Chapter One
Chapter Twelve
Now
Kakashi's palms were sweaty. He wanted to believe it was because he was wearing gloves, but he suspected otherwise.
He took a deep breath, and walked up to the table Asuma and Kurenai sat at, smiling brightly. "Yo Asuma I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with myself and Iruka this Friday nothing fancy just at my place." He realized afterward that he'd forgotten to pause. He felt his face turn pink and smiled brighter to hide it.
Asuma and Kurenai were both looking at him, Asuma with chopsticks halfway to his mouth. The man put them down, scratching at his beard thoughtfully. "I don't think I'm doing anything," he said after a moment. "Kurenai?"
"Sounds fun. What time should we be there?" she asked, turning red eyes on Kakashi.
Kakashi froze. Time? He and Iruka hadn't talked about time. There had to be a simple answer. Had to. All he could think about was what an idiot he looked like, though, standing there with his jaw hanging open--well, not really, but it was the idea of the thing--and at any minute they were going to take it back and why couldn?t he just go back to doing life-or-death missions all the time? They were so much easier.
"How about eight?" Asuma suggested after a moment.
"Eight. Yes. Eight. On Friday," Kakashi said, and smiled again. His jaw hurt.
"All right," Kurenai said, smiling not nearly as brightly. "It's a plan."
Kakashi nodded and backed away, his entire body trembling. It was done. Just like that. All that fuss, and they'd just said yes and set a time and everything was done.
He got out of the café and down an alley before he had to yank his mask down and throw up. This was hard. At least with Iruka, he'd already known the man liked him. This was--this was-- he couldn't imagine how people did this all the time.
He leaned against the wall behind him and stared blankly at the next building over. Then he realized what he'd just done. For the first time in his life, he'd invited not-friends to do something. And they'd said yes.
He grinned.
**
"What are you doing?" Kurenai asked, standing in Asuma's doorway, her long, black hair tied back. It spilled in curls down her spine, refusing to behave. "We're going to be late."
Asuma finished dismantling his table, then put all the relatively small pieces--nuts, bolts, legs--in a cloth bag and slung it over his shoulder. "Iruka called and asked me to bring my table. I guess Kakashi forgot he doesn't have one," he said with a smile.
If he recalled correctly--and he usually did--Kakashi was his age. Somehow, the man didn't seem it. He always seemed either much older or much younger, depending on the situation. Iruka, on the other hand, always seemed younger. Young, and wise in a common sensical sort of way. They made an interesting pair, and one that Asuma couldn't help but think would be good for each other. It wasn't like either of them had any family to get support from.
"Did you bring the sake?" Asuma asked, hefting the tabletop up onto his shoulder and holding it there with one arm.
Kurenai lifted the bottle, watching him with bemusement in her red eyes. "This could be a very strange night," she said, lips curling upward.
Asuma walked toward the door, pausing to bend and kiss her carefully. Nothing made him feel as big as Kurenai did, with her pale skin and slender body. He waited afterward, while she rubbed the lipstick off his mouth with a steady thumb. "Probably," Asuma said, when it was safe to speak again. "But I'm glad Kakashi's finally showing an interest in other people. Not healthy, the way he holes himself up . . ."
"He's a grown man," Kurenai reminded him as he headed out the door. "He can do as he pleases. Should I lock the door?"
Asuma turned to look back. "Why bother? In a village full of ninja, if someone wants in, they'll get in."
Kurenai sighed and shook her head. "I still say it's safer to lock it."
Asuma only grunted, used to this particular exchange, and headed down the street.
It didn't take long to reach Kakashi's apartment; he still lived in the Jounin bachelor housing, despite the fact that most Jounin moved out when they could afford it.
Asuma started to knock, then paused. There was a heated discussion going on inside, and he couldn't decide if it would be better to wait, or to just knock. He glanced at Kurenai.
That's when he realized what they were saying.
"It looks dirty." That was Kakashi, the words rushed for his standards, and still slow for anyone else's.
"It looks fine. Everyone has toothpaste tubes in their bathroom. Leave it." And Iruka, speaking utterly calmly.
"I can't just leave it! What if--"
"Kakashi, trust me. It'll be fine."
Breaking this up could only help them, Asuma decided, and knocked. There was a moment of silence. Then footsteps, and the door was yanked open.
Kakashi looked strained, even with the mask. His forehead protector was gone, somewhere with the rest of his uniform, Asuma guessed, though he wore black uniform pants. His shirt was black, too, but button-down. Asuma was certain he'd seen it in Raidou's closet before. He didn't say anything, just smiled jovially and greeted Kakashi.
It took the smaller man a moment to relax. Kurenai, bless her heart, took her cue from Asuma and just acted like it was normal to stand in someone's doorway rather than walking in. Or maybe she figured that one out on her own. She was smart that way; observant of people, though she tended to be quiet.
Eventually, Kakashi moved. They stepped inside, slipping off their shoes. Asuma carried the table past Iruka, who was also showing signs of strain, and glanced around the tiny apartment.
Tiny. Only one room, with a half-wall that separated the kitchen. At least the bathroom was separate. He remembered his own bachelor apartment being bigger than this. "Where would you like me to put the table?" he asked cheerfully.
It took them a few minutes to set it all up, and Iruka pulled blankets and pillows off the futon and out of a closet to sit on. For a moment, Asuma thought Kakashi might protest. Then the slender man smiled again, and excused himself to the bathroom.
"Kakashi made dinner," Iruka said, keeping half an eye on the door. "His cooking is quite good, so I'm sure you'll like it." He walked to the little nightstand beside the bed, opened the top drawer, and pulled out two photographs. Calmly, he put them on the shelf above the bed.
"We brought sake," Kurenai offered, holding the bottle up once more.
"Thank you!" Iruka said, beaming. "Should I open this now?"
They all made positive noises, and Iruka headed into the kitchen. A moment later, Kakashi came out of the bathroom. He looked around, appearing slightly less flustered, then realized Iruka was in the kitchen and went dashing in. There was a whispered conversation, and Iruka was shoved around the wall.
He looked unimpressed. "Kakashi's a bit paranoid about his meal getting wrecked," he said in a dry voice.
"Kurenai gets the same way," Asuma said, grinning, even knowing she was going to hit him.
She hit him. He moved with the blow, absorbing most of it, and laughed.
"Just don't break anything," Iruka said, smiling as he walked into the bathroom. He opened a cupboard and pulled out a razor, shaving cream, and various other everyday items, setting them on the sink or in the shower. When he caught Asuma's gaze in the mirror he just shook his head and mouthed, "Don't ask."
Asuma smothered a laugh.
"All right," Kakashi said, appearing suddenly from the kitchen. "If you'll just give me some room, I have dinner . . ."
Everyone shifted out of the way. The smells filling the apartment were wonderful, slightly spicy but not burning Asuma's sinuses. Kakashi set several dishes down, then put out plates and cutlery and little sake cups. "Does anyone need anything else?" he asked, glancing over the table.
"Water," Iruka suggested.
Kakashi vanished, appearing a moment later with several glasses of water. After another moment's hesitation, they all sat down to dinner.
Asuma didn't recognize most of it. But, he was willing to try anything, if only because Kakashi was still looking anxious. It helped that Kurenai was courageous, and took several large bites of several different things, proclaiming them all amazing.
Asuma tried something orange carefully. It was good, he had to admit.
"You made all of this?" Kurenai asked, a combination of awe and jealousy in her voice.
Kakashi just nodded, obviously pleased.
"Maybe you could teach some things to Asuma," Kurenai muttered.
"Hey, now! I can cook!" He leaned closer to Iruka and added conspiratorially, "I make the best ribs in Konoha."
"He does," Kurenai said supportively. "Unfortunately, that's all he makes."
Asuma shrugged good naturedly. "Who needs more when one is perfect?"
After that, Kakashi seemed to relax. They ate, and talked, and it didn't take much time at all for Kakashi to return to his dry wit and half-lidded gaze. The mask was a little odd--moreso, because even though Asuma knew the other Jounin was eating, he never actually saw Kakashi take the mask down. He hadn't really expected the man to be wearing a mask in his own home, anyway, though he wasn't sure what he was expecting. It was such a part of Kakashi now that he had to wonder why he even noticed--except that with the forehead protector gone, it seemed more obvious. Yes, that was it.
Without the forehead protector, Kakashi?s expressions were clearer. Now, Asuma could almost see whenever some sort of neurosis would start to come over the other man. The Sharingan would twist for a moment, his eyes shifting suddenly. Hands would tense, though he was too good a ninja to actually move, and he'd look at Iruka.
Iruka, smiling, would suggest he get someone a glass of water or more sake, or he'd suggest something else to distract the Jounin, and Kakashi would leap up to do so--often stuffing something in a drawer or vanishing into the bathroom for a moment on the way. Afterward, Iruka would calmly excuse himself, and go put back whatever Kakashi had hidden away.
Kurenai was right; dinner was strange. But, still, it was an entertaining one, and the conversation between bouts of neuroticism was good--even if Kakashi was acting unlike himself.
Iruka was good for Kakashi, Asuma decided. He wasn't sure yet what Kakashi brought to the equation, but that was all right.
Once the food was all gone--Asuma freely admitted he ate most of it--he smiled and stood. He needed a cigarette. The need was buzzing under his skin, gnawing at his consciousness. "If you'll excuse me," he said, already feeling for his pack, tucked safely in his pocket, "I'm just going to step outside for a smoke." He had the distinct impression that if he tried to smoke inside, Kakashi might throw him through a window. Not that Kakashi had ever said anything about his smoking, but the place was very clean.
Iruka, ever the polite host, offered to join him.
Kakashi's head snapped up from where he was stacking dirty dishes. "Oh. Ah, me too," he said, looking frantically at Iruka.
Iruka grabbed his arm, took the dishes right out of his hands and set them back on the table, then smiled firmly. "You stay here and talk with Kurenai."
Kakashi paused. Then he grinned brightly and turned to Kurenai. "Of course. What was I thinking?"
Iruka turned and followed Asuma from the room.
The communal patio was empty at this time of night. Asuma wasted no time in lighting up and taking a long draw, smoke curling through his mouth and lungs. He felt almost instantly better. He blew it out in a long stream, then glanced over at Iruka. "So, you and Kakashi . . . ?"
Iruka's mouth tightened. "No."
Asuma didn't react, though he wanted to. "Really," he said. "I'd heard--"
"We were," Iruka sighed. "We decided it wasn't working. I'm teaching him to make friends, and then we'll go our separate ways."
Asuma glanced toward the apartment. He could see shapes through the window; Kakashi and Kurenai at the table. Kurenai was saying something, gesturing with her hands in that graceful way she had. "What happened?" he asked. As soon as the words were out, though, he knew Iruka wouldn't answer. They weren't close, and from what he did know of the Chuunin, Iruka was fairly private.
"Oh, nothing really. But you and Kurenai . . .?"
Asuma waved a hand. That was public knowledge. Not that either of them had ever announced it, but anyone who hadn't figured it out was as dense as a brick. Not that that stopped Gai from asking her out occasionally, but that was Gai. Asuma was pretty sure that one of the boys in Kurenai's team had a crush on her, too, but she would hear none of that. Not like a thirteen-year-old was a threat anyway, but it was funny.
They made small talk while Asuma finished his cigarette--quickly, because Iruka kept glancing in the window, as if checking on Kakashi. Asuma didn't ask about their relationship again; he figured he'd just get another diversion. Still, there was more than one way to skin a cat.
When they went back inside, Kakashi immediately stood and started taking plates into the kitchen. Iruka helped him, then bodily dragged him back out, muttering something about washing them later.
Asuma just sat back and waited for things to wrap up, knowing they would soon. When Kurenai said she needed to go--early mission the next morning--and Iruka said he did, too, Asuma just smiled. "I think I'll stay and help Kakashi with the dishes," he said calmly, a toothpick in his mouth. He rolled it with his tongue, and ignored the panicked vibes coming from the Jounin.
"Iruka?" Kakashi asked.
"I have to go," Iruka said firmly. "You two have fun."
There could have been an awkward silence after they left, but Asuma filled it almost instantly. He picked up the rest of the dinner dishes off the little table and carried them into the kitchen, Kakashi following him uncertainly.
"So, what happened with you and Iruka?" Asuma asked, setting the dishes down and moving away. Despite the fact that Kakashi had asked them over, he was obviously uncomfortable with them fiddling with his things; Asuma guessed that actually helping to wash dishes would be unforgivable.
"Nothing happened with us," Kakashi said with a casual shrug.
"Hn." Asuma leaned against the sink, arms folded over his chest, watching Kakashi run water. "Iruka says you aren't dating."
Kakashi said nothing, pouring dish soap into the sink.
"I can't help if you don't tell me what's going on," Asuma said, exasperated.
"There's nothing to help with." Kakashi scrubbed a bit of cheese off a plate with his fingernail, then dunked it back in the soapy water.
"But you were dating, and now you're not," Asuma pointed out.
Kakashi made a noncommittal noise and examined his plate.
This was more like the Kakashi Asuma was used to. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared. "Why aren't you dating?" he asked bluntly.
Kakashi thought about it for a long time, eyes half-lidded and regarding Asuma sideways. He was obviously debating on how much to say. Then, finally, he shrugged. "Iruka doesn't want to date me."
"Why not?" Asuma said, refusing to let this go. Iruka was the healthiest thing that had ever happened to Kakashi, and he worried about the ninja.
Kakashi shrugged. "Oh," he said breezily, "I said some things that made him angry."
The swirling Sharingan belied that he was as nonchalant about it as he'd have Asuma believe.
Asuma tucked his chin into his chest, thinking. "You probably don't remember Iruka as a kid, do you? He was a few years younger than us, and you were gone on missions all the time . . ." He stopped, trying to think back.
Kakashi was watching him out of the corner of his eye; Asuma could feel it.
"Iruka had a temper. He's learned to control it a lot better, but when he was a child--well, I haven't seen many people with a temper like it. Not only did he have a temper, but he was constantly in trouble. See, he'd retaliate. He'd do the most rotten things to people, or places, or monuments. The only thing I never saw him do was hold a grudge. In fact, he'd bend over backward to make people like him--or at least laugh at him." Asuma frowned, remembering. "It was actually kind of sad, sometimes," he said softly. Then he shook his head, bringing his mind back to the present. "My point is, he might not want to talk to you now, but I think he'll get over it. You just need to give him some time."
Kakashi was drying things now, very slowly. "I don't think that'll work," he said finally. "By the time he'll have calmed down, we won't be seeing each other much."
Asuma rubbed his chin thoughtfully, scratching at his scruff. "You just need time together. He'll remember he likes you." And if he didn't, well, maybe they weren't as good together as Asuma thought.
Kakashi was watching him now, overtly, waiting.
"Genma, Iruka, and I were going to go camping next weekend," Asuma said slowly. "Why don't you come? I'll ask Raidou, too, so Iruka doesn't get too suspicious."
Kakashi straightened slightly. "All right."
"And don't talk to Iruka until then. Give him space. He needs some room to stop being angry."
Kakashi nodded, settling back on his hips, eyes crinkling slightly as he smiled behind the mask. "I can do that."
Asuma grinned, teeth clenching on his toothpick. "We'll see what we can manage. You're not lost yet," he said, and stood up, no longer leaning against the counter. "Next weekend, then. I'll give you details later. Just--make sure not to bring any camping equipment. Leave everything to me."
Kakashi nodded.
Asuma grinned even wider, then headed toward the door. Kakashi walked with him, though he got the impression it was more to make sure he didn't touch anything than to say goodbye. Asuma didn't take offense. Everyone had their own little neuroses. Frankly, he was surprised that Kakashi had let them all stay as long as he had.
"Next weekend," Asuma said in farewell, slipping on his boots and heading out the door.
"Later," Kakashi responded, and closed it behind him.
**
Long ago . . .
Kakashi sat in his bachelor apartment, staring at the blank wall. Behind him, fireworks shot through the air, and the light came in through the window. For a moment the wall exploded in color, and he could distantly hear cheering.
Maybe he should have stayed at Rin's party. But everyone there--well, they were all his age. They were talking about C and D ranked missions, and every time he tried to talk about his missions they looked at him funny. They talked about music, which he didn't listen to, and mutual friends he didn't know, and problems with their senseis, which he didn't have. There were a lot of people, and that made him nervous, and his Sharingan was starting to hurt from all the patterns the crowd made.
No, better to come home. He didn't fit there.
He wished the other Jounin hadn't all gone away. He'd asked them over, but they had plans. They were going to the adults-only place on the edge of the village, and since he was only fourteen, he wasn't allowed.
Kakashi swung his feet again. Color splashed against the wall. The window muffled the sound of the people watching outside.
Light flashed again, followed by the rumble and pop of fireworks.
He picked up a book, curling back on the futon, and read by the lights of the explosions. He didn't need people in his apartment, anyway. This way, it stayed clean. Quiet. He didn't have to worry about anyone messing things up, or getting too much information about him. Yes, it was better when it was empty.
Chapter Thirteen
Many years ago . . .
"Why are we doing this?" Kakashi asked, arms folded over his very small chest, brows drawn down almost comically.
His sensei didn't laugh, but it took great effort. Instead, the blond Jounin ruffled Kakashi's hair, just for the duck-and-glower he always got, and dropped the portion of camping supplies he was carrying. "For fun."
With a grateful moan, Obito dropped his supplies, too. "We're here?" the Uchiha boy said hopefully.
"We're here!"
"There's no point to this," Kakashi said, slightly louder this time, as if that might make his point more clearly.
"I'm going to share a tent with Sensei," Rin announced, "because you two are too close to my age, and that would be improper."
Obito snorted. "Like you ever worry about what's improper."
Rin stuck her tongue out at him.
Kakashi was giving the Jounin a pained looked. "I could be training right now."
"Kakashi," the man laughed, "even ANBU have fun sometimes. Just enjoy it. You're stuck with us for the next two days. Time to learn how to relax."
**
Now
"How many people are coming?" Iruka asked, dropping his bags beside a tent and glancing around the clearing.
A firepit sat in the middle, lined with stones, already set up with wood and tinder. Logs and stumps had been dragged into a ring around it, and Genma's hammock swung between two trees.
"A bunch of people," Asuma said from nearby, where he was clearing rocks so he could pitch another tent. "Gai is bringing Raidou, and I asked Kakashi to come, plus you, me, and Genma's already here--hunting for firewood."
Iruka's eyebrows rose as he headed toward Asuma, helping to pull branches out of the way. "Quite a group. Kakashi's coming?"
Asuma nodded, spreading out the tent with sure movements. "It's good that he's finally branching out. I asked him after dinner last week."
Iruka pulled out long, slender lengths of bamboo, threading them through loops in the tarp. Within moments they had a two-man tent set up, and Asuma was moving on to another site. "That's good," Iruka said neutrally. He hadn't seen Kakashi all week. He wasn't sure how he felt about it. One the one hand, it seemed he'd fulfilled his mission; Kakashi was all right. On the other hand, he was starting to miss him, in an odd sort of way.
It was just that he was worried about the Jounin. That was all.
"Hey, we made it!" Raidou shouted, leaping down out of a large tree, Gai hot on his heels.
"Ha ha!" Gai laughed, hands on his hips and his teeth gleaming. "I beat Kakashi, as I said I would!"
Raidou rolled his eyes.
Kakashi jumped down out of the foliage, looking distinctly unimpressed. "Yes, Gai," he said in a voice that screamed he didn't care, "you won."
Gai's smile was replaced by a frown. "Kakashi! Always so cool! Acting like you don't ca--"
"I brought food," Kakashi said to the group at large.
Iruka perked up. "Really? What?"
"I brought ribs," Asuma reminded him darkly.
"So we'll be incredibly well-fed this weekend," Iruka said diplomatically, smiling as brightly as he could.
"Who wants to go swimming?" Iruka heard Genma call. He turned in time to see the Special Jounin drop an armful of firewood by the pit, letting it clatter and crash at his feet. Genma was already stripped down to his underwear and boots--no one wanted to walk barefoot on the forest floor.
"Me!" Raidou answered instantly, tugging off his shirt and dropping it on his pile of supplies.
"I've got two more tents to set up," Asuma said, glancing around. "And then I'll come."
An hour later had all of them down by the creek, nearly everyone stripped down to underwear or bathing suits or--in Kakashi's case--an extra pair of pants and his mask.
"You coming in, Iruka?" Raidou shouted from the headlock Genma had put him in.
"Maybe later," Iruka answered, sitting on a boulder in the sun, his arms around his knees.
"Iruka's shyyyyy," Genma singsonged, grinning wickedly.
Kakashi was looking at him oddly. "No, he's not," he said, eyes narrowed. "I've seen him half-naked around a million children."
Iruka ignored them all, stretching to lean back on his hands and bask in the sun. It was an odd group, and one that he'd fallen into quite by accident. They were all a bit older than he was, and all Jounin--or higher. Working in the mission office gave him access to people he wouldn't have really gotten to know otherwise.
They were a good group, he had to say.
Then he felt hands on his shirt, yanking forward and down. "Oh my god!" Raidou said, his head of brown hair in Iruka's face as he peered down. "He's got burn scars all over his chest!"
Iruka slapped Raidou's temple, bringing a leg up sharply. Anyone else he would have been kneed, but Raidou was a high level ninja; he dodged, laughing the whole time.
"You're a jerk," Iruka muttered.
Raidou flopped down next to him, still laughing, the burn scars across his face and chest shiny in the sun.
"I don't understand," Kakashi said, standing hip-deep in water and looking puzzled.
"He doesn't have any scars," Genma said, grinning at Iruka.
Iruka glared at him, but didn't really mean it.
Genma just grinned. "Raidou thinks that's why he never takes off his shirt."
Kakashi looked up at him, eyebrow quirked.
Iruka didn?t bother to say anything. There wasn't much to say, either. He could deny it, which would only make Raidou tease him more, or he could agree to it--which would only make Raidou tease him more. So he sat quietly and waited for the Jounin to lose interest.
"You should come swimming, Iruka," Raidou said, sprawled on the boulder and leaving a man-sized puddle.
"I don't feel like it," Iruka answered.
"What if we whined at you?" Raidou asked.
Iruka gave him his best Stern Sensei glare. "Don't."
It didn't work on Raidou. "Iiiiiiiirrrrrukaaaaaaaa," he said nasally. "Come swiiiiiiming with--"
Iruka lunged to his feet, grabbed the Jounin by his hair and underwear, and hauled him off the boulder.
As the Chuunin expected, Raidou wrapped himself around Iruka's waist and one leg, the threat unmistakable; I go, and you go, too.
That didn't matter so much, though. With a yell Iruka toppled them both off the rock and into the creek.
They emerged sputtering, hair flattened to their skulls. Laughing, Raidou slicked his back off his face, while Iruka dove under once more, swimming forward and coming up so his ponytail was at least out of his eyes.
"I can swim clear down to the bend and back!" Gai announced loudly. "Faster than you, my oh-so-cool rival!"
"Not now, Gai," Kakashi muttered.
"Oh, I don't know," Genma said, a mischievous glint in his eyes, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I think Kakashi could beat you . . ."
Iruka laughed as Gai's chest puffed out, and Kakashi gave Genma a dirty look. The Special Jounin only grinned wickedly.
"Now we must truly find out which of us is the faster swimmer!" Gai bellowed. "I have already beaten you once, my esteemed rival! Be aware if I beat you again, I'll have the title of most fearsome warrior in Konoha! And if you win, I'll--"
"Take down all the tents and bring them back yourself," Asuma interjected, floating on his back in the water.
"YES! Take down all the tents and bring them back to our beautiful city alone!" Gai's teeth glimmered.
Kakashi sighed. "All right," he said with a nonchalant shrug. "If you really want to."
"I do! On the count of three we'll--"
Kakashi turned and dove, striking off into the deeper area in the middle of the creek with powerful strokes.
"Ah, you are truly a master of being sneaky!" Gai shouted, and leapt after him.
"That was mean," Iruka laughed, pushing toward a deeper area where he could tread water without smacking his feet.
"Yeah," Asuma agreed, a sleepy smile on his face.
Raidou held a finger to his lips, sinking down into the creek until only his head peeked above. Silently, moving gracefully through the water, he crept toward Asuma.
"Don't," Asuma said.
Raidou stopped barely a foot from the bigger man. His eyes moved, looking first at Iruka, then at Genma. Then he jumped up out of the water and belly-flopped onto Asuma.
"Gah! You ass!" Asuma shouted as he went under.
Iruka and Genma laughed, Iruka sinking further down.
Distantly, they could still hear Gai and Kakashi splashing away, though it was mostly drowned out by Asuma and Raidou.
The sun sank below the treeline, leaving them in sudden shadow. Iruka, treading water, shivered. "I think I?m going to go start the bonfire," he said, twisting to grab hold of the overhanging ledge and swinging himself up.
Genma ducked under the water again, coming up with a mouthful and spitting it at Iruka. It fell short.
"Lovely," Iruka snorted. He padded away from the creek, wet feet slapping on the ground, muffled by leaves and heavy dirt. Behind him, he could hear Gai bellowing about his worthy rival, and how he would most certainly take down all the tents himself. Iruka grinned. Guess he'd lost.
**
An owl peered down at them, eyes reflecting the glowing fire, and hooted.
Genma hooted in return at it, then slugged back another gulp of beer. He sighed and leaned forward, head hanging between bent knees, giving Iruka's hands more room on his shoulders. "That feels soooooo good, 'Ruka," he said into the dirt. "I love you and want to have your babies."
Everyone laughed, then laughed harder when Raidou piped up with, "Careful! He's serious!"
Kakashi leaned back on his elbows, all long limbs and darkness in the flickering light, and watched. Iruka's hands were apparently magic, though he knew that himself. Muscles and tendons shifted, shadows growing and vanishing as strong fingers moved over Genma's back and shoulders, following lines of tension and pressing carefully on knots and nerve clusters.
"Oi! Iruka-hog!" Raidou finally called, standing unsteadily. "Share!"
"You already had him!" Genma yelled back. "It's still my turn!"
"Sake?" Asuma asked quietly.
Kakashi glanced up and smiled, content. "No, thank you."
"Hey, hey," Genma burbled. "You haven't had anything to drink, Kakashi. Want beer?"
"Wine?" Raidou offered.
"Pina colada?"
Everyone looked at Gai.
He smiled sloppily and took another sip, adjusting the little umbrella with precise care.
"No, thank you," Kakashi said again, a laugh in his voice. "I don't generally drink."
"This isn't generally," Genma slurred. "And once in a while won't hurt you."
"Besides," Raidou announced, managing to hold his head at a superior angle for just a moment, "it's a good way to say, 'I trust you all.'"
"I trust you to hold my hair back if I start barfing!" Genma shouted.
"Or at least to not let me sleep in it," Asuma said dryly.
Genma nodded solemnly. "It's a good way to say it, without all the sloppy, sappy stuff." He frowned and mouthed the last three words again.
"Do you trust us, my most esteemed rival?" Gai asked on a hiccup.
Kakashi looked at them all, slightly befuddled. Raidou and Genma had already moved on, swapping alcoholic drinks to see whose was better. Raidou carefully gave Iruka a taste of each so he could vote, too, without pausing in his massage. Most of it dribbled down Iruka's chin and into Genma's hair, but none of them seemed to mind too much. In fact, Genma thought it was hilarious.
Kakashi couldn't figure out how drinking was a matter of trust.
Asuma was grinning down at him. "Have a drink." He offered the sake bottle again.
Kakashi took it after another moment. "Shouldn't one of us be sober enough, in case--"
"Stop worrying. Have a drink." Asuma's eyes twinkled. "No one here's going to kill you in the middle of the night."
So that was how it was trust. Kakashi contemplated the bottle. Then, when no one was looking, he pulled down his mask and had a drink.
He nearly coughed it all back up, much to the hilarity of those present. "Thank you," he muttered good-naturedly.
"Remember that time we put stuff in Hayate's sake?" Raidou asked, sliding over to lean shoulder-to-shoulder against Genma.
"Oh, yeah. Like beer."
"And wine," Iruka laughed softly.
"And he spit it all over the fire," Genma continued, grinning and staring into the flames. "Only we'd forgotten to keep the fire going, so he managed to put it out . . ."
"And then it was dark, so we couldn?t get it started again," Raidou laughed.
"And Asuma and Genma ended up sleeping together--" Iruka said, tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes.
"Oh, that," Asuma groaned.
Kakashi looked at him, grinning.
"Genma gets horny when he's drunk," Asuma murmured.
"Cuddly!" Genma protested. Then he giggled, face rolling into Raidou's chest. "Horny, too," he muffled.
"And Hayate was so upset, because he thought he was going to get to sleep with Genma," Raidou cackled.
The three men, Iruka, Genma and Raidou, laughed uproariously for another moment, and then almost as suddenly went quiet.
A stillness came over the small clearing. A nightingale sang mournfully.
"To fallen teammates," Gai said softly, lifting his glass.
The others did as well, murmuring names into the dark, letting them hang and burn over the crackling fire.
Kakashi sipped sake, carefully this time, letting it spread heat into his stomach. He could feel the fumes in his nose, curling up through his sinuses as if he could breathe them back out again.
"I need a drink," Genma sighed.
Iruka patted his back like he would that of a dog he was particularly fond of. Raidou handed him wine.
"You stopped," Genma said, looking back over his shoulder.
"It's someone else's turn," Iruka answered.
Genma sighed and laid his face against Iruka's leg. "You sure?"
Iruka patted him on the head. Then he glanced up, catching Kakashi's eyes. He raised both eyebrows, as if asking a question.
Kakashi tried to think of what he might have missed. Then Asuma leaned down and whispered, "I think it's your turn."
Kakashi's eyebrows rose right back at Iruka.
Iruka laughed and tilted his head in a 'get over here' way.
"I think he needs to be told," Raidou stage-whispered.
"Kakashi, it's your turn!" Genma yelled.
He stood, and realized the ground was much farther away then he'd thought. He had to just wait a moment for it to stop falling farther.
"You really don't drink, do you?" Asuma said, laughing deep in his barrel chest.
"I'm just a bit dizzy," Kakashi defended. Then he carefully walked around the fire and plopped himself down in front of Iruka.
Iruka tugged at his shirt. "Take it off."
Buttons slipped through holes, and shortly Kakashi was as bare-chested as both Raidou and Genma. He sighed happily as warm hands rubbed carefully over his shoulders, fingers seeking out knots. "Are you still mad at me?" Kakashi asked quietly, while Genma and Raidou roughhoused alarmingly close to the fire.
Iruka sighed. "I suppose not."
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Kakashi murmured.
Iruka slid his fingers up along the back of Kakashi's neck, pressing gently and smoothing out tension. "I know. But try to be a little less of an ass, will you?"
Kakashi smiled behind his mask, folding his knees and settling his elbows on them. "All right."
"Asuma!" Genma shouted, somehow having ended up in Gai's lap. "We should shadow-dance!"
"Shadow-dance?" Kakashi asked.
"Genma, we're too drunk to play shadow-dance," Iruka said.
"So we'll all have the same disadvantage!"
Raidou, lying on the ground, lifted both fists and cheered. "Shadow-dancing!"
Kakashi felt Iruka's forehead fall against his silver hair. "Oh, dear. This could get weird."
**************************
Chapter Fourteen
Now
"Oh, shhh," Raidou whispered loudly, giggling against Genma's chest.
Kakashi clung desperately to his tree and thought, 'Act like a branch.'
"He's looking this way!" Iruka hissed.
Raidou buried his face against Genma. Kakashi could see the man's body still shaking with laughter.
The light from Asuma's lantern glittered through the trees.
"Crap! He's coming this way!" Iruka whispered, breath hot where he was crowding Kakashi in an effort to see.
Kakashi whipped around, dodging to the other side of the trunk, taking Iruka with him. He staggered and nearly fell, all his normal grace completely gone with the alcohol he was certain he'd peed out by now. Apparently, there was some left. A lot left. He grabbed for the tree, planting a hand on either side of Iruka's head and bracing himself.
Iruka was laughing silently, holding onto Kakahsi's waist. Kakashi suspected that if either of them let go, they'd both fall over.
Asuma's light swept over the trees; they barely remained in the shadows. Raidou yelped as Genma kicked him into the light and scrambled up, almost silently.
Luckily for him, Asuma was drunk, too, and didn't hear.
"Hi," Raidou said, squinting. He giggled.
Asuma snorted and handed him an extra lantern.
Raidou took it and sat down, waiting the few seconds the rest of them had to escape.
Kakashi grabbed Iruka and hauled him away through the forest. They were almost free when Gai appeared out of nowhere and beamed his lantern at them.
"Ha ha!" Gai bellowed. "Found you!"
Kakashi lifted a hand to shade his eyes, and realized he was still holding Iruka's arm.
The younger man was laughing quietly, leaning against his shoulder.
"Ah, the springtime of youth," Gai started on an oddly soft sigh.
Iruka laughed, and nearly pulled Kakashi over as he tipped. The Jounin staggered and grabbed hold of a tree branch. The world had never swirled so much--or so oddly pleasantly--before.
"Bedtime!" Genma announced, trouncing past them wearing only his boots and Asuma's big coat.
And just that suddenly, the game was over and everyone was heading back to the nearly dead fire and black tent-like shapes.
"Hmmm," Asuma said, weaving on his feet. "I didn't bring enough tents. Someone needs to share."
Kakashi saw Genma open his mouth to offer, and Asuma tromped on the Special Jounin's foot.
"Since you two already shared an apartment," Asuma said, turning toward Kakashi and Iruka and nearly continuing to swirl around, "do you mind sharing a tent?"
"Not at all!" Kakashi said brightly.
Iruka looked slightly befuddled, and muttered something polite.
**
They lay, each bundled in their own sleeping bags. Kakashi stared at the peak of the tent, where he could see the shadow of something crawling outside. Something small and bug-like.
"Do you miss her that much?" he asked the darkness.
Iruka turned to face him. "Miss who?"
Kakashi smiled behind his mask and watched the bug leap off their tent. It vanished. "Your mother."
"Of course."
They were quiet for a long time. Kakashi rolled over onto his side, keeping a few inches between his body and the younger man's. He could see the outline of Iruka's profile in the dark, but couldn't make out the scar. "What do you miss?"
Iruka smiled. His teeth were white, and his eyes were unfocused. Still half-drunk. "I miss her cookies."
"Cookies?" Kakashi laughed.
Iruka giggled in return, nodding dramatically. "They were so yummy." His grin faded to a soft smile. "And I miss the way she smelled."
Kakashi snorted softly. "How was that?"
Iruka rolled over and looked up at the other man sleepily. "Good."
The Chuunin was so close that Kakashi's eyes nearly crossed, trying to look at him. He felt warm all over. "Good?" he whispered.
Iruka nodded contentedly, eyelids drooping, hair tickling the other man's forehead. He was barely a blink away. When he spoke, his breath ghosted over Kakashi's throat. "You smell good. But not like her."
"I smell like campfire," Kakashi pointed out on a laugh.
Iruka grinned sloppily and shifted, coming the few inches closer.
Kakashi went perfectly still, feeling more than seeing Iruka squirm through his sleeping bag, until he had an arm free. He was laughing softly still, little drunken giggles that sent puffs of air to dance across Kakashi's neck. Then those careful fingers tugged the edge of his mask up--he stiffened, but they stopped far short of his chin.
He felt Iruka burrow closer. Heat curled over his neck, the little hairs prickling with the closeness of the other man. Still giggling, Iruka inhaled. Then the younger man flopped back, rolling away, and grinned up. "See? Good."
Kakashi swallowed and tried to gather thoughts that had left him entirely, apparently taking the rest of the alcohol in his bloodstream along for a good party.
"Oh," was all he could think of to say.
Iruka faced him once more, practically nose-to-nose. "She had brown eyes, like mine," he whispered solemnly.
Kakashi nodded, not sure what else he should do. Iruka's gaze was darting back and forth, and Kakashi realized he was focusing on each of his eyes in turn. First blue, then red, and back again. Iruka started squirming, and eventually got an arm up, a hand hovering slightly above them. There wasn't any room between them.
Kakashi waited, then quickly closed his eyes when he saw Iruka's hand lower. But the man, even drunk, was very careful.
Blind, Kakashi could feel the heat from Iruka's body. He swallowed, heard it through his bones, and felt skin gently touch his eyebrow. Fingers trailed up, following the long scar halfway up his forehead. Then, just as carefully, they ghosted down over his face, brushing along his eyelashes and hovering at the edge of his mask, tracing what had once been a gouge in Kakashi's face.
"Did that hurt?" Iruka asked.
Kakashi resisted the urge to open his eyes or pull away. His body was tingling, shivers trilling up and down his spine. He almost said no. Instead, he remembered the pain of the attack, and started to nod. But--he didn't want Iruka to move his hand. The man was still touching him, tracing the line of his cheekbone up and back, feathering over his skin. Kakashi wondered if he even realized he was doing it.
"Yes," he said. His voice was rough. He swallowed several times.
"It looks like it would hurt." Iruka's breath tickled his skin, across the mask. Fingers stuttered up the scar once more, brushed his eyelashes smooth, then up the arch of his eyebrow, pausing where the scar bisected it. "Your eyes aren't like my mother's at all," Iruka said solemnly.
Kakashi bit back a laugh. "No, probably not."
"Open your eyes?"
Kakashi did, carefully, half expecting a drunken index finger to poke him. But Iruka was very cautious.
And very close.
His brown eyes looked black in the dark. Pools of ink in his face.
"You have nice eyes," Iruka said, still so very somber.
Kakashi said nothing.
A thumb traced the scar again, just to his eyebrow, then Iruka's hand wrapped around the back of Kakashi's head and tugged.
Kakashi moved closer and down, not sure what to expect.
Iruka shuffled, moved in and up, and very, very carefully, breathed a kiss across the scar. "I'm sorry it hurt," he said. Then he flopped over onto his back, arm thrown away. "Night."
Kakashi waited a beat. Iruka's breathing evened out, and just like that the man was asleep.
Slowly, Kakashi rolled onto his back. He stared up at the peak of the tent, heart hammering.
He stayed awake for a very long time.
**
Long ago . . .
That stupid, arrogant, conceited, boorish, ill-mannered--
Rin got to Kakashi's doorway and didn't bother knocking. How dare he say something like that to her, in front of her parents? She was going to kill him. She kicked in his door.
It was probably only that that kept him from driving the blade in. She could see the bathroom mirror from her angle, could see the kunai he'd placed carefully at the Sharingan, could see blood--
Rin acted before she thought. She pulled out two kunai and threw them.
The glass in the mirror shattered. The blades ricocheted, the blunt ends spinning around and smashing into Kakashi.
She heard him drop, but nothing else. "Kakashi!" Rin shouted, bolting into the tiny apartment. She tore around the corner, one hand on the doorjamb to whip her body around faster.
Kakashi was slumped on the bathroom floor, his head bleeding, his eye bleeding.
"Kakashi," Rin said again, dropping to her knees and holding her hands above his torso, feeling his chakra. Drugged. She could sense it, making his energy move sluggishly. It was that, she suspected, that had slowed his reactions enough to let the kunai hit.
Rin grabbed under his arms and pulled hard, laying him out on the floor of the main room, then she knelt again, taking deep breaths and focusing.
The damage to the eye could have been severe if left for very long. She fixed that first, reattaching nerve endings and veins and tissue. Then she checked his head, where she'd gotten him. Nothing major there. She considered cleaning out the drug but--well, maybe that was what affected his actions. Maybe he was under a jutsus and would fight her when he woke.
As quickly as she could, she found some rope--old sheets that she tore, but good enough--and bound him to his futon. She laced it between his fingers so he couldn?Äôt move them, and stretched him tight so there wasn't any play in his limbs.
He was better at this than she was. He was a Jounin and she was only a Chuunin. She was taking no chances.
Before she woke him she walked back to the bathroom.
A pot of water, still steaming, sat on the counter. Several kunai rested on the edge. Their handles had been wrapped in cloth, and the blades themselves were hot. There was a paper seal--a fire one. She remembered seeing Kakashi use it once to cauterize a wound. And there was a half-empty bottle of pills. Rin frowned, picking them up and examining the label.
Pain killers. Incredibly high potency. She even recognized the name of the medical ninja who'd prescribed them.
Still holding the bottle, she walked back into the main room. She hadn't known he was taking these. She dropped to her knees beside the futon and felt for his chakra.
This was the disturbance. She was certain of it. She pulled the eyelid of his normal eye up, checking his pupils. They were dilated far past normal. His eyes were bloodshot, and the skin around them puffy. He looked like--
No. But he looked like--like he'd been crying. Kakashi didn't cry.
Rin took a deep breath, settling herself, and began to clear the drugs out of his system.
Twenty minutes later, he woke. He was too good a ninja to struggle immediately, so he lay very still for several seconds. So still Rin wasn't entirely certain he was conscious.
"Kakashi?" she asked.
His eyes snapped open, then closed again with a shudder. He tried to bring his hands down and discovered he'd been tied. His eyes opened again, and this time Rin saw fear, though only for a moment, before he got his face under control. He looked at her, and she could see muscles flexing subtly across his shoulders; testing the bonds.
Rin put a hand on his chest, and pretended like she didn't see him flinch. "Kakashi, I came in and you were--you had a kunai to your eye. I tied you down to make sure you weren't going to attack me when you woke. I had to be certain you weren't under a jutsus."
"I'm not," he croaked.
Rin didn't untie him. "What were you doing?"
"Let me up."
"In a minute," Rin said calmly. He was pulling harder now. He was going to have bruises. "What were you doing?"
"You don't understand," he said in a near-whisper.
"I know," Rin agreed. "So tell me. What were you doing?"
Kakashi closed his eyes, clenched them until his eyebrows drew down. "Obito hates me."
"Obito--" panic flooded her. She pushed it down. Dear lord, don't let him be gone. Don't let Kakashi have lost his mind. "Kakashi," she said calmly. "Obito's dead."
"I know that!" Kakashi yelled, then started to shake, his breath hitching in his chest. "Rin . . . it hurts."
Her chakra flickered out again, along his. "What hurts?"
"Obito's eye. It hurts. I can't--I can't sleep and the pills they don't . . . they're not . . . Get it out!" His eyes opened reflexively, and he bit back a shout and closed them again. His body was as taut as a wire, so tight he looked like his muscles could shatter his bones.
Rin tried to ignore that. She moved to his head, hands hovering around his eyes. "I don't feel anything . . ."
"I know that!" Kakashi yelled again. His breath really was hitching now, coming in gasps and starts. "I've been to the medics and they say--they say--there's nothing wrong. They can't fix it. It's in my head," the last he said on a near-hysterical laugh, and then closed his mouth on the rest with a snap. His next words were quiet again. "But it hurts. And it's only getting worse. Obito hates me."
"Obito gave this to you," Rin said, still searching. There--a flux in his chakra. Something working harder than it should. Not near the eye; near the back of his brain. And his paths were worn; raw and angry and incredibly painful. She'd seen it from people who constantly channeled too much chakra. The pills suddenly made sense.
"How long has it been hurting?" she asked.
He was still trembling. "Always. It gets worse when I use the Sharingan. It's getting constantly worse the last weeks. The medical ninja said not to use it."
Chakra depletion. Sharingan eyes used chakra to see patterns, copy moves, and so on.
"Kakashi," Rin asked softly. "Do you trust me?"
He swallowed, then nodded.
"Keep your eyes closed." She reached over, untying his hands, then took one of the sheet pieces and tied it around his eyes. "Keep this on, all right?"
Kakashi nodded. He was still shaking.
Rin untied his feet, then threw a blanket over him. "And sleep. How long has it been since you slept?"
"Three days," he whispered.
Rin cringed. "Because it hurts?"
He nodded, curled on his side, blindfolded.
"All right." Rin sat down on the edge of the futon, mostly so he would know where she was. "Obito doesn't hate you. But you don't have Uchiha blood. I think--well, you can't turn it off, can you?"
He shook his head.
"I think it's burning out your chakra pathways. I think your body's straining to understand the information the Sharingan is giving you. I have to double check some things, but . . . well, I think if you just keep your eyes closed . . ." It seemed so simple, and it seemed so obvious that this would happen. They should have caught it earlier.
"Okay," Kakashi whispered. Just like that. Agreeing to be blind for the foreseeable future.
He had to be in pain.
"You were going to cut it out?" Rin asked softly. Her stomach turned.
"I didn't know what else to do."
"Get help, idiot!" she shouted.
Kakashi flinched. "The medic said it couldn't be helped . . ."
Rin was going to find that ninja and kill him. Slowly. She kicked herself for not seeing the signs, but . . . well, with Sensei dead she'd been spending more time at the hospital and less time with Kakashi.
Rin brushed Kakashi's hair away from his forehead, ignoring when he pulled back slightly. "I'm going to talk to some people. But I think just keeping it closed will help. Just to let your body rest. At least for now."
Kakashi only nodded.
**
Now
Kakashi sat over the tiny morning fire, cradling a mug of tea and wishing the birds would just shut up. His head was pounding. He'd drawn his forehead protector back down over his eye, but even that wasn't enough. And to make matters worse, he'd dreamt about Obito all night long.
Iruka staggered out of their shared tent, made it as far as a bush, and vomited. Kakashi wished he would please vomit just a little bit quieter.
Raidou whimpered and clutched his stomach. Genma just patted the head that was in his lap, smoothing a finger over the shiny, pulled scars across the other man's nose.
Even Asuma was quiet, a rag soaked in the stream laid over his head.
Iruka staggered closer, settling himself gingerly on the log next to Kakashi. "Who thought that was a good idea?" he practically whispered, taking deep breaths through his mouth.
"GOOD MORNING, FELLOW SHINOBI!" Gai bellowed.
Iruka went pale and lurched up, making for the bush again.
"Gai!" Raidou shouted, then clutched his head and whined, "make it stop . . ."
Genma threw a kunai at Gai.
"Why the long faces this morning?" Gai asked, ducking. "It's a beautiful day! The birds are singing, the land is fresh, the sun is up!"
"How can you have had all those drinks," Asuma groaned, "and not feel it?"
"A strong constitution!" Gai announced, chest out and fists on hips. The light, which hadn't quite made it through the trees all morning, suddenly shot through several branches and glinted off his teeth.
"I'm going to bash your strong constitution right up your backside," Genma growled.
"Gai, why don't you find us something to eat?" Kakashi suggested mildly, carefully balancing his head on the end of his neck. He'd never realized how long and wobbly necks were before.
"I shall do just that!" Gai announced, heading back out. He was still talking, but no one paid attention.
"Somehow," Iruka whined, "I always forget this part of camping."
Asuma only grunted.
**************************
