I DIDNT NOTICE THAT
WHO THE HELL? WHAT THE FUCK?
Deep breaths Kuma. Don't go all Huntsman on us.
To be fair, you're the only one who's done anything thus far. To be more fair, your character ideas have been good and you've been a descent writer, and we'd probably vote for you even if anybody else was active.
It was the end of summer, and it was yet again time for the Vice Awards. This time, the awards committee decided to host the ceremony inside of a large luxury cruise liner that towered over the ocean it floated over. Inside the main theatre of the ship, some of the more prominent members of the Hidden World community had received invites to attend the event free of charge. Upon entering the grand hall, everyone was greeted with a long row of seats filled with attendees, as well as a second level for extra seating.
The various attendees were, as stated, members of the Hidden World, and had each taken a seat with their fellow peers. In the middle section, Kelly and Matt were hanging out with Luna and a few other people, talking about something to do with melons and lemons. It all sounded rather odd, especially when they started talking about kittens. Arthur was sitting nearby holding a sleeping Hazel in his arms while chatting to Loveline. In the back of the room, a former street thug wearing a pink suit was standing next to Sid Renen, watching a strange man chatting up Chase at the bar. The strange man then began to grow tentacles out of his body, and started to annoyingly poke the people next to him. One rather large man at the bar didn’t take kindly to this annoyance, and Slayer smashed a stool against the offender’s head. Surprisingly, the man shifted around the stool and grinned at Slayer, remembering him. “Oh hey! You remember me right, big guy?” Do you have any class, idiot? “Shut it. I got invited to this, not you. Hey, big guy!” And with that, Huntsman turns his full attention to Slayer, much to Chase’s delight as he bought another glass of whiskey.
Up on the second level, a hooded figure leaned against the railing, waiting patiently for the show to start. He had recently hosted the awards himself, but that might be too grand a word for shouting out one award that was a lie. On the other side of the room on the second level, he briefly looks at a man in a black suit sitting in an expensive-looking chair. Just where had he seen his man before…? His train of thought was broken once a pissed off young martial artist began brawling with the people around him, yelling more curses than a thousand sailors.
Finally, the red curtain began to rise, revealing a set of 3 couches arranged in a half circle pattern, facing the audience. Stepping out of stage left, a familiar pink-haired woman wearing high heels steps up to the podium. The woman wore a stunning maroon dress that went all the way down to her ankles. “Ladies and gentlemen…welcome to the August Vice Awards!” She shouts, a loud rock track sounding through the speakers to signal the start of the ceremony. “In case you’re just joining us, my name is Haruko Miyata. It’s great to be back, everyone! Of course, we couldn’t do this show without a certain other person. Please, give it up for my writer, Vapovile!”
Out of the right side of the room, a brown-haired male wearing a full suit and tie walks out onto the stage, waving to the crowd as he takes a seat on the far right couch. “Thanks Haruko! I gotta say, I love the new location. It’s like the old one, but on a cruise ship!” Vapo remarks, slightly more comfortable with the crowd this time. Haruko looks back at him with a smile of professionalism. “That’s right! Though I have to ask, how on Earth did we aff-“ “You can thank us for that!”
Suddenly, a set of double doors behind the curtain swing open and shine a bright light into the relatively dark auditorium. Out of the bright light came four figures; a tall woman with bright blond hair and an aura of authority to her, a scary-looking man in his 20s wearing a black suit, a red-headed girl wearing a sparkly dark blue dress, and a younger blond-haired girl wearing a much simpler green dress, but seemed to be tugging on it slightly in annoyance. Haruko looked in utter disbelief at the four people in front of her. “We bought this cruise ship years ago, and use it for our vacations. Nice to see you again, Haruko.” The tall blond-haired lady said, as they began making their way on stage and sitting down on the couches. Haruko glared at Aria, then turned to Vapo. “Why…are THEY here?!” She asks with a whisper. “They’re here because they wanted to be in the awards, which I agree with.” Vapo responds.
The red-head of the group, Erin, steps up to the two of them and gives a friendly smile. “Hey, Haruko! Sorry for the lack of notice, but you are kinda on our ship now. So for this one non-canon post, can’t you just…let it go?” She half-sung that last part, trying to get a laugh. “…fine. But you’re sitting with me Erin.” And with that, Haruko, Erin and Vapo sit on the far right couch, Alex and Aria sit in the middle one, and Elyssa had pulled Rachel out of the crowd to sit next to her on the left one. “Now…without further ado…let’s start the show!” Haruko exclaims, bringing out a stack of envelopes.
Haruko: “As always, we start with the best hero! Who was the most lawful, heroic and all around great person to be around this month?”
Vapo: “Tied for third place is Callis, Crown and SamJaz."
Aria: "Sam's a hero? Since when, after he stopped being a tyrant on Exalt?"
Vapo: “Well alrighty then. Hey Erin, mind finishing up the category?”
Erin: “Sure! In second place is everyone’s favorite gunslinger, Crow!”
Elyssa: “Just what makes Crow so great anyway? Everyone should be voting for me, the genius Elyssa Miyata! Not some electric cowboy.”
Haruko: “You’re fourteen, Elyssa. Maybe if you actually do something heroic?
Elyssa: “Just you wait. Anyway, best hero goes to Haruko!”
Haruko: “Me? Why, thanks you everyone!”
Aria: “…I’ll take the next category.”
Aria: “…I’ve changed my mind. Alex, you’re up.”
Alex: “Hmph. I suppose so. Clear victory for this category. Tied for second place is Gen, Luna, Artemis, Falken and Haruko.”
Erin: “Falken is so cool, but we hardly see any of him these days. He’s almost as absent as you Seto.”
From the control booth, a male voice rings through the theatre.
Seto: “Well excuuuuuuuse me, princess! I only have an entire division to run and a massive database to protect. Wanna trade jobs, sis?”
Aria: “Before you even speak, I am going to say no. We’d be infiltrated in a matter of seconds with klutz over here as captain.”
Erin: “Wow, thanks for being a killjoy Aria. Who’s the best neutral, anyway?”
Alex: “Of course it’s Huntsman. Did you expect anyone else?”
There was a loud cheer in the middle of the crowd once Huntsman’s name was said.
Erin: “The guy with less social skills than Gen? What the heck is wrong with you guys?”
Aria: “It’s your fault for hanging around him at the melon festival. Huntsman can be entertaining…just keep him away from me.”
Vapo: “Best villain! Who was the best evil bastard of the month, ready to kick a puppy at a moment’s notice? Erin, you’re up!”
Erin: “Me? Alright, in second place we have Altair of Creed! Seriously, Altair? He seems like a really nice guy."
Vapo: “I do agree that Altair was definitely more heroic this month than anything. Read Faul Johann if you don’t know what I am talking about. What, you thought I was going to give out spoilers? Just who do you all take me for?”
Erin: “If you say so. By a wide margin, the winner this month is Kuro-san!”
Aria: “Ah yes, the man who hijacked our meeting between the organizations. I can agree with that choice.
Haruko: “Good to know. Next!”
Haruko: “Best fight of the month. Just which battle was the most visceral, tactical or downright interesting? Let’s find out. In third place we have both Gen’s Rescue Squad…wait we call ourselves that? Kinda cheesy guys. Anyway, both Gen’s Rescue Squad vs Taka and Washi in Osaka Ablaze, and SamJaz vs the Swallower in both Melon and Lemon Lord.”
Erin: “That first fight at the melon festival was kind of one-sided, but the second one was great! Who’s next?”
Haruko: “In second place we have the heroes vs Cavaler in Night at the Castle. Ya know…that castle was really creepy. I couldn’t sense that Cavaler guy at all.”
Elyssa: “If I was there, I would have faced that creep down by myself! No need to run away like that succubus, ninja, and you did, sis.”
Haruko: “Sometimes it’s better to go around the issue rather than through it. Anyway, the winner for best fight goes to the DK match between Warden and Altair!”
Vapo: “Awesome fight indeed. Warden got destroyed near the end though…but they both played well. I guess Warden couldn’t…” Vapo puts on a pair of sunglasses. “…handle the heat.”
The entire audience goes silent, with Aria and Haruko looking at their creator disappointedly while Erin tried to contain a laugh.
Vapo: “Same as last time…my turn.”
Vapo: “Now we move onto the broiest of the bromances. And no, this isn’t the unofficial yaoi award, so put away that pen Erin.”
Erin: “I…uh…have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Aria: “You should see her computer. It’s quite interesting what she looks at.”
Erin: “MOVING ON! First off we have Haruko and Arthur with one vote. Sorry sis. Next up we have Ciel and Elliott with one vote as well.”
Elyssa: “Are you sure that’s still a bromance at this point? They do some pretty questionable stuff together.”
Erin: “I’m just reading off the votes, okay? And the award goes to Arthur and Sid for everything they did in Faul Johann. Congratulations."
Elyssa: “This one is mine! Let’s see…we have Gen vs everyone, Huntsman vs Swallower, and…me vs Rachel’s new sisters? Who the heck voted for that?! That would imply there is a competition between us, which a genius like myself doesn’t consider them to be.”
Rachel: “Um…you seemed pretty annoyed when we first met Olivia and Julia…”
Elyssa: “That was just me making sure they weren’t random people trying to get your money! You honestly think I’d be…jealous of them? Cuz I’m not!”
Rachel: “If you say so…the winner is SamJaz vs Swallower…I thought it was pretty cool…”
Elyssa: “Hehe…you’re not swallowing any worlds now, are ya? Now if only your host wasn’t so freaking full of himself, I could agree with this more.”
Aria: “You’re saying someone else is full of themselves?”
Elyssa: “I’m rightly a genius, and can express it however I want! You’re all just jealous of me!”
Haruko: “Welp she’s all fired up now. Time to move on.”
Elyssa: “I’ll be taking this one, since there is nobody here who is more awesome than myself. Opening up the piece of paper…are you kidding me?! Five different nominations with one vote each?! Rachel, help me out here!”
Rachel: “O-oh kay…we have Dan kicking a building onto Washi, Alvin being smart against Taka, the overkill on Taka and Washi…there are a lot of Osaka Ablaze moments here…”
Elyssa: “I know. Next we have SamJaz vs Swallower yet again, and finally Kuro-san crashing the big important meeting.”
Vapo: “You know…I can still vote for th-“
Elyssa: “Silence! You’re voting for Kuro-san crashing the meeting. That moment needs more recognition, I command it!”
Vapo: “But it’s my vo-“
Elyssa: “It’s been decided! Kuro-san had the most awesome moment this month!”
Suddenly, a small portal opens up above the couches and a young-looking girl with long white hair floats casually over to Aria and Alex. She wore a long white lab coat over her normal attire, obviously not dressed for the formal occasion.
Aria: “…what do you want, Iris? We’re in the middle of a show, and you know how I feel about being interrupted.”
Iris simply gave her signature blank stare accompanied by a polite smile.
Iris: “I couldn’t help but notice you all were doing something fun without me, president. Mind if I hang around?”
Aria: “…I’ll allow it. Give out the next award before I change my mind, Iris.”
Iris: “Thanks!” Iris continued to float in the air slightly above the ground, opening up the envelope. “First off, we have Alicia Weston dropping her magazine and being made fun of by the female students. How fun. Next up is Cavaler easily finding Arsenal in Orasul Sange. Hey, he’s not subtle like you, Erin-chan!”
Erin: “He’s just a loud sentai hero wannabe. I’m just the most unlucky girl on the planet.”
Iris: “Aw…but we still keep you around Erin-chan. Just stay away from my lab, or I might have to dissect you.”
Everyone but Alex: “What?”
Iris: “I mean…we wouldn’t be happy about that. And what do you know, we have a tie for first place. Both the entirety of Melon Lord and Crow making fun of Haruko’s breasts win the award. How delightful.”
Haruko: “Seriously? I can’t believe you guys, or Crow. I have bigger boobs than Iris and Elyssa!”
Erin: “…Haruko, Iris is physically 11, and Elyssa is 14. That doesn’t prove much.”
Haruko: “Oh, thanks for backing me up Erin. Maybe next time I won’t help you out when a melon cat steals your bikini.”
Elyssa: “That happened?! Oh, I am never letting you live that down, Erin.”
Alex: “I’m obligated to do at least a few categories. Disappointingly, we only got two votes for this category. Both of them for Tobias Adler after his wife was killed in Faul Johann. Makes my life easier I guess.”
Erin: “Two votes?! Come on guys, step up your games!”
Vapo: “Hey, I was one of those two. But I just kinda voted for the one that was voted on by the mysterious other voter…let’s move on.”
Vapo: “I’ll let you guys take a break. Who had the best line this month, one that would be worthy of putting in one of those quote books? Let’s find out! First up we have…”
Seto (over the loudspeaker): "Gen was captured...? Who on Earth could he have pissed off this time?"—Haruko.”
Vapo: “Seto? What the hell are you doing?”
Seto: “Just participating a little, boss. It gets boring up here in the control booth.”
Vapo: “Good to hear. Secondly we have…”
Seto: “I do care, in fact his… ‘SWORD HAND’ allowed me to find you faster, so I thank you. – Cavaler”
Elyssa: “Idiots…but that Cavaler guy knew what to say to that loud sword dude.”
Vapo: “Just keep rolling with it Seto.”
Seto: “On it. THE NEXT LINE IS…
You... clothing. Off, now. Gimmie. Can't... melons… – Huntsman.”
Iris: “Oh my. I thought maybe Huntsman was trying to be a pedophile. Not many people know I am a lot older, ya know?”
Erin: “Iris…you’re like an anti-trap.”
Iris: “Not sure what you mean, Erin-chan. I am easily over ten times older than you.”
Vapo: “Please…just move on Seto before this gets weird.”
Seto. “Too late. The winning line and my personal favorite is…
They explode! Now my life has a new meaning. Falken.”
Haruko: “Good old Falken. That guy needs to give me the number of his writer.”
Vapo: “What, am I not good enough or something? You could bear-ly handle his writer’s main character.”
The audience goes silent once more.
Vapo: “Oh, come on! That was funny!”
Aria: “I can’t stand watching this pitiful display. I’m taking control.”
Aria: “Best couple. Who are the audience’s favorite legitimate couples? Listen and find out. First off are Crow and Toni. Wait…they aren’t even a couple yet…disqualified.”
“Next up is Huntsman and Eve…yet another couple that hasn’t happened yet. Disqualified as well.”
“The third nomination is Crown and Ha-no. Disqualified on the basis of having too much sex. Seriously, it seems like half the stuff those two do is have sex. Disqualified."
Vapo: “Uh…Aria…you can’t just disqualify everyone…”
Aria: “Don’t worry, all three of those nominees only had one vote, so they wouldn’t have won anyway. No…the true winners are Tobias and Hannah Adler from Faul Johann. Such a tragic event.”
Haruko: “Aw…that’s nice. Poor Tobias.”
Vapo: “Yep. Congratulations man! Hope life gets back to normal.”
Haruko: “This category is mine. Welcome back to the Vice’s best ships! How fitting that we are doing the awards on a ship. Anyway, everyone, pay attention to the screen!”
Above the couches, a large screen turns on and displays the nominees as they are announced, as well as a picture of them.
“Nominee number one is…George and Luna! Wow, that’s been nominated quite a bit these past few months. Kinda hard when Luna’s dating Sam, but alright. The name for this ship would be Geona or Georgena.
Nominee number two is Alicia Weston and Crow! Heh, I feel like that would be a rather one-sided relationship with the affection. I guess the name would be…Cralicia? Alicrow? Why must these never fit properly?
Nominee number three is Huntsman and Chase! Then Hitomi and Marika! …wait a minute, that last one would be terrifying. Marika would make Yancy look sane by comparison. I dub these two ships Huntsmase and Maritomi.
Next up we have…Toni and Crow, followed by me and Hal? Uh…Hal’s a nice guy…but can’t sit still at all. So that ship probably will never happen. Crow and Toni will most likely happen soon though. I dub these Croni and Halruko. That looks about it…”
Erin: “What’s that piece of paper in your pocket, sis?”
Haruko: “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
Aria: “It’s obviously another ship she doesn’t want us to see. Iris?”
Just then, Iris floats behind Haruko and takes the piece of paper out of her back pocket.
Iris: “Haruko and Crow? Harucrow?”
Haruko: “Yes yes, apparently people are still into that ship with Zappy and I. Did any of you even see our argument in that castle? Does that look like romance to you?!”
Erin: “Well, here’s a question. Who would you rather go out with if you were forced to, Crow or Hitomi?”
Haruko pauses for a moment, then snaps to attention.
Haruko: “…well…of course I’d choose the guy. I don’t swing the other way, Erin.”
Erin: “Ah. What if it were between Gen and Hitomi?”
Haruko: “I’d start playing for the other team. Anyway, the winner is apparently a tie between Chase and Huntsman, and Crow and myself. Next category please.”
Suddenly, the stack of envelopes is snatched out of Vapo’s hands by a whip, which retracts back into Elyssa’s hands.
Elyssa: “There hasn’t been enough of me! So I will now be taking over, so sit down and watch in awe.
The nominees for best story are; Moonlit Revival and Faul Johann with one vote each, A Night at the Castle with two votes, and finally So Long And Thanks For All The Steak wins the prize with three votes. A fitting topic, if I do say so myself. Nothing like hearing about the end of the world to ratchet up the stakes, eh audience?”
Rachel: “That was rather quick…”
Elyssa: “That’s the idea. If I don’t speed this up, the ceremony will never get done. You are already four days late posting this, oh mighty creator.” Elyssa mocks, glaring at Vapo.
Vapo: “Well excuse me for being over ambitious! But for real, sorry for delaying this guys. I hope you all like what I came up with though!”
Aria: “What you came up with? This was all planned by the HWIC and myself. You’re just here for the sake of tradition, you lazy ass.”
Vapo: “…why don’t you just slap me in the face while you’re at it?”
Aria: “That can be arranged.” She says, beginning to get up from her couch.
Vapo: “I was just kidding! Jeez, don’t be so literal.”
Aria: “You’re the one who controls my actions. So why don’t you stop with the self-deprecation and finish the awards so we can all enjoy the cruise again?”
Vapo: “…good point. Onward!”
Elyssa: “Nominees for the best location are right here! These first few all have one vote, so I am going to save my beautiful voice and not repeat myself. Osaka, Orasul Sange, and the Imperial Embassy.
As for the winner, we have a three way tie! Come on, what is this, the everybody wins club?! Regardless, the winners are Coyote Creek, Nassau and Jujce. Here Rachel, you take the next category.”
Rachel: “O-ok then…”
Rachel: “The best NPC highlights the lesser used characters…not used frequently like Haruko or Arthur…”
Elyssa: “Yeah yeah, just get on with it.”
Rachel: “The n-nominees are Doctor Kago, Tobias Adler, Eve, and K4. We didn’t get as many votes for this…but Eve wins out with one vote more than the rest. Congratulations…Elyssa…could you take over again?”
Vapo: “I’LL take it from here. Thank you very much.”
Vapo: “Like the heroes, these villains are not used as frequently, like Jardsam or Taylor. The nominees with one vote include; Aoki Minato, Faul Johann(you really expected me to spoil that here?), and the bloodspawn.
With two votes, we have Tesla from Identity Theft. Crazy guy right there.
And the two winners are second main villain in Faul Johann. The one that wasn’t discovered until recently. Really trying not to spoil the topic guys. And the second winner is Cavaler from A Night at the Castle! Congratulations for standing out, all of you evil bastards!”
Elyssa: “HOLD IT! Before we move onto the creepy meta awards, we have audience awards! Haruko, you’re up!”
Haruko: “I don’t take orders from fourteen-year-olds, but yes, we have personal awards to give out. Here they are;
Best story moment goes to Kuro-san completely derailing the Steak meeting.
Gen Favorite Attack of the Month came written by seemingly Gen himself, so let me try to read this like him. Ahem.
I liked when the fucker in the pink git brought the house down on that fuckin' magentic skank back in Osaka....fuckin' pricelsss.
…I think I just lost some brain cells talking like that. But yes, great attack Dan.
The Shyamalan What-A-Tweeeest Award foes to Kuma, for the arrival of Kuro-San in Steak. Hey, another person who liked that moment! High five mysterious voter!
And finally, I am going to read this word for word for the full effect.
Lobos's Thank You Award: To Everyone for helping me and trying to cheer me up doing my recent hard times. Thank You All So Much.”
Erin: “Aw…that last award is so nice…”
Vapo: “I know, right? Hope things cheer up for you man. That about does it for the personal awards, so I want Aria, Erin and Elyssa to do the last three awards.”
Aria, Erin and Elyssa: “Right!”
Erin: I’ll take the first one. The runners up for best writer are Lobos and SamJaz. Great try guys! However, the winners are actually three! So give it up for Justalittlegirl, Kuma and Vapovile!”
Vapo: “Thanks for the votes everyone! Congratulations to JLG and Kuma as well.”
Elyssa: “I was going to take the last award, but Aria just told me and I quote, if you try to take that spot I will sell all your treasure. So I guess my genius self is taking this one.
In the third spot we have both Lobos and Kuma. Better luck next time!
In second place, we have Waybig and Vapovile. Hah, even with my help you couldn’t win this one Vapo. Speed up your freaking writing!
And finally, the winner for best player is…Justalittlegirl! Man, what a misleading username. A guy saying he is just a little girl! Is his name Chris Hansen or something?! It’s a trap, I say!”
Aria: “Calm down already. He must have made that username in reference to Ariana, his character that is indeed just a little girl.”
Elyssa: “Oh, that makes a lot more sense. Wait, why doesn’t your username reference any of us Vapo?! Why aren’t you called ‘Tailor_From_America’ or better yet, JustAnAceDetective? We need more of me around here.”
Vapo: “I migrated over here from other sections of the site, and none of you guys have anything to do with vile water or whatever goes with my username. Aria, could you wrap this up please?”
Aria: “Gladly. The overall best Vicer has strong skills in all aspects of the section; from simply playing a character to creating grand storylines, this embodies it all. Now, without further ado…
Fehafare, Waybig, SamJaz and Lobos each take the runner up slot. Great work this month to each of you!
Taking the top prize, we have three people. So give it up for Kuma_From_Argentina, Vapovile and Justalittlegirl! On behalf of the HWIC, congratulations to all of you!”
Everyone gets out of their seats, and stands shoulder to shoulder across the front of the stage as the audience applauded. Each of them then takes a bow and quickly begin to file out of the theatre. Alex opens a portal to the top floor, which he, Iris and Aria take immediately. Elyssa fires her grappling gun at the second level, and hoists both herself and Rachel up to that level.
Left with only Erin, Haruko and Vapo, Haruko takes the microphone. “Thanks for letting us host again, everyone! It was surprisingly pleasant for the most part doing this with all these guys. I am still selling merchandise for this awards show as well, so stop by my booth right outside! Get these limited edition items while they last!”
And with that, Haruko rushes backstage to get ready for the mob of customers.
Vapo: “And there they go. Mind wrapping this up Seto?”
Seto: “You got it, bossman.”
A catchy rock track plays through the speakers as the curtain closes on Vapo and Erin. Both of them give one last wave before disappearing behind the curtain. However, just before they disappeared backstage, the audience could vaguely hear one last thing.
Vapo: “Erin…are you wearing heels?!”
Erin: “Of course I aaaaaaaaah!” A loud crashing noise could be heard through the curtain. Well, hopefully next time there wouldn’t be any stairs.