Haseo Yashimora (redo)

Topic started by haseo_yashimora on Jan. 17, 2012. Last post by haseo_yashimora 1 year, 2 months ago.
Post by haseo_yashimora (5,507 posts) See mini bio Level 14

"Assaulted by the pain of my sins, I continue forward. Not for Justice, and not for Destiny, but for Tomorrow." - Sakara.

Name: Sakara

Age: Unknown(looks 23)

Gender: Male

Eyes: red and yellow

Date of Birth: Unknown

Nationality: Caucasian

Faction: Good

Affiliation: Married

Height: 5'11"

Weight: 165 lb

Specialty: swordsmen, Alien

Aliases: Haseo Yashimora

Place of Birth: Planet Ishtar

Race: Zavrakk'ii (alien)

Family: Ayana(wife), Lia(daughter)

Faction: Good

Affiliation: Alliance Federation Of Planets (AFOP) Kazi(prier leader) SWORD(leader)

Theme song

Personality

Haseo has a lot of charisma and he is a great strategist, able to create very complex plans that are able to predict people actions. He takes the members deaths of SWORD 2 years ago very seriously and thinks very little of himself, like Lia. But due to his manipulative nature, it is hard to question if it was the truth or a ploy to get Kita killed and gekido annihilated.

(under construction)

Appearance

Haseo has white/gray hair, being that hes so old even though his appearance makes him look like a 20 year old forever due to infinite youth and being an immortal being. Haseo is humanoid in appearance, but is nothing like a human besides the body(including sexual features). Haseo has red and yellow eyes and his eyes are in a star shape. Haseo is Caucasian and has a large alien- like tattoo that covers his back.

Powers

Gravedad: Haseo has the ability to telekinetically move and levitate his trademark weapons exclusively, with the use of magnetically-charged gloves.

Zaprialli: Zaprialli is a mutant ability that steals the powers or abilities of a user, for a very short period of time. Since this ability physically exerts too much energy, Haseo will need to rest before using it again. Because of this, the hero prefers to use Zaprialli as a last resort.

Abilities

Fast-Forward: Built like a cheetah, Haseo's superior physique allows him to sprint up to 100 Miles Per Hours. However, there is a catch. If he abuses his body to the maximum, the results will be costing. Haseo could seriously tear a vital ligament. Worst cause scenario is dying from a seizure or a heart attack, which is why he must take short bursts.

Enhanced Regeneration: Haseo can heal rapidly from any physical injury; the rate of recovery is twice as fast as the normal human. Wounds heal in a matter of minutes. Severed or missing body parts may be replicated in a matter of hours, with the proper rest. However, if Haseo suffers mortal wounds too grave to heal with time, he may die.

Haseo's History(AV version not my book) CH.1

In another universe Sakara was just a teenager in a sense, he is a Zavrakk'ii translated means “Creator”. On a small planet orbiting a gas giant. One day as Sakara was with his father, ships from space came and started to destroy everything, killing everyone! Sakara's father sacrificing himself to save Sakara and Sakara's brother Zane, he sends to a “blank universe”, in a sense a universe that's not been created yet, so an infinite space of black nothingness. Sakara having the ability and knowledge to make a universe sets off a big bang, and, well you know the rest,”evolution”. The next 7 million years Sakara and Zane watched over there universe as it formed, then Sakara took in trust in a race that began to be highly advance at such an alarming rate for it being so young, so Sakara watched them for a few thousand years seeing them build and expand into space.

Sakara took so much intrust in this race now known as the Maggnorions he decided to become one of them to experience there lives and what they live through there prospective. On the Maggnorion home world called Zenitaia, Sakara transported himself to the farmlands on Zenitaia where some how he did something wrong, instead of his appearing as a teen, he was a child looks the age of 14! Sakara now confused what happened, Zane reminded him about his new name and alibi to tell people and he was restricted of 80% of his powers(now can only use whats in bio). Sakara, now known as Haseo Yashimora, witched he preferred more then his real name, set out into the city on foot. As he reached the city of Magnoliess, Haseo ran into the local law enforcement that wanted to question him(he looked none Maggnorion and no other life was found by the Maggnorions yet), so Haseo complied and went with them in a large police hover car to there station deeper into the multi- layered city. Upon arriving at the station Haseo saw just how extensive the city was and how big.

When they got to the station and brang him inside, they asked him a lot of questions, Haseo gave them his alibi, “my spaceship was heavily damaged, so I went into the escape pod and landed on this planet”, they believed him and asked for his name, Sakara said, “ Haseo Yashimora”. 20 years later Haseo was excepted into there society and started his first day of school. He didn’t get the idea at first seeing that it was way different then his races teachings witch was a computer that directly downloaded everything his race needed to know, but here there was a school with “teachers” and “classrooms” and lots more, but Haseo took a dive right into it and became the smarted student in the school, so smart the school administration gave him a test that know one has ever past, and past it in 3 minutes flat! The staff was so shocked, they called the Maggnorion government to check Haseo out to see if they could test him and see how truly smart he was he refused and instead wrote down equations, it was the mathematics of making the invention known as FTL or faster then light travel! Weeks later Haseo was sent to the government and (under guard) met the leaders of the Maggnorion race.

As the leaders of the Maggnorion race explain the reason he was brought before them Haseo said thus,” all I want is to be treated as if I was one of your kind, live out my life in peace, not being apart of your government”! The leaders reactions where frustration and disappointment but he was a guest on there planet so they agreed to his wishes, but Haseo wanted to explore and travel so he also told them that, “i will teach your people some other technical advances in exchange for getting me into space to explore the galaxy”. They agreed to what he proposed and as the days turned into weeks Haseo was closer to getting his request.

CH.2

As time goes by you begin to see Haseo's story unfold. Haseo becoming a sentient being has its perks but when Haseo felt pain for the first time, he opened his eye's seeing that being sentient is not all that its cracked up to be, u have your good times but it can all be costly! 500 years have past since that day, and Haseo is now commanding his own ship, sadly he had to join the navy since the newly formed Alliance Federation Of Planets founded by lord Segagiess a male humanoid being witch is a military leader of a race known as the Immortals or Ancients. the AFOP was forms in order to unite the galaxies inhabitence under one ruff in the goal for galaxy wide peace! sadly few saw this as an act of aggression and that's when the AFOP met there first enemy, the Changoloms! Haseo commanding the battleship known as Trident was one of the tens of thousands of ships in the AFOP united fleet at the time, the fleet being leaded by Segagiess himself Haseo followed his orders and his crew where not fond of him but they new to look past that in battle, and thus the war started, a war that lasted 300 years that ravaged the Zeveron galaxy and then when the AFOP was about to get wiped out, the Changoloms vanished! Haseo having to be put in the hospital in intense care do to his ship getting destroyed and some how surviving, he lays unconscious unaware that a new evil was making there move, an evil that would test Haseo's true skills!

Years pass as wounds heal, Haseo meats a strange girl, her name is Ayana. Ayana was homeless wondering the streets begging for food and water, Haseo walks over to her and said, "why is a pretty thing like you begging for food? come with me", Haseo then grabbed her hand and bought dinner at a restraint. as they became friends Ayana grew more fond of him more and more, when she finally confessed to him 5 months later. over time Haseo fell in low with Ayana and got married on, Morning Sun 458 A.C.(2600 years before Earth was discovered). Today Ayana and Haseo live on planet New Zenitaia in hopes that peace will be forever. 9 years later Haseo meets up with some old friends back from his universe when he was told that Divine Being(D.B.) Haseo's races military got a distress call from another universe saying, "CODE-BLACK,CODE-BLACK WE HAVE FOUND THANATOS"! Thanatos is the leader of the anti D.B. forces and has set up shop in universe A32-47742(AV universe). Haseo takes a fleet of ships and D.B. forces and goes threw a wormhole opened by Divine, but when the reach the other side the fleet gets separated in transit and are scattered the ship Haseo is on starts crashing threw Earths atmosphere and crash lands in Western Sahara, everything being heavily damaged and no way to get off world Haseo takes off in his flying aircraft carrier the Tranquility.

CH.3 (coming soon)(will tell about my AV life)

years later Kazi was formed in an attempted to establish peace on Earth, this was soon interrupted by a group known as Gekido. Gekido was an evil organization that saw the destruction or take over of Earth, so Earth and Kazi raged war ageist Gekido. for 2 years Earths unified government under Kazi took on Gekido's forces, but in the end it was futile, Earths military and Kazi's forces where all but wiped out, when a change of heart from one of the leaders he used his divine power to wipe away the scars of the war and took over Earth(i could be wrong on that so ill end it there) (under construction)

Trinity Avalon universe Sakara

When Haseo trance warps into other universes via advance starships since he does not have the "ability" to do so relying on technology so when he learned Kita leader of Gekido is in another universe where a old friend lives and is asking for help, so Sakara decides to lend a hand to this friend deciding to take SWORDS one-of-a-kind universal ship ,"Orion".

Sakara
Sakara

For some unknown reason Sakara reverts to his true form when he leaves his universe as seen to the right.

Form some unknown reason as well he only retains one of his divine powers back and thats his, "staff of the goddess".

the :staff of the goddess" has an unknown power since its never been used before.

(under construction)

CH.3.1 Trinity Avalon universe story

(under construction)

Post by Kuro_San (1,338 posts) See mini bio Level 11

@haseo_yashimora:

I'm going to be straight with you, maybe even brutal, but I really need to take this out of my chest...

  1. Did Sonata gave thumbs up?
  2. The grammar is still an issue
  3. Some of your character powers are difficult to understand (Check point 2)
  4. Some of your character powers are almost overpowered, as you can regenerate in 15 second a missing limb while being inmortal is an issue, also a sword with the same power as a nuke is kind of excessive, try to remember that after the Reboot most of the characters were heaviliy depowered, so your character seems to much for most of the characters.
  5. Explain your character physical boundaries a little more, what is his top speed, strenght and durability?
  6. The myriad of eyepowers is too much, is only a way to make your character impossible to be taken by surprise...

This are my critics about your character

Post by Sonata (35,339 posts) See mini bio Level 20
Moderator
@Kuro_San: No I didnt dint give him a thumbs up, but I told hm I'll help when I get some time.
Post by Kuro_San (1,338 posts) See mini bio Level 11

@Sonata: Ok, I'll trust your judgement in this one

Post by Phoenix_Wright (124 posts) See mini bio Level 10

Well is his defense, he is Italian correct? Well it takes a long time maybe even years to learn the English language in the form of speech, let alone text, even then the grammar is bound to be an issue, albeit some people here are also non-native English speakers and can still do fine like the rest of us, the fact still stands that some learn faster than others, at least I can get an idea of what he is talking about. So long as his actual RPing skills have gotten better (No auto-hitting, explain what happens better, and don't ignore attacks. Pretty much the problems I found in his past RPs) then it should be fine. At least he is working on it ergo we should cut him some slack on the grammar, just hammer down on things completely illegible.

As for the bio itself, I must give you props for makings it longer than before and giving some sort of detail to characters, however here are my critiques: The immortality ability seems kinda counter intuitive considering you can't kill in RPs anyways. That power of immortality seems more productive to say a NPC character rather than your main character, and like Kuro said, if you can already regenerate anything in about 15 second and your character can move really fast, there is no need, I rarely see anyone sustain damage to the point the need to regenerate anyway, I mean half the fun is being hurt sometimes, unless your character is mostly human (Boxer Joe)

Some powers can be a bit more clear, for one you shouldn't reference other shows in your power description, you are giving a professional kind of bio, I mean you don't see in the the wikias on this site say something like: "Luffy's gear second is kinda like Goku's Kaio-ken and he moves like a Bleach character, like Byakuya or something." Instead, say something like he moves at mach 5 speeds, or simply sonic speeds, something like that unless your character in some way manipulates speed and time.

Third, some powers are kinda overkill, I mean absorbing someone powers seems a lot better than causing a nuclear explosion, I mean that basically makes your opponent defenseless so just about anything else you do can hurt them anyways, at least make it more of a chore to do, I mean make him have to grab you for a few seconds or something, and make it have a sort of drawback or limit to how much power he can take, I mean he should not be able to take power that would exceed his own right? Now another thing, your character already has radar vision, so why would he need so many different types of vision, part of making a character's powers is making sure they are practical as in you will use them somewhat often (Unless it is like a last resort super form) I would suggest either getting rid of the multiple types of visions or limiting them, Night vision is okay, but infrared? Probability? Luck? Life span? What need would your character have for that?

I would replace them with better powers, you seem to be fond of swordsmanship and eyes, so make that something he does, he uses his eyes to fight. Just an idea. I guess the last thing is make sure you actually update your bio, don't just say you will then leave it or make another, I know I sorta rushed mine to quickly get into the RPs XD nothing wrong with that though, just so long as you go back. But in the end, despite my critiques and suggestions, or anyone's for that matter, this is your bio, do what makes you happy, I'm sure if you kept it this way we would survive, most of the people here have some sort of device the make taking their power impossible or can survive cities exploding anyways haha.

Post by Newdeath (18,555 posts) See mini bio Level 19

I'm not going to criticize or praise you right now. Not until Sonata gives you the thumbs up. I'll give my say only after Sonata says you can RP, only then will we be able to judge what you've learned from him and how you've improved. As for now, I'd suggest not putting up bios unless you've been given the go to RP. Good luck with your training.

ND

Post by haseo_yashimora (5,507 posts) See mini bio Level 14

@Kuro_San said:

@haseo_yashimora:

I'm going to be straight with you, maybe even brutal, but I really need to take this out of my chest...

  1. Did Sonata gave thumbs up?
  2. The grammar is still an issue
  3. Some of your character powers are difficult to understand (Check point 2)
  4. Some of your character powers are almost overpowered, as you can regenerate in 15 second a missing limb while being inmortal is an issue, also a sword with the same power as a nuke is kind of excessive, try to remember that after the Reboot most of the characters were heaviliy depowered, so your character seems to much for most of the characters.
  5. Explain your character physical boundaries a little more, what is his top speed, strenght and durability?
  6. The myriad of eyepowers is too much, is only a way to make your character impossible to be taken by surprise...

This are my critics about your character

1: no just putting up bio so i can correct my mistakes and add to it, AKA not RPing yet

2: like what phoenix said

3: sorry ill fix it

4:like i respond on no. 1 ill make changes

5: work in progress

6: ya ill dull it down

ps its ok ty for your point in the matter

@Sonata said:

@Kuro_San: No I didnt dint give him a thumbs up, but I told hm I'll help when I get some time.

ive known you been bizzy so i just put up my bio and im going to keep working on it, making changes, im not RPing till you say so k ;)

@Phoenix_Wright said:

Well is his defense, he is Italian correct? Well it takes a long time maybe even years to learn the English language in the form of speech, let alone text, even then the grammar is bound to be an issue, albeit some people here are also non-native English speakers and can still do fine like the rest of us, the fact still stands that some learn faster than others, at least I can get an idea of what he is talking about. So long as his actual RPing skills have gotten better (No auto-hitting, explain what happens better, and don't ignore attacks. Pretty much the problems I found in his past RPs) then it should be fine. At least he is working on it ergo we should cut him some slack on the grammar, just hammer down on things completely illegible.

As for the bio itself, I must give you props for makings it longer than before and giving some sort of detail to characters, however here are my critiques: The immortality ability seems kinda counter intuitive considering you can't kill in RPs anyways. That power of immortality seems more productive to say a NPC character rather than your main character, and like Kuro said, if you can already regenerate anything in about 15 second and your character can move really fast, there is no need, I rarely see anyone sustain damage to the point the need to regenerate anyway, I mean half the fun is being hurt sometimes, unless your character is mostly human (Boxer Joe)

Some powers can be a bit more clear, for one you shouldn't reference other shows in your power description, you are giving a professional kind of bio, I mean you don't see in the the wikias on this site say something like: "Luffy's gear second is kinda like Goku's Kaio-ken and he moves like a Bleach character, like Byakuya or something." Instead, say something like he moves at mach 5 speeds, or simply sonic speeds, something like that unless your character in some way manipulates speed and time.

Third, some powers are kinda overkill, I mean absorbing someone powers seems a lot better than causing a nuclear explosion, I mean that basically makes your opponent defenseless so just about anything else you do can hurt them anyways, at least make it more of a chore to do, I mean make him have to grab you for a few seconds or something, and make it have a sort of drawback or limit to how much power he can take, I mean he should not be able to take power that would exceed his own right? Now another thing, your character already has radar vision, so why would he need so many different types of vision, part of making a character's powers is making sure they are practical as in you will use them somewhat often (Unless it is like a last resort super form) I would suggest either getting rid of the multiple types of visions or limiting them, Night vision is okay, but infrared? Probability? Luck? Life span? What need would your character have for that?

I would replace them with better powers, you seem to be fond of swordsmanship and eyes, so make that something he does, he uses his eyes to fight. Just an idea. I guess the last thing is make sure you actually update your bio, don't just say you will then leave it or make another, I know I sorta rushed mine to quickly get into the RPs XD nothing wrong with that though, just so long as you go back. But in the end, despite my critiques and suggestions, or anyone's for that matter, this is your bio, do what makes you happy, I'm sure if you kept it this way we would survive, most of the people here have some sort of device the make taking their power impossible or can survive cities exploding anyways haha.

Ty for your comments, and the reason i put up this bio is for what you all just said, since sonata is bizzy in real life, i wanted community help/suggestions, and im changing my bio right now taking all the visions out but 1 but the nuke attack i know is a little over powered but can easily be blocked by say magical shield! all in all ill be making changes before i add on also in the explaining more part, i need to brain storm, this bio itself took me all most 2 weeks to think of and its not even finished, also note that Haseo will hardly ever use his powers, he likes to use his sword. as for the spelling, yes im still in classes, but im a slow learner as a part of my disability witch i rather not go into unless needed. but i have good friends still that already sent me PMs asking "want me to fix your spelling?" so if it comes down to that ill say yes. the reason why i went that way with the immortality powers is because in Haseo's universe thats how its interpreted.

@Newdeath said:

I'm not going to criticize or praise you right now. Not until Sonata gives you the thumbs up. I'll give my say only after Sonata says you can RP, only then will we be able to judge what you've learned from him and how you've improved. As for now, I'd suggest not putting up bios unless you've been given the go to RP. Good luck with your training.

ND

if ya read my response to Kuro then you have your answer.

Post by haseo_yashimora (5,507 posts) See mini bio Level 14

UPDATE

fixed Nex-Gen Blade and made it have a weakness or flaw i guess

took out all the visions

Post by Kurohige (3,702 posts) See mini bio Level 19

You're getting there my man.

Post by Newdeath (18,555 posts) See mini bio Level 19

@haseo_yashimora: You didn't seem to get the point of what I said. Here's the thing: as long as you're not RP'ing, it's not necessary for you to be publicly posting your bios on the RPG forums, you're simply flooding the forum with irrelevant information because you're not allowed to RP yet. If you want to practice your writing skills that is completely fine but I'd suggest doing it on your profile's section for a bio rather than posting bio threads. That's my take on it at least. You know I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just telling you what I think you should do, a suggestion if you will.

ND

Post by Kuro_San (1,338 posts) See mini bio Level 11

@Newdeath: I share the same opinion...

Post by Newdeath (18,555 posts) See mini bio Level 19

@Kuro_San: Indeed.

ND

Post by haseo_yashimora (5,507 posts) See mini bio Level 14

@Newdeath said:

@haseo_yashimora: You didn't seem to get the point of what I said. Here's the thing: as long as you're not RP'ing, it's not necessary for you to be publicly posting your bios on the RPG forums, you're simply flooding the forum with irrelevant information because you're not allowed to RP yet. If you want to practice your writing skills that is completely fine but I'd suggest doing it on your profile's section for a bio rather than posting bio threads. That's my take on it at least. You know I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just telling you what I think you should do, a suggestion if you will.

ND

oh,oh,oh, ok i get it, well if one of the mods wants to do that its cool ill just save it on microsoft word ^^

Post by Sonata (35,339 posts) See mini bio Level 20
Moderator
@Phoenix_Wright: There is a fine line between No-Selling and not killing a Character. You don't want to abuse the rule, if you do there wouldn't be a point in RPing. Because no one would be affected by anything.
Post by haseo_yashimora (5,507 posts) See mini bio Level 14

after im done my training ill be changing a lot of this might as just take out the NPC characters as well, at any rate ill finish it in the near future as well as the spelling

Post by UsachanMaN (4,514 posts) See mini bio Level 15

@haseo_yashimora: Cant wait! Good luck! :D

Post by haseo_yashimora (5,507 posts) See mini bio Level 14

k hope this redo is good still working on it but i think my spelling and gramers better now.

Post by haseo_yashimora (5,507 posts) See mini bio Level 14

bump, fixed some spelling/punctuation

Post by Kuma_From_Argentina (6,720 posts) See mini bio Level 13

@haseo_yashimora:

1. Your character is grossly overpowered, capable of regenerating from almost any wound in 15, nullifying other characters powes, dematerilization of organic and inorganic materials and perfect awarness of his surroundings. Not to mention he haves a fleet of ships.

2. I dont see the point of making him older than mankind existance, not to mention Universal Creation and other epithets. You should try to make a Street Level character for once, check the other characters in the current version of the forum. The AFOP seems out of place as mostly you use it as an excuse to have a fleet of spaceship, that only increase your character power even more. Check Sonata, his character is possibly the most powerful in the current Viceverse yet she is OP like yours. As most of the times your characters personalities doesnt matches their millenary age, as such longevity would allow them to achieve certain degree of wisdom and inner reflexion that sadly you dont seem to imprint on their personalities. Not to mention a life so long would have a lot of sadness and sorrow connected to it as the people your character knew would usally die from old age while your character is still young. To make it simpler for you, you should pick a more mundane character rather than an inmortal Space God.

3. Kudos on getting the grammar a tad better, yet there are still some mistakes either in grammar or in concept that could be corrected. The first that comes in mind as is the most blatant is the "teliport" one, as we told you more than a couple of times about it in your many, many bios.

4. Certain explanations about your powers are either confusing or just wrong. As having the strength of 10.000 men would be aproximately 152 lbs each one, multiplied by 10.000 would aproximately reach 68-70 Tons.... A very considerable ammount of strength. The Speed Technique could also be explained, you dont speak clearly about your character physical boundaries (http://www.animevice.com/forums/rpg/34/undefeated-in-the-whole-world-a-hot-blooded-boxer-bio/331215/?) check one of my bios to check for a possible way to show your stats in order and easy to read. You should try to make simpler powers and ingenious uses rather than trying to give your character uber complex powers or explains moves that could easily be connected to some sort of power like Telekinesis (I'm talking about the blade launching)

Post by haseo_yashimora (5,507 posts) See mini bio Level 14

@Kuma_From_Argentina: Thank you for your input ill be fixing it right now and i missed the "teleport" word, as for the powers im redoing them i might just give my character no powers and just rely on his abilities. as for his age ill change it as well as for the Telekinesis, thats a nice idea. :D

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