks, guys.||3 out of 3 users found this review helpful.|
Incidentally, Ikki Tousen has actually existed since the beginning of time within the ninth circle of Hell in order to punish the damned. Every day they pray for death, but it won’t come. (Believe me, I was definitely praying for death.) As soul-crushingly awful and downright disgusting as this little piece of trash was, I was paying attention to every minute and I can honestly say I have no idea what the hell just happened. Within the first episode I was bombarded with painfully forced dialogue about the Romance of the Three Kingdoms and every character’s fate every godforsaken minute, not to mention the GIRLY PARTS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGH!!! Apparently the school uniforms are made out of tissue paper, because every time a horrible asinine slut punches another horrible asinine slut in the stomach her clothes get ripped apart. Even more awkward is that no one seems bothered by it. Not one girl seems embarrassed about being practically naked in public, and nobody points it out as being weird, funny, or even sexy (which it isn’t). I guess the creators knew they were catering to the drooling, pathetic creeps who made this…this thing popular, so they felt there was no need to acknowledge it. You know what, I understand fanservice, but there are plenty of shows that have fanservice and don’t completely SUCK. Here’s an idea: Watch those, or go out and get laid for real. If that’s too hard, watch porn. I’m pretty sure there’s porn with better writing than this garbage. You know what’s sexy? Good storytelling. You know what isn’t sexy? Ikki Tousen.
Looking at the technicalities, this mean-spirited insult to anime fans calls itself an action show, but it’s a lying liar that lies through its gaping maw of lying-ness because there is virtually no action. Oh sure, there’s lots of fighting and lots of sex, both of which technically qualify as action I suppose, but it’s all speed lines. The art is pretty lame as well, and all in all I have to wonder what’s supposed to be attractive about these awful she-bitches when they are so unrealistically drawn. I have to begrudgingly admit that the soundtrack is actually fairly decent, fully orchestrated with some clever little synth mixes that sounds pretty solid on its own but is never too distracting. (Still not reason enough to watch it, though). As far as the audio goes, both the Japanese and the English track make me want to stick my head under a lawnmower, but I can’t say that’s the actors’ fault. They have simply been given a ghastly script, and all the talent in the world couldn’t make this any more appealing than a dog turd between two hot dog buns also made out of dog turds.
I considered the possibility that I am just being overly harsh because I am admittedly not the right audience for this show. After all, watching girls fight each other is meant to entertain guys, not us girls. But Ikki Tousen fails to succeed on even the incredibly simple task of creating fanservice that actually works instead of just grossing people out. Some anatomically out of proportion monster calling itself a high school girl will put another one into an awkward bind, nonsensically list the moves she’s using, and, especially nausea-inducing, will excrete some substance from her…ugh, I can’t even bear to finish the sentence. Just use your imagination. Actually, if you value your sanity, don’t. I swear I am not making this up, in fact, if I was I’d have to kick my own ass. If that sort of thing turns you on, well, you still shouldn’t watch this, because it doesn’t deserve to make any more money. Also, seek professional help, because you’re a freak. The reason I started watching it in the first place was that I figured I should try to branch out and try writing reviews for something I wouldn’t normally go near, as all of my reviews so far were for things I could at least tolerate. I’ve heard horror stories and decided to watch it as a sort of self-imposed challenge, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I recommend this to masochists and to an echelon of anime fandom that I hope I never run into.