Well Anime Vice it's been a week since I last blogged and I figured that if I was going to blog I might as well go the full mile. So what does that mean? I'm probably going to get plastered! However I'm not just getting plastered and writing a humiliating incomprehensible mess...no instead I'm actually going to make it on topic this time by watching an anime that so far has been widely regarded as bad. That's right I'm watching Rio Rainbow Gate! So what poison will I be drinking to make this insufferable mess enjoyable? I have an appropriate image for this question:
Heineken? Fuck that Shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon! Oh yeah I didn't Drink the Mustard if you wanted to know.
Under the Influence of Two Beers
So this Cruchyroll thing is a big deal right? Well I have never used it until now but I guess most users on this site would call me an intolerant asshole of a troll. Anywhoodles this site looks pretty snazy. Felt like having two beers before I even started this. My roommate is playing Fallout 3 for the first time and I'm telling him how to play that game the right way. So far the only problem I have encountered has been related to my crappy internet connection thanks to Comcast. Anyways I'm going to boot this up now....
Commercial...and now it is starting.
Bad Jazz music...sound effects that sound like they were pulled from a cheap movie maker...a ferret doing perverted things....PANTIES!...old guy and a little girl...
WAIT WAIT WAIT! Are these the actual voices for the characters? Am I really going to have to listen to these voices for over 20 minutes? Oh fuck that! I'm getting me another beer.
Under the Influence of Three Beers
Oh for the love of god fuck the pain away! The backgrounds look like crap. They lack any detail and just feel sterile. The casino looks like a giant black cardboard box. Also have I ever mentioned how much I don't like jazz music? This was a bad idea. This is going to be a long night....
Four Beers Down
So everyone is refering to this chick Rio (I'll assume it's Rio at the moment) as a Goddes. So I'm going to assume that she is either really lucky or has super powers that simply extend to the world of gambling. If she has super powers in the world of gambling that's a shitty super power I just want to say. Also you have reallly got to have a gambling problem if someone who is lucky with the cards impresses you, but I think there are other reasons
for people fixating themselves to Rio. I should mention that I'm feeling it now. I'm a small guy so beer goes through me like tea. I would like to remind that I hvae barely reached the four minute mark. The litttlle one literally said "SHe's not here I hurt all over' or that's what the tiles say. WHO wrtaes that! WHo in therea righte mind would rates that!
I'm now being introduce to grey haired booby lady. She is diaspoint, and is suggested to being the panty shot in the intro of this epidose. I'm on the brink of hitting the mute button by the way. These voice isa bad news. I'm still barely five minutes in.
I feel numb. My face feels funny. There be women in play boyt bunny our fits. There was just a butt shot because if your are an ass person you are an ass person. Also all these people going besreks over gambling makes me wonder if this is a critque about society. How we are so materialistic that we would welcome someone who can assit in our materialistic teendecies to buy and consume without regulation. If this is true then Rio is one of the greatsets animes ever!
Breast bounce! I say that my theory is incorrect.There are all these people boring out and having a good time. It makes me regret that I have never actually gone to casion.
I don't understand why peole are tjis excited abot gambling. Why? WHat spciety do they live i that they woriship who is effectively a card dealer?
Also buannies pieolple:
I don't understand why evryoen likes Rio. WHy is inserting images so hard when I'm drunk? ALso I have hit the mute button their voices are going tyo make me throw up....literally. I'm literally convulsing in laughter as I read the subtitles. This dialoge is really bad, and I'm drunk and still realize this.
I just relaize that this anime is for the lowest common donimantor. Take this scene for example:
Fuck you Rio! I hpoe you gose to hell/
So yeah i will admits that I have enter the relam of drunkinesse. But is it a testament that I still relaize that thie is bad anime? Boobies will only go so far. And i just reahced the 11;00 minute mark! Also the reveal that Rio has some sort of aura that makes poeple luck suggest she has the the superpowers! But why wouldn;t you fire her if you owned the casion? CAsino ar not in the business of giving away money. They want to take s your money and create the illusion that you can win big bucks at the slots or crad tables. FIRE HER and end my pain!
Five ia s Magic Numebr!
Also dealers never suggest bets. NEver it is bad businesas. Also I would like to remind people that this right here is bullshit:
Hoping and feeling that t i will win bigs moneyies never works out for me. This marriage scene when the guy wins bug bucks and then immediatley marriages his girfriend is bullshit.
This would never happen in real life. Wait what I just siad makes no snese. This is anime..that's right.
Capturing images is not only the illegals but it is also really hard when I'm drunk. I don't want to watch anymore. Even I realize when the suspension of disbelief is is so forgone that I can't enjoy myeslf. A new characte called the Quenn Killer has been introduced. Why should I care?
Oh I care becayse Rio might take her clothes off. THIS IS INTERESTING! Imprtnat information for the th plot of this product1
I don;t understand why she is in a wedding dress now. I feel compelled to say I don't find Rio Attaractive. This dialogue is bad stuff. I'm drunk and relaize this. I feel just as confused as the little girl in ths anime.
I just relize something the little girl is what we would call the "Fish out of wtaer" character. An old trope used by lazy writers to introduce new and confusing concets to the audience. The fact that the writers are using such a cliqued and old trope makes me really resent the writing staff for this anime. This is just freakibnhg lazy wirting. Fuck this animes.This is like a bad anime version of the movie Casino Royal ath this point. I'm drukn and cmpleyely ingoning important info at this point, Just fuck the painaways.
I used a header enev though I didn't have a drinnk.
I have no idea what is going on with this card show off. I feell like poker on ESPN would be more dramtic than this. This blonde hair dude is a dick. But I will say that the vagina imagery in this anime has me slightly impress. Take this scene:
That takes some sort of skill to put in your animes. So the poeple involved with this anime aren't compleyly incompetent.
Also maybe this isn;t very classy but I have literally had to take 3 bathroom breaks in less than ten minutes.
CRAZY NUmber STuff and I feel like this is Rain Man!
Oh shit! Maybe Rio is like Rayman from Rain Man\\ That would explain why the charecters in this are so socially inept. They are sevants!
"That Bear is a collectors item made in Belgium." Wut you sya? Who in their right mind would write that? ""I'm Glad we learned this customer didn't have the eyes to judge stuffed animls." What the fuck is thsi?
But magically everyone is happy! What is going one someone please expalin this to me!
I finished the first episode an this image wonderfully explains how I feel
I'm not watching the cuking end credits. This was a waste f a genuine hangover, I realize that some people really like boobies. But this is a watse of genuinely good boobies. I already feel bad. Oh yeah I didi in fact have another drink. This means taht the total drink in the cnctruction of this blog is about six. I had a shot of teqilla. I dn't know how many beers that counts for.
In conclusion I may be drunk but I realize when anime producers are aiming for my dick. I am a heterosexual male but even I found this to be an intolerable crulety. Don't watch this anime. It is no good. The cahrcters are bad, it has some of the laziest use of old tropes like deus ex machina, it looks terrible, and I coulnd't genuinely name one thing about this anime that I liked other than the intermitten fanserivec. And don't tell me that it gets better down the road. Great telvision programs are consistent in their quality as opposed to inconsistent. You shouldn't use fanserivce and potential as the sole excuse for watching what is clearly slop appealing to the lowest common dinomiator.
This is my blog on Rio and I'm about to pass out on my bed.