kakashi mission part 1-4 vkakairu

Part Four
Long before 'Then'

"I don't like it."

The Third chewed on his pipe and said nothing. There was nothing to say, really. The fact was that Hatake Kakashi had passed the ANBU tests two years in a row. The boy knew he'd passed them the year before, and had been furious when the Third told him he couldn't join the ranks. Not yet. Now, Kakashi was watching him, blue eye nearly black in its intensity, even across the large stadium.

"I don’t like it either," the Third said at last. "But we can't keep holding him back. We need him." It had been three years since the demon, since the Fourth had died, since so many powerful ninja had been killed, and still their ranks were badly depleted. All those youths, gone.

Below, Hatake Kakashi stepped forward and received a mask, white and red and blue. The stadium was quiet, empty of all but current ANBU and the Hokage.

"It means the world to him," the Third said.

"Why?" the squad leader asked softly. "He's still a boy."

Kakashi put the mask on, over his own, hiding a face that would be angular once the baby fat was gone. The Hokage had a sudden, vivid memory of the year before, when the boy had brought him a flower and asked why no one liked him. "I don't know what drives him. He hasn't told me."

Kakashi stepped back, narrow shoulders straight, flak jacket making him look thinner than he was.

"I hope he finds it," the squad leader said softly.

**
Then--not quite 'Now,' but getting closer.

Kakashi came storming into the mission office--or as storming as he ever got. He marched past the line of shinobi waiting for missions and straight up to Iruka. "I'll take that mission," he said, pointing.

Iruka slapped a hand down on the scrolls. "Not unless the Hokage says," he answered.

Just then, as if summoned, the Hokage blazed into the room.

"You are NOT ANBU," she snarled.

The room cleared.

Iruka wanted to follow, but he had the feeling that if he took his hand off the scrolls, Kakashi would grab one.

The Copy-Ninja didn't even acknowledge the Hokage. "Did you know about this?" he asked, single eye glaring at Iruka.

Iruka sank lower in his seat and prayed for help.

Kakashi twisted, looking half back at the Hokage as she neared. "Did you know that this old woman thinks she can--"

Help arrived--the Hokage punched Kakashi.

Kakashi's head snapped forward, and he sailed over the desk. Iruka yelped, diving for cover. Too late. It was already too late, he knew, and the man was going to smash right into him. Then Genma reappeared and, just as Kakashi would have landed on Iruka, they vanished.

Iruka staggered on the ground that was suddenly beneath his feet, glad for the arm Genma wrapped around him.

They were outside. In the yard. Most of the ninja who had been in the building were present, scattered across the grass and among the few trees.

Inside, the sounds of a battle smashed through the office.

"Well," Iruka murmured, "that went . . . as expected."

Genma just shifted his toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other.

Inside, the crashing stopped. There was silence for a long time. Then something silver and black streaked from a window, disappearing into the forest. A moment later, the Fifth leaned out. Glass bits sprinkled down into the lawn below.

"Iruka!" she shouted, and tossed a black pouch down. Genma caught it, glanced at it, then handed it over.

It was a first aid kit.

"Is he okay?" Iruka shouted up, alarmed.

"I think so. Go after him!"

Iruka just nodded, and bolted after the streak.

It didn’t take long to find Kakashi; he hadn't bothered to cover his tracks, and broken branches and stomped moss led straight to the ninja. He was sitting in a tree, forehead protector resting on his leg, dabbing blood out of his Sharingan eye.

"Are you all right?" Iruka asked, landing carefully on a nearby branch and crouching to look.

Kakashi glanced up at him, then away again. "Fine."

Iruka unzipped the medical pouch, looking quickly for gauze. "What happened?"

"She threw me into a chair." Kakashi looked at him. He smiled briefly. "Your chair. It fell, I fell . . . " He stopped smiling and wiped his face, smearing blood. In the shadows from the trees, it was a darker streak on his pale skin.

"Let me see," Iruka murmured, jumping to the limb Kakashi was on.

Kakashi's legs fell to either side, dangling in the air, and Iruka crouched between them. The Jounin was slouched back against the trunk, the fight apparently drained from his tall frame. He wiped at dripping blood once more.

Iruka tried not to stare at the red eye, reaching up to clean the cut just above it. "You're all right," he said after a minute. "Looks like the metal bit into your skin. It's not deep." Bleeding fairly well, but head wounds did that.

Kakashi "Hmm"ed.

Iruka glanced down, realized how close he was standing--not that he could help it really, with Kakashi slouched back the way he was--and shifted back a little.

Kakashi was staring at him.

"What?" Iruka asked, self-conscious. He turned away to dig through the pouch, looking for small bandages. When he looked back, Kakashi was still staring at him.

"Where'd you get that scar?" the man asked after a moment.

Iruka frowned. Wordlessly, he dabbed antiseptic on Kakashi's forehead. "Where'd you get the Sharingan?" he countered.

The black flecks swirled, and settled again. "Did you know the Fifth wasn't going to let me be an ANBU?" he asked, the words oddly calm, though his gaze was intense.

Iruka thought about lying. He thought about it all through cutting gauze, and laying it carefully across skin, and taping it into place. No matter how much he thought about it, he just couldn't do it. He looked at Kakashi, then had to look away from the alien red eye. "Yes."

The black swirled again, but was covered when the Jounin tied his forehead protector back around his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Iruka sighed and settled back on his haunches. "I didn't want you to be mad at me."

Kakashi looked at him out of a normal blue eye. "Do you know why she won't let me go back?"

Iruka shook his head wordlessly.

"She thinks that I've isolated myself and that I'm in danger of having a breakdown or becoming rogue ninja. She actually said that. Until I start making some friends and not just working, she's not going to let me back into ANBU."

Iruka settled down on the branch. He thought that might be the most talking he'd ever heard out of the other man. "Well," he said slowly, "then it seems to me you should just enjoy your enforced retirement, and not worry about it."

Kakashi stared for a long moment. Then he stretched both legs out, forcing Iruka back, and linked his hands behind his head. "Hmm. Maybe."

**

He hurt. He was screaming, and people were asking questions, and all he could do was scream because he couldn't see and there was blood all over and it hurt.

He could hear his mother telling him everything would be okay, to let the medic see, to take his hands away from his face, but all he could think was that it wouldn't be okay and his face was probably gone because it hurt so much, and the other boy was crying and he just wanted to punch him because he had no reason to be crying--he wasn't the one with blood all over and his nose probably cut off and his eyeballs falling out, and he wasn't the one who was screaming with people pulling at him and his hands slick with his own blood and--

Iruka bolted out of bed and slammed back against the wall. Dark. He was alone. He looked down.

A kunai glimmered in his hand.

He took several deep breaths, walked back to his futon, and set the weapon down on the nightstand. He hadn't had that particular dream in a long time. In fact, other than images, impressions, and memories he'd cobbled together from being told how it had happened, he could barely remember it.

He scrubbed his hands through his hair and looked at the clock.

Five a.m. Too late to go back to bed, too early to be up. Damn.

He dug both palms into his eyes, then scratched his head. Might as well start the day.

It didn’t take long to shower and dress, and the sun was rising as Iruka left his apartment. He walked out through the village, waving occasionally at other early risers, and headed through the large main gates. Once in the forest he broke into a jog. The ground cushioned his steps, the leaves crunching with every footfall. Small animals burst through foliage in starts and stops, watching him to make sure he wasn't a predator.

It took ten minutes for him to realize he was being followed. He couldn't catch sight of his pursuer, but they didn't seem to be getting any closer; simply biding their time. In a village full of ninja there wasn't much crime, but it still existed.

He hoped he had enough time to set the trap before whoever it was made their move.

It took him five minutes--and several careful zigs and zags, disappearing from sight and leaving a clone behind to set the trap--before it was ready. Then he leapt for a tree on his left, swung around out of sight, and watched himself continue jogging, back toward the village. Set. As long as his follower didn't realize Iruka had caught on . . . Sprung.

There was a yelp. Iruka smiled grimly and raced to investigate--

Only to come to a dead stop.

He cocked his head. "Kakashi-san?"

Kakashi smiled brightly and waved from the complex net, sending himself swinging, before detangling and dropping to a branch.

"Were you following me?" Iruka asked, a note of disbelief entering his voice.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head, his face turning pink. "Ah, well . . . that was a good trap." Quieter, he added, "I can't believe I fell for it."

Iruka's eyes narrowed. "I may not be a Jounin, but I am a ninja." People seemed to forget that. Heck, he probably used his ninja skills more than any other Chuunin did, teaching a classroom full of children.

"Ah, yes, of course."

They stood there.

Iruka waited.

Birds started chirping.

Iruka waited.

A large, iridescent beetle hummed through the air.

Iruka waited.

A small animal, protecting its den, chattered at them angrily.

Iruka waited.

When it became very clear that Kakashi was perfectly happy to stand there forever, he asked again. "Were you following me?"

"Not . . . exactly."

"For the last twenty minutes?"

"It was more like thirty."

Iruka stared. "Why?" he asked finally.

"Well . . ." Kakashi rubbed the back of his head, then smiled brightly. "I was going to get breakfast. Would you like to come?"

"I--" Iruka stopped. He stared. He really wasn't sure what reaction to have, so he finally gave up trying to find an appropriate one and shrugged. "Sure."

**

They bought fruit and wandered through the awakening village. Kakashi really wasn't sure what to say. He was still vaguely embarrassed that he'd fallen for the trap. Between being overly intent on following Iruka, and not expecting a fellow Konoha ninja to set a trap--and, if he were honest, not expecting Iruka to be good enough to sense him--he had completely missed it. He shouldn't have. It was almost humiliating. Only 'almost,' because Iruka didn't seem to notice.

"You took not being ANBU very well," the other ninja said after a little while.

Kakashi shrugged. "There's nothing I can do about it, for now. So I might as well enjoy my enforced retirement. Right?" He grinned.

Iruka looked at him for a moment, then laughed quietly, shaking his head. "Right."

They kept walking. Kakashi could see Iruka out of the corner of his eye, peeling a mango with his teeth, dropping the rind as he walked. His fingers were a mess, and he had to walk stooped over to keep juice from dripping on his clothes.

"You must really like those," Kakashi said finally, a dubious note to his voice.

"Mmm," Iruka said around a mouthful of fruit. "One of my favorites. And durian. Have you ever had durian?"

Kakashi shook his head.

"It smells awful, but if you can get past that, they're fantastic."

"Like mango?"

Iruka looked up in nearly offended surprise. "Mango doesn't smell awful."

Personally, Kakashi was glad his mask hid the worst of the smell. The curse of having an overly sensitive nose was that every scent was magnified a thousandfold. Including mango. Which smelled rather like purified sugar, or old blood. "Yes, it does," he said solemnly.

Iruka looked puzzled and sniffed his mango-seed. Then he shrugged and kept eating.

Kakashi went back to chewing on his barely-ripe pear.

Someone called out, and Iruka waved. They kept walking, though Kakashi turned back to watch the woman for another moment. "You know her?"

"One of my student's parents."

"Ah." It was the third person they'd passed that had called out to Iruka. "You know a lot of people."

Iruka nodded amiably. "No more than most, I guess."

Kakashi certainly didn't know that many people. Another person, a man this time, greeted them. Iruka stopped walking for a moment to talk, and Kakashi just waited. Then they kept going, wandering vaguely back in the direction of their respective apartments.

"Is this why the Hokage asked you to keep an eye on me?" Kakashi asked. He didn't know if that was really true, but had to suspect it.

Iruka turned pink. "She told you that?"

Well, there was his answer. Kakashi just "Hmmm"ed. Then, before Iruka could start excusing or explaining or anything like that, he rephrased, "The Hokage asked you to keep an eye on me because you're likable?"

"I--" Iruka turned pink again. The scar stayed white against his skin. "I suppose."

Kakashi just nodded.

They kept walking.

It was upsetting, now that he thought about it. Here he had been thinking that Iruka was inviting him places because Iruka thought he was charming--or something like that--when in fact he'd been told to.

Iruka licked juice off his fingers absently. "Is this your stop?" he asked, motioning to the apartment Kakashi lived in.

Kakashi glanced up at it. He frowned, behind the mask, where no one could see. "It is." He glanced back at Iruka. The man was likable; the Hokage had done her job well. Damn it, he liked having Iruka around. He just didn’t know how to keep him around. There was a difference between the way he related to people and the way everyone else did. He wasn't sure what the difference was, and he didn't know how to fix it, but he knew it was there. He wasn't sure how to make Iruka like him.

And now, maybe Iruka would head back to his own life, because there was no reason to pretend he was making friends anymore.

"I should go," Iruka said.

Damn.

"Have you ever had jicama?" Kakashi heard himself ask.

Iruka looked at him. "I don’t think so."

Kakashi wasn't sure where to go next. "I have some," he said finally. "If you'd like to try. It's a vegetable."

Iruka glanced down the road, then back again. "Is it good?"

Kakashi smiled brightly. "I think so."

Iruka hesitated. "All right--I have a few more minutes before I need to be anywhere."

They stepped up onto the communal porch, and Kakashi headed inside.

He stopped. Iruka was waiting patiently in the doorway.

Kakashi shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable, hands stuffed in his pockets. "Do--do you want to come in?"

Iruka looked up sharply. He was quiet for a moment. "All right," he said finally. "If you're sure."

Kakashi forced a smile and nodded.

**

Iruka took his shoes off, and didn't touch anything. He put his hands in his pockets, tried to ignore Kakashi hovering nearby, and looked around.

The room they had walked into was small, obsessively neat, and mostly taken up by a futon. There was a shelf above it, with two framed pictures. Iruka started to look closer, but Kakashi bolted to the head of the futon and slapped both photos facedown.

Iruka pretended like he didn't notice, letting his gaze travel elsewhere. There was a box of books beside the bed, nearly overflowing with novels and magazines and even a few comics. "You read a lot?" Iruka asked conversationally.

Kakashi stepped in front of the box, nudging it toward the bed with his foot. "Hmm."

Iruka looked elsewhere again, wondering what, exactly, he was allowed to look at. The rest of the apartment was tiny; a closet, a chest of drawers, a little kitchen, also sparklingly clean, and a bathroom. From what he could see of the bathroom, it was just as neat as the rest of the place, all the normal bathroom things apparently hidden in small cupboards.

They stood there.

Obviously, Kakashi was waiting for some sort of reaction. "It's very . . ." Iruka tried desperately to think of a nice way to say 'sterile.' "Clean." He almost added, "and yellow," but he was pretty sure the apartment had come painted yellow, and the color had nothing to do with Kakashi.

Kakashi beamed.

Other than the two pictures Iruka hadn't seen, and the box of books Kakashi kept pushing toward the bed, there were no other personal effects. Of any kind.

Iruka stood there silently. Finally, he stared at the kitchen.

"Jicama!" Kakashi said, and bolted past him. Moments later Iruka was holding slices of a white root vegetable, still cold from the crisper.

He bit into it tentatively. It was good. Crunchy, and vaguely, but not overpoweringly, sweet. Almost like a carrot, only milder, and better. He made a 'good' face and nodded appreciatively.

Kakashi beamed and gave him the rest before sending him on his way.

**

Kakashi was waiting when Iruka finally got out of the office. Iruka stopped and smiled, more puzzled than anything, then kept walking when the Jounin fell into step beside him.

Kakashi took a deep breath and said, "A friend."

Iruka looked up quizzically, wondering if he'd somehow missed the first part of that sentence. "I'm sorry?"

"The Sharingan. A friend . . . gave it to me." He rubbed a hand through silver hair, which couldn't possibly increase the messiness of it, but did make it stick out in all new ways, and smiled.

Iruka's brain stopped working for just an instant. Then it stuttered back to life again. "Oh." He looked at his feet, watched where they were going, and tried not to think about how that could have happened. "I was playing with a boy when I was four, and he threw a kunai at me. I didn't duck."

Kakashi just nodded. Everyone else always winced. "That doesn't seem so bad."

Iruka just smiled. "I know." But when you were four, it was horrific.

"Are you--" Kakashi hesitated. "Doing things tonight?" he asked haltingly.

Iruka looked at him, and smiled slowly. "You're not used to asking people if they want to join you somewhere, are you?"

Kakashi just smiled and shrugged.

Iruka laughed. "I am doing something, actually. A group of kids are going to the lake to swim tonight, and I told their parents I would chaperone. But you're welcome to come."

Kakashi thought about that. Then he smiled again, and nodded. "All right."

**

He had to be losing his mind. He didn't know what to do with children. Even when he was a child, he hadn't known how to relate to the other children. And yet, he was standing in a tree above the lake, looking down at ten pre-teens--even younger than his Genin team, lord help him--splashing and screaming in the water. Boys and girls old enough to want time away from their parents, but young enough for their parents to worry.

Iruka was standing knee-deep in the creek, yelling at someone that no, they couldn't dive off the rocks on the other side into the shallows, and if they kept heading in that direction--

Kakashi raised his eyebrows at the rather creative threat that followed.

This was a bad idea. He hadn't brought swimming clothes. Actually, he didn't own swimming clothes.

Iruka came splashing out of the water, the end of his ponytail wet and swinging as one clump. He stopped and looked up, and Kakashi realized he'd been spotted.

He smiled and waved, trying to keep calm. They were only children.

"Come down!" Iruka shouted.

After a moment's hesitation, Kakashi jumped from the bough to the pebbled ground below, landing carefully. The swimming area was in a bend in the creek, providing them with the semblance of a beach and safety from the current. Large trees loomed fifteen feet away, but the sun helped to bake away some of the gloom and a good deal of the humidity.

Two of the younger children--maybe seven and eight--went screaming past. Kakashi realized that they weren't going to go around him, and jumped out of the way just in time to keep from getting bowled over. Iruka, on the other hand, just stood there. Both children swerved around, like water rushing past a particularly large boulder.

Iruka smiled and rubbed his scar. "I didn't think you were going to come."

Kakashi grinned back, though it was fake. He really should go. He wasn't comfortable here. He didn’t know what to do with little mini-people, and he probably looked like a fool, standing there in his gear when it was obvious he should have worn swimming clothes.

Make an escape, he told himself. Any escape. This was not the way to impress Iruka. "I just stopped by to say that I can't really come," he said, then shook his head at himself. "I mean, I didn't want you to think that I'd forgotten, but I can't stay."

Iruka crossed his arms over his wet shirt. "Really." It wasn't a question.

Kakashi didn't flinch. "I have some errands to run."

"I think you just don't want to get wet," Iruka said. "Or maybe you're leaving me to look after these ankle-biters on my own--" there was a screamed, "We are not, Sensei!" and Iruka's mouth quirked up, though he didn't look around. "--when I've been looking forward to having an adult to talk to all day."

"Don't you want to talk to us, Sensei?" a tiny little girl asked, her blue eyes wide.

Iruka smiled down at her. "I love talking to you, Keiko-chan. But you know what? Kakashi-san has come to visit me--" his voice got suddenly louder, "--and he really wants to go swimming."

"What?" Kakashi yelped. "I don't have--"

They mobbed him.

"Back!" Kakashi shouted, trying to fight his way free without actually hurting any of the children. Unfortunately, they didn't have the same handicap. "Ow! No biting!" he roared once, to a chorus of giggles.

To his horror, they were winning. "Iruka!" he pleaded, dragging five of them forward toward the trees.

Iruka was laughing.

Ten more seemed to appear out of nowhere--he'd have sworn there were only ten to begin with--and they leapt on him, forcing him to stagger toward the water. One dropped to his knees behind Kakashi, and the next thing the ninja knew he'd fallen, taking half of the miniature army with him.

They didn’t seem to mind. In fact, they grabbed him by whatever extremity they could manage and dragged him that much closer to the water.

That was it. He was not going to be dunked by a horde of nose-miners. Not when he'd beaten off half the ninja in all the countries. With a roar he managed to get back to his feet, children dangling from his arms and shoulders, and one even hanging around his neck.

Then he was confronted by Iruka, who smiled brightly and said, "Here," before shoving the tiny girl--Keiko, he remembered--into his arms.

Kakashi caught her more by instinct than anything. She was giggling.

"Now! While his hands are full!" Iruka bellowed.

Kakashi yelped as three boys barreled into him, knocking him back over a fourth and sending him sprawling, hands still in the air as he tried to keep the tiny girl from being crushed.

Someone grabbed her, and the horde rolled him off the edge of a little embankment. Kakashi splashed into the water, knees scraping the bottom, the shock of wet driving the air from his lungs.

It was only waist-deep. He surfaced, sputtering, amid much laughter. Iruka was standing on the bank, arms around his waist, tears rolling down his face.

"Congratulations!" Iruka said between gasps. "You've just defeated the notorious Sharingan Kakashi, the most feared ninja in Konoha! Make sure you tell your parents when you go home later!"

The horde cheered. Five boys jumped into the water in their enthusiasm, and promptly started a water fight.

Iruka was still laughing, his knees slowly giving out.

Kakashi grinned, then felt some sort of munchkin leap onto his back. He staggered, grabbing him, flipping the boy over his shoulder and into the water. The child landed with a delighted squeal, and the next thing Kakashi knew, he was being mobbed by kids screaming, "Me next! Me next!"

"I'll take down every one of you!" Kakashi said, his voice a mock-growl.

The children laughed, shouting back, and jumped all over him.

"Starting with your leader," Kakashi muttered. He reached up, grabbed Iruka's ponytail, and yanked.

With an aborted yelp, and amid much hilarity, the children's sensei splashed back into the water.

**

"I didn't think about this part of it," Iruka admitted, carefully drying kunai and shuriken. He laid the latest glimmer of metal out on the branch, high above where children might stumble across them.

"Yes, well . . . " Kakashi trailed off, peering down at the ground below. Carefully, he leaned over and twisted his shirt, wringing it out. Water spilled on a girl under the tree, and she squealed and ran away laughing.

Iruka glanced up with a smile. They'd pretty much stripped Kakashi of everything, laying his clothes across branches and boulders, and threatening the children with a fate worse than death (two extra pop quizzes) if they touched any of it. Currently, Kakashi wore his pants and the mask, and that was it. Long, skinny toes stretched across the bark, as if he could cling with them.

Iruka was trying not to stare, but it was hard. Scars criss-crossed the slender body like spider-webs, moving with every breath. Kakashi was so pale his skin seemed almost translucent, like it might glow gently in the shade--even though Iruka knew that was silly, especially since Kakashi was currently sitting in the shade.

His silver hair was dark when it was wet, though little spikes were starting to dry, sticking up brightly. The rest lay bedraggled down his neck and in his eyes, and Iruka had never really realized how long it all was, when it wasn't sticking out in every direction.

Kakashi brushed it out of his face for the fourth time in as many minutes.

With a grimace, Iruka tugged his band out of his own hair and offered it. After a moment, Kakashi took it and pulled his hair back. Most of it was just barely too short to really stay, and he ended up with an utterly ridiculous tuft on the back of his head. But his hair was out of his face, and that was all he seemed to care about.

Iruka grinned. "I'm glad you came out."

Kakashi smiled gently, and the black flecks swirled softly in his red eye. "Me too."

Iruka polished the metal on Kakashi's forehead protector, making sure all the moisture was out of the cracks. "You seemed to have fun."

The other ninja was silent, still not looking up. He was slowly emptying the pockets of his flak jacket, pulling out bits of parchment with seals on them and checking to see which ones were still salvageable. "I did." He seemed surprised.

Iruka just smiled and said nothing.

*********

Part One
Then (as in, before 'Now.' But not by much.)

"You asked for me, Hokage-sama?" Iruka said, bowing.

Tsunade looked up, then waved a hand at him to sit. He looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Do you know Hatake Kakashi?"

"The Copy Ninja? Of course. He's teaching--was teaching--um. I mean, yes." He settled himself in a chair on the other side of the massive desk and continued to look uneasy.

"Right. Well." Tsunade shuffled papers and wondered, exactly, how she was going to go about this. "I have a strange mission for you," she said finally, "and I can't explain it. You're welcome to decline it, however." She wasn't about to tell him about the files she'd found that the former Hokage had compiled on all the ninja, or how alarming Kakashi's had been, complete with notes from the Third that simply made it worse.

Not that Jounin were known for being very stable anyway, but none of the others had just lost their first Genin team to Orochimaru or other sensei.

"I . . . I would be honored, Hokage-sama. What's the mission?"

"You can't tell anyone about it," Tsunade warned. "Especially not Kakashi."

Iruka's eyes widened. "All right."

"I want you to watch over him."

As expected, he looked confused. Iruka started to rub the scar across his nose, then stopped self-consciously. "Hatake Kakashi? Why?"

Tsunade steepled slender fingers and stared at him.

"Oh. Right. You can't explain it." Iruka thought about that for a moment. "Why me?" he asked finally.

She smiled. "You're a teacher."

He stared at her.

"You know how to handle people who don't necessarily want to be where they are."

"And is Kakashi-san going to be somewhere he doesn't want to be?" Iruka asked cautiously.

"No. Well, yes. Rather, he won't be doing what he wants to do." Tsunade cringed inwardly. She couldn't really have made that more confusing if she'd tried. "That is, he won't be going on any ANBU missions any time soon."

"And . . . he wants to?" Iruka asked.

"I'm guessing he will want to soon, yes."

"But he can't?" Iruka was obviously looking for the reason without asking.

Tsunade just looked at him.

Iruka thought about it for a little while again. "I don't think I can tail him without being noticed."

Tsunade knew he couldn't, and guessed Iruka knew it as well. She sat back, waving a hand at the details. "So don't try and tail him. Make friends or something. That's up to you."

Iruka nodded slowly. "Very well."

Tsunade gave a silent sigh. That was good. One problem down, twelve hundred more to deal with before the day was out. She could already see Shizune hovering in the doorway with more papers to sign. "Thank you, Iruka. You're dismissed."

He stood, bowed, and walked quickly away.

**

Gai looked up from his tedious job to see Iruka standing before him, glancing around the open field. Gai dropped the daisy chain and stood, beaming. He liked Iruka-sensei. He liked pretty much everyone, though, so it wasn't saying much.

"Iruka-sensei!" he bellowed. "So good to see you! What can I do for you on this beautiful day, filled with the romance of spring and--"

"I've been talking to some people," Iruka interrupted, "and they say you're probably the closest to Hatake Kakashi. I was hoping you could give me some information."

Gai's arms fell. He thought about it. The wind picked up, tugging at Iruka's ponytail and tossing leaves. "Why do you need information on my most esteemed rival?" he asked.

"Well . . . it's . . . you see--I, uh, just wanted to talk to him. But I didn't know what to talk about. Or even how to find him." Iruka, Gai noticed, was turning pink.

"Ahhhh. You have an infatuation. How sweet! Springtime in the Land of the Leaves strikes again! Flowers bloom and hearts flutter!" Distantly, he thought he heard Iruka saying, "No! Nothing like that! Nonono!" but he didn't really pay attention until Iruka grabbed his arm and pulled.

He looked down. And smiled. "I will surely help you, great teacher of my beloved students!"

"Thank you, Gai-san," Iruka sighed.

"What is it you would like to know about my worthy rival?"

"Well, I'm not sure, exactly," Iruka said slowly, brown eyes thoughtful. "I suppose I just need something to talk to him about."

"Ah," Gai said knowingly, bushy eyebrows lifting in understanding. "He likes the Icha Icha Paradise books."

Iruka turned bright red. "Everyone knows that. I'd rather not talk to him about those."

"Ah." Gai thought some more. "He enjoys a good romp."

Iruka turned even brighter red. "I'm not interested in him in that way, Gai-san."

Gai looked at him quizzically. "I meant a battle."

Iruka turned nearly purple. "Of course. Um. So did I."

Gai smiled. "Ah, some of our best romps have occurred in the springtime, when the flowers are in bloom and the blood boils hot in our veins! When romance is in the air and young people are frolicking about! That is when Kakashi and I are at our best, when we get together so we can--"

A choked noise stopped him. The music fell silent, and Gai looked down.

"Iruka-sensei? Are you all right?" He looked a little . . . pained. Gai looked him over, but the smaller man didn't seem to have any injuries.

Iruka nodded. "Maybe I'll just think of something on my own. Do you know where I could find him, Gai-san?"

"Often, his apartment. Or the monument, in the mornings."

Iruka nodded and gave a short bow. "Thank you."

"Iruka," Gai said as the other man turned to leave, "I should warn you. He isn't like the rest of us." He looked around, then leaned in closer, lowering his voice. "He doesn't really have many social skills."

Iruka nodded once and left.

"I have social skills," Kakashi said from behind the tree, sounding bemused.

Gai lowered himself back to the ground, leaning back against the massive trunk. "Not really," he responded amiably. "And you're also very arrogant."

"Just realistic," Kakashi muttered.

Gai ignored him. "Now, worthy opponent! I shall braid a longer daisy-chain necklace than you before the sun is directly above us!"

Kakashi held one around the trunk of the tree. It dangled from a single slender finger. "Mine's already a foot long."

"I will do it, or I will run five hundred laps around Konoha, backwards!"

**

There was another knock at the door. Kakashi looked up at the clock. Sure enough, it was 5:00. There had been a knock at the door at 5:00 for the last three nights.

Normally, he ignored it, and Iruka eventually went away. He supposed he should throw the man a bone, though. Or at least find out why he was being stalked. Maybe Iruka did have an infatuation, and they could have a lot of sex.

With that firmly in mind, Kakashi unfolded from his chair, setting his book down on the little table, and walked to the door. He opened it and stared out.

Iruka jumped and looked up at him, brown eyes wide. "Oh! Uh, Kakashi-san! I was, um, just, ah, passing through and--"

"You pass through here every night at five?" Kakashi asked reasonably, slouching against the door, his hands in his pockets.

Iruka turned red. "Oh. Well. I thought you weren't home."

Kakashi just smiled.

Iruka turned redder.

There was something very satisfying about watching the younger man get flustered. He really supposed he shouldn't do it on purpose, but it was so fun.

"Genma-san just came back from a mission, and he saw Naruto and Jiraiya-sama while he was out. I thought you might want to hear their progress," Iruka said, rubbing at the long scar across his face. He smiled hesitantly.

Actually, he did want to hear how Naruto was doing. He crossed his ankles and smiled again, waiting.

Iruka looked at him.

He looked back, leaning against the door.

"May I come in?" Iruka asked finally. "Or would you like to go out somewhere, perhaps?"

Kakashi paused. Letting Iruka in meant letting Iruka into his apartment. Or, rather, his apartment. "Let's go get ramen," he suggested, feeling brilliant (he was, after all, a genius). He turned to get his shoes, then looked back. "Stay here," he said.

Iruka looked confused.

Kakashi ignored it and got his shoes.

**

Iruka never did figure out how Kakashi managed to eat his ramen without once showing his face. It wasn't that the man avoided it, exactly. More like, as casual as he was, something always got in the way when he took the mask down--or pulled it up, since Iruka wasn't sure which he did.

Either way, the Chuunin tried not to think about it too much.

"It's good to know Naruto's doing well," Kakashi was saying, leaning back in his chair. His single blue eye cast absently around the restaurant, and Iruka couldn't help but wonder what patterns the Jounin noticed that he didn't even see.

"Yes. And I hear Sakura's training is coming along nicely," Iruka added as an afterthought.

Kakashi nodded, watching a couple sitting across the room. He itched absently at the edge of his forehead protector, then re-settled it slanted across his face. "They have good teachers."

Iruka looked at him. "They did before, too."

Kakashi glanced over, then smiled. His single visible eye crinkled, and Iruka thought he could just see the movement of his cheeks behind the mask. "This was fun, Iruka-sensei. Thank you."

Iruka found himself grinning back. If he were to tell the truth, he'd enjoyed himself more than he'd expected. Mostly, they'd just talked about Naruto. Kakashi had some stories about the boy that Iruka hadn't heard, and Iruka knew all the old stories that hadn't made it as far as the Copy-Ninja.

They paid their bill and swung out of the little ramen shop, wandering back down the street. Kakashi's hands were in his pockets, and he meandered almost aimlessly, peering into darkened store windows as they passed.

"What will you do now that you don't have--" Iruka stopped. It hadn't occurred to him that this might be a sore topic.

But the eye was crinkled again, and Kakashi only shrugged. "Back to training, I suppose."

"Training?" Iruka asked. "You train?" Of course he trained, you idiot, he thought to himself. Everyone trained.

Still, it somehow seemed that Sharingan Kakashi shouldn't have to do something as mundane as train.

"I've been on easy missions lately," Kakashi said conversationally. "If I'm going to get back into ANBU, I need to polish my skills."

Iruka suddenly remembered what the Hokage had said, and wondered if he should warn Kakashi.

Easier to let the Hokage do it.

"Do the ANBU train somewhere particular?" Iruka asked, half holding his breath. Everyone knew the ANBU had to train somewhere, but most people didn't even know which of their Jounin *were* ANBU, much less where they trained.

"Mmm," Kakashi said noncommittally. He smiled behind the mask. "Would you like to see?"

Iruka tried not to bounce in his excitement. He tried to play it cool. By the growing smile on Kakashi's face, he failed miserably. "That would be fun." He didn't manage to stop grinning like a fool.

Oh well. No one had ever said he was good at faking. Anything.

**

Kakashi picked him up at lunch the next day, and carried him, blindfolded, to the ANBU training site.

It was in the forest, outside the village--which wasn't much of a surprise, really. Small animals hid themselves, knowing danger when they saw it, and the large old trees stood guard over the training ninja. Forms and shapes flickered across a small meadow, men and women stretching or checking equipment before they started.

"Why do you all wear masks while training?" Iruka asked, steadying himself against the tree trunk and ignoring the fact that Kakashi was putting on his own hard, painted mask. He knew the masks were to protect the ninja's identities from both enemies and their fellow ninja--who tended to be wary of the ANBU--but it seemed strange that they were hiding from each other.

"To get used to it. It affects your breathing, hearing, and sight," Kakashi answered, voice muffled even farther than usual by the faceplate. "Also, so people who stumble onto the site don't recognize anyone."

Iruka thought the other man might have smiled again, but couldn't really be sure. Then Kakashi was gone, melting into the forest with the other masked ghosts.

It was both one of the most beautiful and one of the most terrifying things Iruka had ever seen. Like watching a tiger stalk its prey, all sleek grace and fluid movements, shifting almost faster than the eye could follow, and knowing while you watched them that you could be lunch. They moved like dancers, twisting and shifting, missing each other or connecting and spinning away.

It didn’t take long to lose Kakashi. Iruka didn't mind. This was something that few people ever saw, and he suspected he wasn't supposed to. Not that Hatake Kakashi ever paid attention to the rules.

For a moment there was a flash of metal, crystal bright, and then it was gone. Another and another, and the tink of kunai hitting kunai. The rest of the world was silent, watching.

It was nearly an hour before Iruka remembered he still had classes to teach.

"Kakashi?" he whispered, afraid to break the silence, superstitious about attracting the attention of one of the wraiths dancing through the trees.

"Here."

Iruka jumped and twisted, only to come face to mask with a man he assumed had to be the Copy-Ninja. His heart stuttered back to beating.

"You scared me," he said, and only then realized it was probably needless.

Kakashi removed the faceplate, exposing his sweat-soaked hair and cloth mask, and smiled. "Sorry."

"I have to get back to class," Iruka pointed out.

Kakashi nodded, held up the blindfold, and waited while Iruka put it on. It seemed silly to him, but then, ANBU couldn't be too careful. As soon as it was tight, Kakashi lifted him (and it was just a little embarrassing how easily he did that) and they were running through the trees, back to the village proper.

**

Evening was falling, making the sky turn pink and purple over the treetops. Iruka leaned back in the porch chair and watched.

His befriending of Kakashi was going fairly well, he thought. He still didn’t understand why the Hokage had asked him to do it, and he was a still a little in awe of the Copy-Ninja, but overall, things seemed to be progressing nicely.

The door opened and closed again, and Kakashi wandered out onto the communal apartment porch, holding a tray with tea settings for two in one hand. He set it down on the front rail, then hopped up on the side. Leaning back against the wall of the building, legs stretched out in front of him, Kakashi somehow managing to sprawl despite the fact that the rail was less then four inches wide.

"Nice night," Iruka said, settling back after pouring himself tea. Kakashi apparently didn't take playing host that far.

Kakashi 'Hmmm'ed and tucked both hands behind his head, staring up.

"Do you ever take the mask off?" Iruka asked, watching the other man out of the corner of his eye. He wished he could move like that. At least, he could console himself with the fact that half the other Jounins didn't move like that, either.

"Of course."

Iruka watched him for a moment more. "When?" he asked finally.

Kakashi grinned down at him. "When I shower."

That was it? When he showered? "What about when you sleep?" Iruka prodded.

Kakashi shrugged.

"Is there a reason you don't take it off?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi shrugged again.

Iruka sighed and settled back against his chair once more. It shifted under his weight, worn and old. One of the men who lived in Kakashi's building waved as he went past them. Kakashi ignored him, so Iruka waved back. It seemed polite.

"How's the training going?" Iruka asked as the silence stretched.

"Oh, it's training. Going well."

Iruka didn't ask about the bulk around one of Kakashi's ankles. He probably didn't want to know about injuries received in ANBU training.

"Iruka?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka looked up.

"Why, exactly, are you following me? Gai seems to think you have a crush, but--" Iruka didn't manage to strangle back his "Huh?" and Kakashi stopped.

The Chuunin was pretty sure his face was purple from blood rushing upward. "I do not have a crush!" he ground out. "It just so happens," he said between his teeth, "that I thought we might be friends. Naruto spoke highly of you." Iruka refused to look at Kakashi. He could feel the other man laughing silently at him. He wasn't going to look. He wasn't. Damn Kakashi. He needed to change the subject. Quickly. "Why did you leave ANBU, if you want to join back up?"

Kakashi stared at him for a moment more, then finally--finally!--turned away. "Oh, the Third and I thought it would be a good idea to take a break."

They sat in silence for a while. Iruka sipped tea, watching people walk past the little building. Kakashi's eye was closed, his hands linked behind his head and making a worse mess of his hair than it already was. A child skipped by, kicking up dust. It spread lazily through the air.

"Gai's pretty sure you have a crush on me," Kakashi said.

Iruka coughed his tea all over the porch. "Gai thinks Inuzuka Kiba has a crush on Akamaru, so his opinion isn't necessarily the most authoritative," he snapped.

He could feel Kakashi looking at him again, as he mopped up spat tea. "Or, there's something going on with the Inuzuka clan that's verrrrry interesting."

Iruka froze. Then he turned to glare up at Kakashi.

Kakashi was grinning. Even through the mask, he could see it.

"I'm going home now," Iruka muttered, and, as quickly as he could, he did exactly what he'd said.

*************

Part Two
Much earlier than before

"Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked, hands in his pockets as he waited.

The Third eyed the ANBU standing before him. Kakashi looked like he'd just rolled out of bed. He probably had; it was only eleven, and he didn’t have any missions.

"Kakashi. Good to see you. I was just looking over some files, and thought I'd find out how your mother is doing." The Third settled back in his chair, pipe between his teeth, and made himself as pleasant as possible. Not that Kakashi ever seemed awed by anyone--which was both good and bad--but it was habit.

Kakashi looked surprised. Or as surprised as he ever did. "Fine, Hokage-sama. Thank you for asking."

"So you've checked on her?" the Third asked. The thing about Kakashi was that if there was a way to lie, he'd probably use it. The Third had no idea why this was, but he suspected Kakashi really needed some creative outlets. Preferably ones that didn't involve lying.

However, since he was aware of Kakashi's lying, he simply asked questions he knew the answer to.

"Oh, well, I saw her--"

The Hokage lowered his head and eyed Kakashi over the tops of his scrolls. He knew exactly when Kakashi had last spoken to his mother.

"Well," Kakashi faltered, "I would think that if anything were wrong, someone would tell me."

"I see." The Third leaned back. "When was the last time you saw your mother, Kakashi?"

Kakashi took and released a large breath. "Oh . . . several years ago . . ."

"Several years?"

Kakashi came as close to glaring as he ever did. "Twenty. One."

The Third lifted an eyebrow. "I see."

Kakashi looked sidelong at the wall.

"And how many friends do you have in Konoha, Kakashi?" the Third asked, though he already knew the answer.

"I have friends," Kakashi said, smiling brightly. "Hokage-sama, you don't have to worry about me--"

"How many friends, Kakashi?" the Third asked again. He would not be derailed. He watched all his ninja closely, especially the ANBU, and he wasn't going to be sidetracked. He'd given Kakashi plenty of time--years--to form relationships. It still wasn't happening.

"Oh . . . at least three . . ."

"Really?" the Hokage asked. "Who?"

"Ah, Rin." Kakashi smiled brightly again, his single eye closing.

"She has been acting as an ambassador in the Country of the Sand for seven years now."

"Well, yes, that's true," Kakashi muttered, looking at the floor. "Asuma. Asuma is a very good friend of mine," Kakashi said, head snapping up.

"Ah, yes, Asuma." The Third leaned back again, looking out his window. "Asuma said he admired you greatly, but was rather worried that you spent so much time alone." The Third could feel his trap tightening. He suspected Kakashi could, too.

"Well, Gai . . ."

"Is your greatest rival. A strange friend." He looked back, watching the man he'd known from childhood.

Kakashi wouldn't look at him. The Third suspected it was because he was furious.

When he spoke, the Third's voice was soft. "My point, Kakashi, is that I'm worried about you."

Kakashi's gaze shifted to him, but his head didn't move.

"You've buried yourself in work and books, and have forgotten that Konoha--the village you protect--is made up of people. You can't risk your life for something you don't even know."

Kakashi was watching him closely. Or rather, as closely as Kakashi ever watched anyone.

"I'd like you to retire from ANBU. For the time being," the Third added, when Kakashi looked like he might protest. "Take some of the Genin, and start helping us test and train them. It'll remind you of what you're fighting for."

Kakashi looked mutinous. Still, he bowed stiffly. "Yes, Hokage-sama," he answered formally. He didn't wait to be dismissed before turning and marching rigidly from the room.

**
Then (as in, returning to just before 'Now.')

"I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Iruka jumped and looked up. Kakashi stood on the other side of the mission office table, Icha Icha Paradise held in one hand, the other in his pocket. He was slouching, lean body settled back on his hips, and his silver hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in days.

"You didn't embarrass me," Iruka muttered, handing a mission scroll to the Chuunin before him and marking it down on his sheet. The next Chuunin hesitated, then shuffled up alongside Kakashi.

"Oh. Of course. You were just suddenly sunburned."

He started to blush again, damn it. He refused to look up. Iruka realized he was rubbing his scar, and stopped. "Yes," he muttered. "I was just suddenly sunburned." He handed another scroll over and glanced around the office to see who was left. Three ninja waiting to turn in mission reports, two more waiting for missions, and Genma wandering around behind the desks, poking through scrolls.

"Like you are right now."

Iruka broke into a laugh and glanced at the other ninja. "Yes," he said finally. "Like I am right now."

"Ah." Kakashi looked solemn right up until he grinned. "Well, maybe ramen would make the sunburn better?"

Iruka eyed Kakashi closely. "I do not have a crush on you," he said, very serious. The last thing he needed was for this mission to go badly.

"Well, it was flattering while it lasted," Kakashi sighed, then grinned and winked.

Iruka just laughed again, shaking his head. "All right. I'm here for a few more hours . . ."

"I'll meet you after," Kakashi said, smiling again and heading out.

The door closed behind him.

Iruka felt a pencil thump against the back of his head. He whipped around, glaring.

"Distracted?" Genma asked, grinning around his toothpick. "So, you and Kakashi . . ?"

"We're just friends," Iruka muttered, picking the pencil up and throwing it back at Genma.

He caught it without looking. "Does Kakashi even have friends? Acquaintances, sure, and people who respect him, but friends?"

Iruka sighed. "He's nice. Doesn't throw things at me."

Genma just snorted.

**

Kakashi's eyes snapped open, black swirling violently in the red.

Silence. He took a shaky breath, rubbing a forearm across his face, wiping silver hair away, and glanced at the window.

Dark.

He sat up, arms resting on his knees, and waited for his heart to slow down.

Dream. It had been a dream. Not like he didn't have enough of them. Just another one to add to the list.

He swung out of bed, grabbing his mask off the shelf above as he did so. A glance at the picture there, at the childish grins of himself and his Chuunin team, and he yanked the mask on over his face.

Sleep wouldn't return. He made tea, instead.

He hadn't realized how out of practice he was at dealing with people on more than a superficial level until he'd gone for ramen with Iruka the night before. Somehow, it hadn't mattered much that he didn't know anyone. He had his work and his books, and frankly, he didn't understand most people. Well, no. He understood them. They were too happy, or too oblivious, or just didn't catch on very quickly (which frustrated him to no end, since he caught on to everything. Even before the Sharingan).

He didn't know how to relate to people. He could predict them, and he could analyze them. He just wasn't sure what to do with them.

Kakashi pulled the teapot down from a shelf, scowling.

He really didn't know why he was letting Iruka hang around. He should stop. Friends were dangerous. Too troublesome.

The image of Iruka hanging from a cross, thousands of Itachi's stabbing him, appeared unbidden from the dream. He flinched, and the teapot dropped from his fingers. He jumped back just before it smashed to the floor.

Just another dream. That's all it was.

Kakashi snatched the broom and dustpan from their hook, and started sweeping up wicked shards.

He didn't often dream of his living friends. Obito, sure. All the time. And the Fourth, from before he'd been the Fourth. And his father (or rather, his father's body).

Iruka was fine. Iruka was alive and well. Iruka was probably at work right now. He could call and--

Kakashi looked at the clock. Okay, maybe Iruka wasn't at work. Iruka was probably in bed, sleeping.

He wouldn't call Iruka. He wouldn't. Absolutely not. It was not nice to wake someone from a sound sleep.

On the other hand, if you just checked on them and left them asleep, that was all right.

Kakashi hurried to get dressed.

**

Gai felt, rather than saw, the other Jounin. He glanced at his window but, predictably, it was empty. Well. He wasn't going to get back to meditating now, and he really didn't like it anyway, so . . .

He jumped to the vacant window and stared out. "Are you here to challenge me, worthy rival?" he asked, grinning broadly, hands on his hips.

Kakashi stopped in mid-escape. "Ah. No." He glanced back over his shoulder. "Not really."

Gai's smile slipped. "Oh." He looked around. No sign of anyone else. The streets were still dark. Down the road, a baker had begun his day, but even the animals were still asleep. When Gai spoke, he was quiet. "Are you making rounds?"

It was something the Jounin didn't talk about. The intense desire that arrived occasionally to leap from building to building. To peer into windows and watch to see if the occupants still breathed. Just to make sure those they cared about were still alive.

Kakashi hesitated. He nodded once.

Gai smiled. It was good to know he'd made Kakashi's list of 'people to check on.' Silently, he pulled his head back into his room and closed his window. Kakashi slipped off into the dark.

**
Long before that

Konoha's Yellow Flash knocked briefly on the door of the Hatake residence, a frown already in place.

It wasn't like Kakashi to be late. Granted, they'd done some extra training the night before, and he had taken his team out for ramen after, but even still, Kakashi was one of the few he could count on to be on time.

Everyone knew it wasn't Obito.

He knocked a second time, but there was still no answer.

Concerned, the blond Jounin opened the door to the house, feeling like a trespasser and prepared to have Hatake Sakumo ambush him at any moment.

Everything remained quiet.

"Hello?" he called.

The room echoed.

Moving slowly (the better to bolt for the door if anyone should appear, bellowing 'INTRUDER!'), the Jounin took off his shoes and began edging inside.

"Hello?" he called again.

Still no response. He considered heading toward the back, where the bedrooms were, but . . . well, he'd check everywhere else first. Bedrooms were private.

He inched through the silent tea room, with its empty tatami mats. He glanced into the small dojo, but left quickly. ANBU masks hung from the walls, their empty sockets glaring down at him accusingly. "Sakumo-san? Kakashi?"

He crept through the kitchen (sparkling clean, he noted. He wished he had the energy to keep his apartment this clean), and was about to leave when something caught his eye through the window.

Something silver in the back garden, nearly hidden behind a bush.

Glancing around once more, he headed out.

The garden was neatly trimmed and beautifully designed. He threaded his way around several wall-like bushes, circling ever closer to the shock of silver hair.

"Kakashi?" he called again. The morning was quiet; he could hear someone breathing. If it was Kakashi, he should answer. If it was the boy's father, he would at least look up.

Finally, jumping over a bush, he saw a break in the flora wall and hurried through to the center of the garden.

Kakashi sat on the stones surrounding a small pond, silver hair bedraggled and dripping. He didn't even look up at his sensei.

And there was good reason.

Konoha's Yellow Flash went perfectly still.

There were ants on the stones. Crawling through great pools of blood, and over torn black intestines tangled around a sword. Little black bodies writhed inside the vulgar smile stretched across the man's throat, cartilage and bone exposed. The head was tipped back into Kakashi's lap, open eyes staring up at the child.

Bloody fingers stroked through the corpse's silver hair. They trembled.

"Kakashi," his sensei said softly, kneeling.

Kakashi kept stroking, eyes unfocused. The Jounin reached out, and felt the child's chakra flickering unsteadily, pale and faint. He began to inch slowly closer. "What happened?"

Kakashi took a deep breath. "I smelled blood, when I came home." His voice was flat, wooden. The voice of a lone survivor filing a mission report. "I came out here . . ." He drifted off. Glassy eyes blinked slowly. Fingers sifted through his father's hair, then relaxed.

The Flash edged carefully closer, avoiding the blood Kakashi knelt in. "Kakashi? Come here."

Kakashi kept staring down, his face ashen against the stark black of his mask. "He'll be okay," he murmured. An ant crawled over his bare foot, then back down, walking on the bloated bodies of its fellows.

"Kakashi." He reached out and touched the boy. Kakashi flinched away, hands tightening in his father's hair.

"It's fine," Kakashi said. His voice was thready. The wind picked up, tugging at wet hair, unable to move it. Leaves swirled around them, flipping silver and green. "It's fine," Kakashi said again, settling back into his place, and forcibly relaxing his hands. His pupils were dilated. "I channeled chakra into him, like Rin showed me, so he should be okay."

The Jounin's blue eyes flashed, noting details in a single glance. The child was shrunken. His skin was almost gray. His eyes were washed out, now the palest of blue. He looked half dead himself. His chakra flickered raggedly around him.

"That's good," the Jounin said carefully. "That was smart of you, to channel chakra into him." He kept his voice low, steady. Soothing. "You should come with me now. Eat something. I'll call a doctor." He edged closer, still crouched, reaching out carefully.

White Fang's eyes stared flatly up, starting to sink into his head. An ant crawled into the slack mouth and vanished.

"Call the doctor. I'll stay here," Kakashi said softly. His hands trembled as he patted the hair down again. "He needs someone to keep him warm." He tugged the man's shirt tighter around the body. The cloth squelched between his fingers. He shivered. His clothing was wet through, soaked from morning dew and blood.

Carefully, the blond reached out and touched Kakashi again.

Cold. His chakra was faded. His stamina was used up. The boy was going into shock.

"Have you been out here all night?" he asked, inching ever closer.

"Is it morning?" Kakashi asked absently. "I'm going to be late for training. Am I late for training? I'm sorry."

Carefully, the Jounin moved until he sat behind the child, one leg on either side of the boy's. "That's all right. But, Kakashi-kun, we should go inside now."

The little body tensed up. There was a flare of chakra, the last little bit, as Kakashi worked to bring his mind farther into the present. "But Father--"

"It'll be okay. I promise. You've been very brave." Carefully, so carefully because he didn't want to panic a Chuunin ninja, he wrapped his arms around Kakashi and began to disentangle the child's fingers from the corpse's hair. "It's time to go, Kakashi."

There was a moment where he was still. Then Kakashi started to struggle, weakly, weaker than his sensei had ever seen him. "Wait, wait," the child breathed. "I have to put his body back--" he shoved at the blackened intestines, pushing them into the hole in the man's stomach. Flies swarmed up, and little ants ran every which way, trying to escape.

The Jounin caught the boy's hands, pulling him close against his chest, pulling him free of the body. The head dropped onto the stone with an ugly thump.

The child in his arms was all skin and bone, sharp angles and wiry muscle, but trembling and faint, like all the strength had left him. Left behind in the corpse. Pouring chakra into a dead man all night long . . . the young Jounin shuddered, wrapped the boy up, and carried Kakashi into the house.

"Wait--wait--Sensei--" Kakashi whimpered, twisting to look back.

He could hear the drone of bugs behind them. "It's all right, Kakashi-kun. It's okay. Come inside with me."

The little body was still shaking. He'd stopped fighting. His chakra was nearly gone, only the lightest of pulses, fading into shock. He laid against his sensei's shoulder, hands tucked between their chests. "I tried to keep him warm . . . "

His big hand covered the boy's entire head. Frightened, the Jounin began to channel his own energy into the little child, grabbing at the frayed ends of the boy's chakra and pulling them together, patching them, giving him enough that he wouldn't just fade into death.

"You did the very best you could. No one could ask for you to be any stronger." He closed the door behind them, and kept walking. Back, into the bedrooms. Into Kakashi's room, which was frighteningly adult. "I'm going to call some people. I want you to sleep now, okay?"

"I'm bleeding." The words were small.

He looked down, at Kakashi's hands, covered in his father's blood. Carefully, he settled the child on the edge of the futon, then began to wipe the blood away with his shirt.

"I picked up my father's sword . . . he always says I shouldn't play with them, but it was poking him . . ."

Small cuts across each palm. It didn't take long to find the first aid supplies, and bandage Kakashi's hands. Kakashi continued staring down at them long after they were covered with pristine, white cloth.

"Sleep now, Kakashi-kun," he said softly.

Kakashi looked up at him, eyes blank and pale.

"I'm going to call the doctor." And he would, too. Not for the body outside, but for the boy in front of him.

Kakashi just sat there, staring at him, through him. Finally, he took Kakashi's shoulders and gently pressed, until the boy was lying on his side. The Jounin covered him with the heaviest blankets he could find, called a medic, and with shaking hands started to make tea.

When he walked back into Kakashi's room, the boy was still staring at him with large, blank eyes.

"I tried to keep him warm," Kakashi said quietly.

He nodded and sat down on the futon, one hand on the silver head. "I know. You did the best you could. Sleep now, Kakashi."

Kakashi continued staring at the far wall.

**
Then (After the past, back to near-current times . . .)

He flipped dejectedly through his book. Not even Icha Icha Paradise could cheer him at the moment. (Three hours of sleep would do that to a person.)

Distantly, he could hear children playing in the creek. Far away, thank god. His tree was undisturbed, except by the occasional ant. He watched it crawl toward his boot, and moved his foot.

He flipped through the book again. No, no good. He'd already read it. Re-reading it wasn't going to make him feel any better.

Kakashi put his book back in his pocket and glared at the forest floor. Damn forest floor.

Nah, it was too much work to glare. He went back to staring at the leaves.

Damn Iruka, anyway. What did he think he was doing, hanging out, worming his way in until there was a while new host of bad dreams to deal with? Stupid man.

"Kakashi?"

He jumped and looked down.

As if his thoughts had summoned the Chuunin, Iruka was standing by the bank of the creek, looking out over the water. Tan hands were on his hips, and he looked vaguely annoyed. Or maybe concerned. Constipated. Hungry. It was hard to tell from Kakashi's angle.

Kakashi watched him.

"Kakashi? Gai said you'd probably be here . . ." then, quieter, "though I'm starting to feel like a fool, talking to the trees."

Kakashi couldn't help it. He laughed. Damn Iruka for being able to pull him out of a bad mood, just like that. (Not that his bad moods ever lasted, anyway, but when he had one, he should be allowed to hang on to it.)

Kakashi swung down, landing silently. Iruka, however, had heard the laugh, and was already facing him.

"Is everything okay?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi cocked his head. "Of course. Why?"

"I don't know. I just went by your usual haunts and you weren't there . . ." Iruka petered off. No doubt because Kakashi was laughing.

"You know my usual haunts? That's a bit obsessive, Iruka."

Iruka glared at him.

Then Kakashi remembered what he had pretty much decided on before. He didn't need any more nightmares. Therefore, he didn't need any more friends.

"Want to go for ramen?" Iruka asked.

That sounded good. No, wait, he wasn't supposed to be friends anymore. "I don't think so." The bad mood was returning.

"You don't think so? Why not?" Iruka sounded annoyed. He rubbed at the scar across his face, frowning.

"I have things to do," Kakashi said airily.

"Like what? I work in the mission office, and I know we're slow this week."

Kakashi thought about glaring, but discarded the idea as requiring too much energy. "I'm just busy."

Iruka stared at him. "Are you trying to brush me off?" he asked after a moment, sounding . . . well, rather irritated. Not upset in the slightest, but definitely irritated.

Kakashi smiled brightly and nodded. At least the man was getting the idea.

"Any reason?"

Reason . . . reason. . . . For once in his life, a lie didn't pop to the forefront of his mind. "No."

"I see. You're just being insane."

When put that way, Kakashi's carefully thought out logic seemed to fail. "Yes."

Iruka shook his head slightly and stared at the ground for a moment. "All right. Do you want to go get friend-free ramen?"

Kakashi nodded before he could stop himself. Friend-free. He could do friend-free. Wait. Was there such a thing as friend-free ramen? He wanted there to be friend-free ramen. Two people could go get ramen and not be friends. And if they weren't friends, he wouldn't have nightmares.

Still, he wasn't sure it worked that way. But he didn't have experience in things like this, and Iruka did, and Iruka wouldn't lie to him, would he? No. People didn't generally lie, in Kakashi's experience. Still . . . He looked over, but Iruka was already walking away. No time now to take it back, at least not without seeming like a complete fool.

He rubbed his hands on his pants, then stuffed them in his pockets. Damn.

*********

Part Three
Then (the same 'Then' we left with . . .)

"How's your mission going?" Tsunade asked, pausing as Iruka locked up the mission office door.

Iruka hesitated. "Well, I'm not sure. He's a bit . . . odd."

Tsunade just laughed. "He's a Jounin."

Iruka nodded. Worse than a child, sometimes. It was easier to teach summer school. He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed out; Tsunade had already left.

Ramen tonight with Kakashi. Then--well, he wasn't sure. He was eating a lot of ramen lately, though. At this rate, he was going to go broke.

Maybe he could convince Kakashi to do something else. He hadn't heard anything about the Jounin joining any of the games--not even the mock-training games--that the other Chuunin and Jounin sometimes arranged, so that was probably a bust.

Or maybe no one had asked. He'd ask. That was a good idea.

It didn't take long to get to the ramen shop. Kakashi wasn't there, but that was no surprise. Iruka sat, ordered tea, and started on some paperwork.

Thirty minutes later, Kakashi arrived. Iruka glanced up, finished what he was doing, and put his things away. "Get lost?" he asked dryly.

Kakashi smiled. "I did." He swung onto a chair, making the motion prettier than it should have been. Really, Iruka thought, someone swinging onto a chair shouldn't be pretty. It should be masculine, only somehow, Kakashi wasn't.

Not that he wasn't masculine, because of course he was, but in that movement--oh, hell. Iruka just stopped thinking. They ordered their food, then ate in silence for several moments.

"There's a game going on tomorrow night," Iruka said at last. "I thought you might want to come."

"Ah . . . no." Kakashi smiled.

Iruka scowled. "Why not? I don't think I've seen you at any of the games. Ever."

Kakashi's expression turned serious, even with the mask. "When I was a child, a friend of mine was hurt in a game. I don't play them anymore."

"Oh," Iruka said, mentally berating himself. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Kakashi grinned again, eye crinkling. "That's all right. No reason you should have."

**

Iruka rubbed his eyes and sat back in his chair, staring absently at the nearly empty mission office. "Genma-san, don't," he said without looking.

Genma appeared beside him, dropping a paper airplane on the desk. "I'm bored."

"You're a Special Jounin, find something to do," Iruka muttered.

Instead, Genma flopped into the seat beside him and stared.

Iruka glanced over. "What?"

"You're grumpy today."

Iruka tapped his pencil on the desk, flipping it around and tapping the other end as well. "I'm trying to make friends with Kakashi," he said finally, "but I'm running out of ideas."

Genma waited.

"I asked him if he wanted to join the game Asuma arranged for tonight, but he says he doesn't play games. That his friend was hurt."

There was a suspicious silence. Iruka glanced over.

Genma was staring at him, chewing on his toothpick. The Jounin looked away, then back up. "Iruka, look, there's something you should know about Kakashi."

Iruka waited.

"He's a liar."

"We all know that," Iruka said, frowning. Kakashi certainly didn't get lost in his own village on a daily basis. Nor did he meet naked Amazonians on every mission. Iruka still wasn't sure about whether or not Kakashi had seen Asuma and Kurenai making out while on a mission, but he was sure the Jounin hadn't seen them in an orgy.

"Right. We all know Kakashi will lie right to our faces about ridiculous things. He also lies about pretty much everything else. He didn't have a friend get hurt in a game. He hasn't ever played a game, and the closest thing he has to a friend is Gai. Just wait, the next thing he'll tell you is that his mother is dead."

Iruka stared at the Jounin. "Why would he lie?"

Genma shrugged. "Ask Kakashi."

**

Kakashi opened the door on the third knock, and looked in surprise at an obviously angry Iruka standing on his doorstep.

"You lied to me," Iruka snapped.

Kakashi blinked. "I did?"

"You said you had a friend get hurt, and that was why you didn't join in the games."

Oh, right, he had said that. "Well, you see--"

"You lied to me, Kakashi. You don't lie to your friends."

Maybe other people didn't lie to their friends . . . besides, who said he and Iruka were friends?

"Why would you do that? If you don't want to play, just say so."

Kakashi took a deep breath. That never worked. But if Iruka wanted to try it . . . "I don't want to play."

"Why not?"

Never worked. "I just don't."

"There has to be a reason."

"This is why I lie," Kakashi muttered. "People don't question you."

Iruka frowned even more at him, and glanced around. "Can I come in?"

Kakashi looked at his tiny apartment. "I'll come out."

Iruka was still glaring at him when he stepped outside. "I would like to talk to you, in private. So choose. We can go back into your apartment, or we can go to mine."

Kakashi froze. "But apartments are personal," he said finally.

Iruka glared even harder. At this rate, his eyes were going to burn out.

"Your apartment," Kakashi said.

It didn't take them long to get there, and the whole way Kakashi kept wondering why he didn't just tell Iruka to go away. Here he was, following a man who undoubtedly was going to tell him about how angry he was, and how Kakashi had done something wrong, and probably how evil and terrible Kakashi was. And yet he couldn’t seem to stop.

Iruka opened the door and stepped back so Kakashi could enter.

He did, carefully, slipping off his shoes and doing his best not to touch anything.

There were dozens of pictures on the walls. Children--students, Kakashi realized--and friends, and even a picture of a very young Iruka with his parents. Even then, he had the scar, though it was red and angry instead of the faded line it was now.

"Now, why don't you want to play the games?"

Kakashi turned slowly. The best thing to do would be to lie. He opened his mouth.

"And don't lie to me."

He closed his mouth. He could lie, and Iruka would never know. Except Iruka had figured the last lie out, somehow. But the truth would be awful. It was embarrassing. He watched Iruka and debated.

"Kakashi . . ." Iruka said warningly.

Kakashi took a deep breath and smiled, settling for a partial truth. "It seems a little silly for grown ninja to be playing games."

Iruka frowned. Harder. "Kakashi, it's a stress-release. A way to relax and a reason to see people, to laugh and have some fun."

"It still seems silly," Kakashi said.

"It's fun. If you need a better reason, you can read Asuma-san's paper about why ninja need to have friends and some sort of stress-release to stay healthy. We play the games because they're funny, they make us socialize, and we hone skills rather than wasting time."

This tack obviously wasn't working. Kakashi wavered. Damn it. He was going to have to tell the whole truth. He smiled, covering his embarrassment. "I don't know the rules."

Iruka stared at him. "We can teach you the rules," he said finally. "It's a lot like playing Ninja Mission when you were little."

Kakashi kept his smile in place by force of will alone. "I never played that."

"You never--? Kakashi, everyone's played that."

He smiled even wider, making his eye narrow. "Nope."

Iruka sighed.

Kakashi tried to push his embarrassment to the back corner of his mind.

"All right. I'll teach it to you."

"You'll--what?"

"Teach it to you. I am a teacher."

Kakashi shook his head. Nice of Iruka to offer, really, but-- "No, that's all right, I--"

"Please. It's fun, and you'll learn it quick. Stop arguing, because you're coming with me tonight, and you'd better know it by then or you'll never hear the end of it. Now, sit."

Stunned, Kakashi sat. He closed his mouth and smiled again, but really smiled this time. "Yes, Sensei."

**
Even before 'Then'

"You going to go play?" his father asked, smiling down.

Kakashi glanced over at the other children, screaming and shouting and throwing water at each other. "No."

A hand landed on his head, ruffling his hair. "Why not?"

He ducked away. "They don't like me."

"Of course they do. They just don't know you. Go play." His father gave him a push. Kakashi stopped as soon as he was out of reach. "Go play," his father said again. "You're too serious, Kakashi."

Too serious. Too smart. Too spoiled. Too fast.

Tomorrow he tested for Chuunin. These kids had only just started at the academy.

Slowly, because his father was watching, Kakashi dragged himself toward the group of kids. He glanced back over his shoulder when he got there. His father was still watching.

"Can I play?" he asked obediently.

"No," the nearest kid yelled back.

There. Done. He'd asked, he'd been refused. Just like he knew would happen. Just like always happened, so what was the point in asking any more? Kakashi turned back across the street, trotting up to his father.

His father stopped picking through fruit and looked down. "You're not playing?"

"They said I couldn't." He was relieved. Playing with the other kids always made him feel bad. They didn't like him.

"What?" his father snapped. Then he took Kakashi's hand and marched them back over to the park.

Kakashi dragged behind. This would be bad. He didn’t want to play. It was really all right. A ninja didn't need friends anyway.

"Kakashi would like to play," his father said sternly, to what was obviously the ringleader.

The boy--a few years older--looked at Kakashi. Then looked at the White Fang. Then he shrugged. "Sure."

His father smiled down and winked. "Have fun."

Kakashi stood there while his father walked back across the street toward the market.

"You can guard the fort," the boy said, pointing imperiously.

Kakashi glanced over at the fort. It was empty. "I want to throw water balloons," he protested.

"Well, we don't want you to throw water balloons. You guard the fort."

Kakashi looked at the fort again. It stood alone and dark under the trees. He looked at the field. Kids were screaming and running and soaking wet, water shining in the sunlight. "But I want to throw water balloons."

"Yeah, well, we don't want to play with you. Your dad wrecked things for my dad, and I don't get to go to the academy until next year, so I don't want to even look at you. You're stupid and you're going to wreck things and mess up everything in the village just like your dad did. You go guard the fort."

Kakashi thought about arguing. He turned, looking at his father, walking through fruit and vegetable stands. There was a clear space around the man, as people near him edged away.

"I'm not going to wreck things," he muttered.

"Yeah, right. Hatake's are just stupid. I heard about what happened to your mom. You're gonna wreck everything, and make everyone unhappy, just like your dad."

"He didn't mean to make everyone unhappy," Kakashi defended. "And I'm not going to."

The boy just glared at him. "I don't want to look at you, so if you want to play, you go guard the fort."

Kakashi turned and walked back across the street. He stood beside his father silently, thinking.

"You're not going to play?"

Kakashi looked up. His father had hurt the village. He knew that. Now no one liked his father, though the man tried hard to pretend like everything was all right. Kakashi wouldn’t be like that. He wouldn't--

"No. I'm going to go home."

"Are you okay?" his father asked.

Kakashi just nodded. "I'm fine. But I'm going to go home."

"All right."

Kakashi turned and started down the road, kicking at pebbles as he walked.

The other kids hated him. And he couldn't blame them. He hated that the village had been hurt, and that people suffered because of it. Some people wouldn’t even talk to his father anymore. Some even crossed to the other side of the street when they saw a Hatake coming, and not all of the children were allowed to play with him.

None of them wanted to.

Kakashi kicked another pebble.

He couldn't blame them.

He was ashamed of his father, and he didn't want to be. But he was. No one liked him. "I don't even want to look at you," the boy had said. It wasn't the first time. Things were only getting worse.

He opened the door to his empty house and stepped inside.

The mirror at the end of the hall echoed him. His father's face, his father's hair. He hated it. The other kids hated him. He hated himself. He wished he'd been born into any other family, and he hated that, too, but it was true.

Kakashi slipped off his shoes and walked further inside. He didn't need the other kids. He'd be a great ninja, and they'd all look up to him, and everyone would want to know him.

But right now, he still hated his father. His mother. His entire family, including himself, because their shame was his.

He stopped at his bedroom. There were mirrors in his bedroom, and he didn't want to look at himself right then. "I don’t even want to look at you," the boy had said, and Kakashi agreed.

There were mirrors throughout the house. His mother had said it made things look bigger.

He glanced down the hall, into the open door of his father's training room. On the wall hung ANBU masks.

That would be perfect. He would be ANBU, and then he would never have to look at his face again, and no one else would have to look at him, either. They would forget that he was part of the shamed family, and then people would like him.

If they didn't see him, maybe the other kids would let him play.

**
Once more back to 'Then'

Playing Ninja Mission as a kid was probably exhausting (Kakashi didn't know from experience, though he could guess), but playing Ninja Mission as an adult, with other Chuunin and Jounin, was utterly painful.

Kakashi had lost. He blamed the fact that he hadn't been allowed to use any Genjutsu or Ninjutsu, and his team consisted only of himself, Iruka, and Raidou, whereas the other teams all had six people each.

They said since he was one of the strongest ninja that had shown up, he got handicapped. Asuma had, too, so Kakashi supposed it was fair.

Still, they'd only lost by a very small margin.

He lay in bed and thought about the game, laughing occasionally. The rules were just ridiculous enough to keep it from getting serious, or being too much like a real mission.

Kakashi smiled, stretched out in bed, and wondered what Iruka was doing later.

Wait. No. They weren't friends. Not at all. He didn't need more nightmares.

Maybe there was another game soon.

*********